Remember our words can impact others.

Hello.  My name is Anne and I have just begun my trip along the BC road.  I am new to the site and this is my first attempt at posting so it may get lost in cyberspace..…   I have just joined a local support group of sixteen wonderful supportive ladies of all ages and heard their views on everything from the local doctors, to treatments to B.C.N.A..  There was substantial discussion of the colourful language on this site. (Being new I do not pretend to know all about this issue).  Being more mature our group members say they consider the feelings of other people and regulate the language in their posts.  Seventeen members now ask that others use your incredible literary talents and consider whether your terminology is really necessary.  Perhaps abbreviating the word/s may be the way to go.  If this is not possible perhaps B.C.N.A. should amend its posting guidelines accordingly.  Thank you.

 

@primek you make some good points. In the last week or so I've been thinking about how the division here makes me feel and how it makes me react.

I've always been a fierce defender of any one I perceive is getting treated unfairly. That's well and good and in many cases I've managed to make considerable differences to potentially shitty outcomes when someone is not able to stand up for themselves. 

The problem comes with the term 'perception'.  This is why I always shy away from any arguments about religion, politics or sport. I simply can not understand why these things are so important to people. I have no idea why people choose to align themselves with a group and become antagonistic towards others who believe differently. The problem is, I've recently found myself doing it too. My concept of fair play has seen me, unwittingly, take sides and play the player rather than the ball.

I need to remind myself that interfering when someone is getting hassled at a pub, attacked in a carpark or unfairly treated by a government agency is different from getting my knickers in a bunch over an argument between people I don't know about  language.

Swearing doesn't worry me and I am unlikely to change my behaviour in that regard now. I'm also prone to saying things that are controversial or that people disagree with. That is not always a bad thing as it opens up avenues to think differently about situations which doesn't always happen when people are being polite and going with the flow. But it does piss some people off. I often win arguments (generally by doggedly sticking to the subject ) which doesn't always enamour me to those who's point of view is not upheld. Too bad.

What I do have to do is think about my concept of the enemy or opposition. Am I making the right assumptions about people's motives when all I have is a couple of lines of text to use as evidence? Quite possibly not. This is very different from the 'real' world where I have a much better chance of figuring out what people's intentions are by observing them more closely.

So yes, getting myself into a situation where I was moderated (I knew full well that would happen) doesn't line up with the reason I originally started participating with the site and I must say it has taken all the pleasure out of it. 

Food for thought in the future. There are, sadly, new people joining this group every day. Many of them are wise and funny and kind. It's natural for the old guard to step back and let others step up. It's just a pity to see that happen under the current circumstances. Take care. Marg xxx

@primek, you are always one of the first to offer support, a kind word or advice to all and your absence will be a huge loss to us.  Take care, Jane x

@primek, I feel sad your going. You are such an amazing person all the help you give to everyone. You will be very missed.
XO

@Giovanna_BCNA I would prefer to speak to Marianne direct manager.  I will call that number and ask to be put through to her direct manager or email address. Thank you. Nellie 

Hello @Hendrix

Sorry to hear that you felt discriminated against by one of our moderators.  Yes you can certainly make a complaint, it would be best to private message @Marianne_BCNA, alternatively you can call our helpline on 1800 500 258 to speak with Marianne who is the Manager of the member services team.

@romla I normally would agree...but it works 2 ways and unfortunately not everyone can see how they impact others. It’s all very sad really. Just to clarify re donating to BCNA I’m considering not donating!
@Giovanna_BCNA how do we report moderators? And what is the process that moderators take? A member recently made an unfair accusation towards me and my reply to this member was removed as it was deemed rude, however the members accusation was not. I felt dicriminated against by this moderator and I would like to make a formal complaint @Giovanna_BCNA

Dear @Hendrix as grief stricken as many of us by this we need to look to ourselves not so much the moderators as we are adults .Let’s view this as a hiccup , learn from it and all move on - bottom line is we need each other.

Hello @primek,
Im sorry to read your post.  I will send you a pm.
regards Giovanna

@primek @onemargie don’t go...your letting the negative Nellie’s win...i hope they feel good and pleased with themselves and shame on the moderators.  They are needed but given the recent outcomes I question their part in all this!! One complaint does not justify their actions.  I for one will now reconsider donating to BCNA when I get my business up and running.