AC Chemo - Round 2 - Days 6-7 (Calmer waters)

Well half way into long weekend I am happy to report that while my low blood pressure is continuing, chest pains have slowed down and dizziness not a problem any longer and apart from being an absolute bitch from Hell (yes mood swings and frankly outright agression have been horrendous these past 48 hours) this round of Chemo appears to be a tad milder in terms of sideeffects.

I am able to sleep better since evening 5, there has been no weird taste in my mouth, no hot flushes what so ever, Chemo fog had been very mild in comparison to the 1st time, visual perception heaps better (almost no issues), still no significant bone pain from Neulasta and tummy SO much better. 

Round 1 starting day 5 my backside was on fire and had me fighting the urge to drag myself bum firmly peeled to the ground houling like a worm ridden dog PLUS towards the end of day 6 and well into few days afterwards was suffering from such flatulence that both had me hide in shame and feel like the backside was being permanently marinated in hydrochloric acid...

This time arround tummy has been a lot better. Not sure if it is following the dietitian advice of eating a lot more soup/casserole type meals loaded with protein and veg and the Gastroentorologist advice of ensuring backside is treated every day with both steroid containing hemmoroid cream and suppositories or the combo of the 2 but it seems to be working.

1st round of AC I had to use Movicol to stay regular for the initial 5-7 days yet this time no need since day 1. Also happy to report bleeds had not returned in this round ??

Never thought I would be preoccupied with ny own backside this much but after the turmoil of the 1st Chemo I really cannot think of anything else.

This morning post visit to the loo was the 1st instance that I could say 'arse of fire' afterburn made a comeback but it was short lived and no horrid gut pain so still reckon it all seem idylic. Weightloss did make a comeback (last time lost 4kgs.in days 2-5) and now seems it started day 6 where I lost 1.5kg on the day before and another 1kg on 2nd day. Still not.understanding how my body does that but since dizzy spells have stopped I am thinking maybe this severe weightloss might stop today as the 2 seem to have coincided both rounds.

The only real downer has been that I am ovulating on time. I mean I could set the watch by the damn ovulation and it sucks. I have been promissed by the gyno and endocrynologist and the oncologist this flipping Chemo would push me into menopause - they assured me and had my hopes up ??????????

Well my damn reproductive system that had not worked since I started having periods at the age of 10 is in some flipping high gear and will not skip a beat ????????. I had a period 1.5 weeks after my 1st chemo and it was scary at times (lets not even mention the pain that had me hit the ground on several ocassions or the 10x10cm clots that my body was expelling for 2 days). I NEED MY BODY TO LISTEN TO DAMN EXPERTS AND STOP OVULATING...Why is it Chemo kills everybody's periods and it kicks mine into high gear ????????

It is scaring me a bit as at this rate that my next period will coincide with Chemo No3 and seeing my allergies and heart problems escalate when i have periods and they offcourse are also at their worst immediately after Chemo thought of the 2 collinding in 2.5 weeks seems like a 'perfect storm' that is about to take place so kind of has me scared.

It is weird how all this calm has got me doubly scared that there is something horrible lurking ahead - just waiting to 'get me'.

Close friends (kind of my 'de facto' family are having a picnic tomorrow and offcourse they want me there but somehow I just have this feeling that this time arround (2nd round) I had 'not paid my dues' and that there is some huge disaster waiting for me so I am apprehensive about going.

I have flashbacks to day 8 last time arround when those searing runs had me sobbing midday to 5pm or to the insane flatulece that could be heard on the street with the windows closed... I keep on imagining an absolute disaster where the 4 families get together and offcourse I either get the unpredictable return of either uncontrollable flatulence (as last time there was no predicting the thunderous farts nor delaying them 1 second) or the runs and being a picnic offcourse I do not make it to the loo...

I know I am probably being stupid but this all feels like a 'calm before the storm' and even though I can report much better outcome thus far I am just thinking maybe I should stay at home, hide and not risk ruining everybody else's day...

I have been so couped up as have only ventured out for medical appointments these past 4 weeks and for 2 walks with 1 friend so while dearly missing my 'family' I am just in 2 minds about continuing this self imposed exile thus avoiding the risks.  

I mean for all I know this has all been one great 'calm before the storm' and the remaining long weekend day could be some sick plan of the 'Chemo Gods' to 'get me'.

I do hope everyone else is well and having a great long weekend...

Hugs

Paranoid Jel.