Hi Mazoz,
So sorry to hear of your second diagnosis. It just plain stinks to have to go through the whole process - again.
I too have had bilateral breast cancer. First diagnosed in 2015, second in Aug 2016 during my 12 month checkup. Compared to 1st time around when I found the lump & had history of benign lumps in the breast, I felt completely blind sided by the second diagnosis.
Due to the type & size of the cancer I was lucky to be given the choice of lumpectomy or mastectomy & chose lumpectomy both times. I just wanted to assure you though you will find plenty of support here from those who like yourself, have had no choice.
Hard as it is, your priority right now is to take care you. This means finding activities that you enjoy to take you away (even momentarily) from the stress, anxiety & fear surrounding what lies ahead. Everyone is different in regards to what works for them .1st time around I found cleaning out my studio & selling off stuff I no longer used was a good diversion. Whereas second time around, asking questions & venting here on the forum & packing up to move (we had just sold our house!) was a good diversion.
You are not alone & you can do this - one day, one step at time.
Mel xxx