Dealing with cancer AFTER treatment - Trying to move on

Hi Karen, it is certainly not an over reaction..  It is how you feel and family and friends need to be given a gentle nudge to step away from the cancer stuff..  It is certainly hard in October as pink is totally everywhere.(in time the pink of October wont seem to be in your face so much (i promise)  After a diagnosis, it is amazing how we pick up on everything 'cancer' that is around..  it is normal and any huge stress in our lives would show up the same way..  (like songs on the radio - go figure!!!)..  It certainly seems like you have tried the just ignore it but your friends need to know that it is 'time'..  I dont know what you will try to say but something to think about (hopefully helpful otherwise just laugh at me!!  - i am good either way)..  I always feel for anyone who is stuck in this merry-go-round and it is stressful and hurtful and those doing it really dont understand..

Perhaps something along the lines of....

I would like to post a huge thank you to all my family and friends for the support and caring that you showed me while I went through my diagnosis and treatments.  I am officially coming up to 12 months since I finished my active treatment and I think that it is now time to move on from it and live my life 'after' cancer and turn it into years past treatment.  So, could I please ask that you no longer send me cancer related items or tag me in them.  Thanks so much again for being there for me and understanding this request.

sending huge turtle hugs and hope you get the peace you so seriously deserve. Sharon (pink66) xoxoxox

Hi Linda - I have the same thing with work - do I tell them??  I'm temping so working lots of different jobs.  In this current one I did say something but only because the people are so lovely.  It's always a risk though!!

Tink xx

Hi Donna,

Funny how it hangs around this diagnosis of cancer - I am at a stage where I have to ask - do I bother to tell a new employer - Oh I had breast cancer - cause I think that will eliminate allot of jobs .. so annoying how we fight for our lives, and pity seems to be the norm - that too is annoying the crap out of me lol

Cheers

Linda

Hi Karen, 

I can so relate to this having been newly diagnosed (Aug 15th) this year.  I get friends on Facebook - tagging me in on "prayer for someone battling cancer" or " like of you know anyone who is battling cancer" or Like of you know anyone going through cancer"  " my most favourite (not) was "Repent and god will start to heal you"... Anyway I took a deep breath and posted the following    "To all beautiful friends and family, I love you all dearly, but ask that you please not tag me in on cancer things,  as I am not battling cancer, I had a diagnosis of cancer, I was proactive, had a double mastectomy and pathology confirmed it is all gone out the breast- chemo is an insurance policy in case a rogue cell went walk about" as Trip Neg does tend to do that...... I had a mixed response - from .. you are so brave Linda... and you are so positive... you are an inspiration .... geez no-one really listened to me!   I think that people feel they have to do someone thing , one friend of 17 years just stopped communicating with me... and when i saw her she said .. i don't know what to say... OMG i am not dying here, i am fighting..and that does not need pity - so my friends and family are not allowed to forward, copy, paste and tag me in any cancer stuff - I can access that anytime - is the message getting through .. honestly.. No ...but I now block stuff off Facebook and send them a private message -  - but now they say "she is trying to be so brave"  lol.. no win for me!

I think cancer is a stigma and many years ago it was a death sentence - now as my breast nurse tells me...it is a speed bump in our lives and we move on - I so hear you and no you are not over reacting ... well done on coming up to your 1st anniversary - am jealous as my chemo starts on the 7th - only way out is through - so sooner start .. sooner end..  

Hugs  :-) 

Linda

Hi Karen I don't think your over reacting it gets to me also and I'm less than half way through.  I had one girl that was a staff member and she continually kept naming me,  I know she meant well, however, I'm still me fighting treatment.  The last straw was a tag in a post after my 2nd AC the post explained how chemotherapy was unnecessary - well maybe in earlier stages no lymph nodes involved really broke me. I unfriended her ( not mature I know) a few weeks later she pmed me and we had a chat that was nice she understood then. Hope this all sorts for you and your life becomes yrs once again

I hear you! I ignore posts like this and don't post anything in relation to cancer. I do have to hold myself back though when some people send posts on the latest research or " new cancer breakthrough "! Im coming up to 4 years and I'm the girl who had cancer. It's hurtful and annoys the absolute crap out of me. As you say we are not defined by this and I'm getting to a point to leave town for a bit so I can start afresh were I don't have the history. 

Funny I was posting something similar to your post last night and lost connection. 

All the best 

Donna 

Hi Karen,

You want to live your life in a 'C' free zone! From the very first worrying sign, to diagnosis, prognosis, treatment and onwards the "C" takes up mental and emotional space.

I declared that work would be a 'C' free zone and have only told one person. I didn't want 'C' to be my reference point for comments and attitudes.

I agree with the other comments and would also suggest a Facebook notice, 'I am now living in a 'C' free zone! :) I appreciate your care, support and love and hope you can meet my request, 'Please no more notices about anything PINK or articles or fund raisers etc etc. For now I want to forget about it all and get on with the rest of my life. Anything and everything else is really welcome - you are very important to me and you are the rest of my life!  emoticons etc

If you notice that someone has dropped away then get in touch and ask if they are ok. You might lose one or two contacts but that's the risk of honesty. We can never be really sure about how someone else will respond or react but most importantly being honest about what you want is being true to yourself and that's healthy.

Beryl C.

I totally agree! Perhaps something like'i HAD cancer , but I don't anymore!!!!!' There is no need to be careful about telling people, just be honest! I am 2 years past diagnosis , and I can honestly say I feel so strong and tough mentally! I am proud of where I am in my life now, and it's partly due to having HAD cancer!! Look ahead cause it's behind you, and stay connected on here for support from people that get it!!!!Cheers Robynxxx

Hi Karen, 

I am now 4 1/2 years out form a second diagnosis. I used to hate October as so many people would say to me "you should go to this event or that  fundraiser" etc etc. I hated it. It was all I could do to keep my head above water let alone surround myself with pinkness. I then would feel guilty because breast cancer awareness month was all about making people just that... aware of this awful disease and raising vital funds. I eventually made peace with it and myself about it. I have even been able to go to relay for life this past couple of years as my daughter was participating. That took a long time to be able to do as in the beginning I wanted to run from all things  cancer. You are right, our cancer doesn't define us. I think a polite nicely worded request isn't such a bad idea. If it's just a few people then maybe you could private message them thanking them for their concern but letting them know how it makes you feel. Big hugs. 

Paula xxx

PS I love that you cut gem stones. 

Hi,

I know what you mean, it's everywhere!  I think its going to be even worse in October when a lot of the fundraising is focussed on it.  I think its perfectly okay to put a nicely written note on your facebook page (or wherever) and let people know that you want to move on.  People aren't mind readers so if you don't tell them they wont know.  I don't think there will be hard feelings if its carefully phrased, it just lets everyone know how you are feeling.

cheers

Mira