SuzyG, I am so sorry you are going through this. Has your surgeon mentioned the possibility of having a tissue expander put in at the same time as having a mastectomy. This was the option I was looking at, like you I wanted to get on with my life and knew I'd struggle without a breast. I was advised the tissue expander was my best option during radiation and 6-12 months later I would have a reconstruction performed.
I went through some pretty awful things (not breast cancer related) and found medication when needed really helped ( for me it was Ativan). Please tell the oncologist how upsetting this process, I hope you team of doctors can provide more help. Take care