@SuzyG I really feel for you, its hard to find peace of a little piece of happiness when you're in the midst of surgery or treatment and hard not to look ahead at what is going to come yet. I finished Chemo mid December last year and honestly I feel a hell of a lot better in many ways just 1yr on...yes I still have a mastectomy pending in the New Year but then Im done! I find when I start thinking and getting overwhelmed I just try to say its OK, I feel crappy! annoyed, angry and downright upset over the whole damn thing!!! I had horrific days through treatment and honestly, I never thought I'd look back now and go How On earth did I get through it all. One step at a time, and remember the beauty of all that you are. Im spending Christmas Eve alone as Ive done the past few years and its....well quietly tough...so today I thought, well Im going to focus on me and do little things that make me happy tomorrow. Its not a full fix for those moments when you hate this journey and wishing your full life back, but I guess I hang onto these little glimpses. I hope you have a lovely Christmas, and maybe some YOU time to just be...contented, sad whatever it may be and find something that nurtures you. Big Hugs Melinda xo