Fed up!

I know what you mean Leonie - I don't even recognise myself! I did a 'self portrait' painting at art the other day and I did it from a photo taken Feb 2010 - everyone at the art class said, "Oh! is that a relative?' I kid you not - I felt like my heart dropped into my boots! No one realised it was me in the photo! (forget the painting!) I tell you, a couple of days later I had a big bawl in the bedroom when my husband went up the street to do some shopping, I didn't know you could actually cry 'from your boots' but I certainly did!  I felt really sorry for myself and did the 'why me' thing - my husband came home and found me, all puffy-eyed and not-a-happy-camper, he just gave me a big hug.  I have found this journey sometimes feels like a bloody road to hell and back.  One day I am sparking on all six, the next I am down in the dumps - I am all over the place!  If I get the 'blues' I tend to feel guilty the next day - is that normal? But as you ladies would know, I wouldn't know normal if it jumped up and smacked me in the face.  Yes, so I have a laugh and think wow, you really look a mess kiddo - but the next day I get on with it, and forget I am wearing that 'beanie' that seems to be glued to my head.   Yep! the emotions are all over the show, I tried to explain myself to one of my daughters over the phone tonight, and I succeeded in making her cry - I never meant that to happen! Poor kid, what must be going through her head - I bet she wouldn't recognise me at the moment, I sure have a hard time recognising myself!  I feel lately I am losing the plot.....or I may have already lost it?????? well keep plodding along on that journey and see how whacky I am at the end of it - one things for sure, I will never be the same person again - already I feel very different about every thing! x x x