Newly diagnosed mother

Hi @Sgamble, so sorry your mum finds herself going through this.  You are an amazing support to her but don't forget to look after yourself too. When I was diagnosed I coped fine - sometimes it's easier when it's happening to you. My husband was a mess and ended up calling the phone counselling thru BCNA.  Counsellors are not just there to help the cancer patient - those who are close are also suffering. Sending you a hug,  Jane xx

@primek thank you :) keep your fringes crossed x 

@Sgamble You know your Mum best and being there for her and helping her is wonderful. I just wanted you to get how people feel inside even if they are in the fight and ourwardly positive. Hope all goes smoothly for the biopsy. X

Hi sgamble, Just a quick note because I am late for work, but sorry you and your mum are on this journey. I did private chemo and didn't have any out of pocket expenses. Also some super schemes have income protection insurance as an added benefit so check that out first, it's different to the trauma payments.

You are a wonderful daughter.  I found seeing a cancer counsellor very helpful.  Where I live I found I could see one for free.  She knew a lot about cancer and what I was going through.  Best wishes Karen 

I understand what you are saying about the positive comment but if I don't be positive and come across that she will beat cancer, she will plainly refuse treatmeant and be completely negative. I know what she is like. As soon as we talk about something positive and that she has achieved "a small step" something clicks in her brain and a little positivity comes out. I will keep using the positive card with Mum because I know it's working and I don't really want to loose my mum over cancer because she negative about how everything will plan out. 
I haven't been there and I don't understand the way she is feeling. Of course it would be scary, depressing and overwhelming. I take my hat off to all you brave women who are undergoing or have gone through cancer. I just feel that what I am doing is being productive and is working. Yesterday she plainly refused the biopsy and  after chatting and being positive about the situation and explaining that they have found the primary cancer is a next step. She now is egar to get the biopsy and move to the next step. 
I keep reminding her small steps, one step at a time :) 

Here is a link to one of our discussions.

http://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/16174/what-not-to-say-to-people-affected-with-breast-cancer/p1

@Sgamble One of the things we talk about here is just to let your Mum have all the emotions. Believing you just need to be positive isn't realistic and feeling frightened, overwhelmed, depressed and facing your mortality are all very real and normal responses to breast cancer. Believe me...there is nothing that can take away the stress of a biopsy. Having you there for support is enough and more than likely your Mum would prefer to just go home, have a big bawl and just sleep or have a lie down (as quite frankly she probably hasn't slept for a while). The diagnostic process at the beginning for anyone newly diagnosed feels overwhelming. We all get that. Once surgery and or chemo starts you at least have a plan. Your Mum (and yourself) still has the big wait for pathology so they can determine which chemo regime she will be on. It will feel an eternity.

Yes ...losing someone close of breast or any cancer brings the reality of what your Mum has to face and what could be the outcome. My sister in law died the day of my biopsy. I attended her funeral with the thought that this could be me and my family in the future. I also had lost my sister to breast cancer. All very real fears and thoughts. I and most likely many bc sisters have thought like this and felt this at the beginning (and through treatment at times too). ..but we still got through. Being positive outwardly doesn't change how you feel inside. Quite frankly the brave face for others is exhausting. Just being there and allowing your Mum to express her fears is the best gift you can give. (But the odd pedi and trip out really does help a bit too )

As to the mortgage. I thought most mortgages had a built in insurance coverage for major illness. It may be just a death benefit but it might not be. It's worth checking that out to. Hopefully your Mum will tolerate chemo well and may want to continue to work throughtout. I took some long service leave and annual leave to reduce the financial drain. 

This is a hard process for both of you. Ask about a breast care nurse connected to your treating centre as they can provide invaluable support. Kath x

@onemargie I'm sorry to hear about the superfund. That is ridiculous. It's your money and people should access it when they really need to especially in illness. 
In my household there is only Mum and myself. We were told by Centrelink that she would be able to receive sickness leave but that's only $500 f/n. How are you supposed to pay a mortgage with that. I'm relieved that her bank understands her situation and have done a agreed deal with her but i feel for the people who fall too behind in rent or mortgage payments. 
We had got a call from the radiology team today. They think they have found the primary source from her breast. She has a biopsy on Friday. 

@fairydust thanks for your ideas and suggestions :) I'm pretty much doing that now. No complaints from me, I'm more than happy to help. In my opinion I feel she is slowly getting depressed. She is constantly upset that she has to have more tests and they are painful ( I'm sure they are and I empathise for her ) I have to keep making positive comments and keeping it positive. On Tuesday she went for her breast MRI because she went through with it I had taken her out to get a pedicure. Now I have to find something positive to do after biopsy. Any suggestions? 
I am going to speak to her surgeon on Monday, which is her next appointment. There has to be some sort of non formal "counselling" that she can have. I'm more worried about how she stresses out and always saying that she doesn't want to do anymore. The more she stresses the more I get stressed. 
I think also this may have something to do with her brother passing from breast cancer 6 months ago. 

@Sgamble I also had chemo before surgery  to shrink the cancer,also had cancer in lymph nodes. I went private for chemotherapy and surgery then public for radiation. Today now 2 months after finishing a year of treatment ....cancer free.
To help your mum ask her any chores need doing? Her energy levels will be depleted and she will be resting a lot. Cleaning fridges/ ovens gardening etc not a bad idea.
She may resent your help or welcome it.
Even stocking up for her favourite foods or frozen meals not a bad idea Sometimes too tired to cook .
About public or private ask the the admin staff or doctors for costs they are usually pretty good. Best wishes