Well today is a shit day and I'm blubbering again :( Nat had chemo yesterday, she threw up when then the red devil was put through and has the usual stomach pain which we can control with panadol and heat packs even though its hot today ugg. I had to inject her with Pegfilgrastim tonight (suppose to help with getting her body to make more white blood cells) and she cried and cried and didn't want me to do it I said that fine I can hold her hand and call the doctor to come to the house and she cried some more, saying I hate cancer and I hate needles it breaks my already broken heart.. We eventually got it done but uggg I hate this.. :'( how do you keep going when you just want to quit???

Hey, theres only one thing worse than getting a BC diagnosis, with all the shit treatment to go with it, that would be having a child getting ill. My heart bleeds for you, and hey ya can't just quit, can you. While your guts are slowly being ripped out. You will find the strength and so will your daughter. She is venting on you, just like I put my hubby through hell (yep I was going to shoot docs a lot during chemo). My thoughts are with you both. Pam

Hi Sue So sorry to hear about your and Nat's shit day. I am having a shit day too. I am blabbing again today too. Some days I just feel as if I am such a weak person and that I should just suck it up and get on with things. But then I remind myself that acknowledging that this is a shit day, IS how we keep going. The tears have a purpose. There has to be an outlet otherwise we'd go insane. Having a bad day lets us recognise the good days. We can't have one without the other. Hating this cancer shit makes us love other things about our life more. My beautiful 18 yr old son gave me such a shock last week when I came home from work and he had completely shaved his head in support of me starting chemo. It was so sweet but to be honest it broke my heart just a little to think that he made himself look like that for me. This same son told me years before that the heart is a muscle. And just like other muscles, when it breaks it mends and then grows back stronger. That thought sometimes makes me feel that the horrible feeling we get as mothers when something is hurting our kids - that deep ache I get in my chest when I am worried or hurting for my sons - has a purpose. That ache is making me stronger. No pain no gain. That heartache you feel, while shitty, is helping you love your daughter even more. Does that make sense? I am wishing you and Nat all the very best. Both of you are in my prayers. Nadine

Hi Sue I have just come across your post as I am relatively new to the site myself and have been on and off the site a bit as I struggle through my own BC journey, having now completed surgery and chemo and currently undergoing radio. I went back to read through your posts so far and am in tears reading your distress as a mum, as I know it is exactly how my own mum is feeling! I am 34 yrs old and was diagnosed in June this year, although older than your daughter I am still my mum's baby too! I can honestly say watching my mum go through all this along side me is both immensely comforting and excruciating at the same time as I'm sure you can appreciate. As I entered the chemo ward each time and took my position in the chair, seeing the look on her face (as others in the room had that look of realisation hit their faces that it was me and not her in for treatment) was absolutely soul destroying. I felt as helpless to her as she did to me! I too had the daunting experience of going through the fertility treatments before chemo, SO many injections and a total emotional rollercoaster! I also had to go through the Nivestim bone injections each round so again know how it feels. They are god awful, hurt like all hell and will make her body ache from head to toe worse than anyone can imagine, BUT they work wonders and I did not get sick or hospitalised when on them even when my white count dropped and I was anaemic. Hang in there and tell her to remember 'It's all temporary'. I had a needle phobia before my BC diagnosis but ended up doing all my injections myself as I felt more in control and at least I didn't have to watch anyone else do them! Needle phobia now cured! Please remember that your beautiful girl has gone from a hugely exaggerated high of hormones while on fertility treatment to literally no hormones overnight with the start of chemo as I did. Don't take the things she says personally, I know that's hard, but it is almost uncontrollable and to express how you are feeling normally at that point is impossible! It's so overwhelming for everyone. It's terrifying and unfair. My mum also wished it was her not me, but that doesn't change what you both have to deal with now. Stay strong and know that what your'e both doing is for the greater good, hard though it is. Just sit beside your precious girl and be there, it's all she needs right now. No words can really offer that much comfort when you feel like death going through chemo and believe me she won't know what to do to help herself, so too many questions (even well intentioned ones!) on what she needs can be beyond frustrating for her. Just be. She will ask if there is something physical you can do. The family dynamic is difficult. My sister didn't deal well with it. She is the one used to being the centre of attention while I am always the one that likes to be 'out of sight'. I hate being in the spot light almost as much as she hates me being there taking the attention away from her! Really not my choice, bloody BC. Ha Ha, it's never easy is it! I'm glad your family is getting some outside help, it is really important everyone learns some coping strategies. I am a local Adelaide hills lady, both mum and I are close if you or your daughter need any support along the way, even if it's just a cuppa! Please don't hesitate to get in touch if needed in any way. You are both amazingly strong ladies, more so than you will realise at this point. Take one day at a time, drink LOADS of water (both of you!) and breathe. Sending you both huge hugs and plenty of love. Holly xxxxx PS. Get her to suck on ice chips during chemo to help prevent mouth ulcers. Gargle with salt and bicarb rinse four times a day, suck on fruit tingles and don't eat any of her favourite foods! She may never want to eat them again as everything tastes awful and you associate it when chemo finishes!

Thank Pam, I know in my heart she is venting at me which is fine we all need to vent, today I can take it I had my sook kicked my self back into gear my smiley face is on (till the next time lol)

Thank Nadine, I think that was what I was feeling yesterday that I was a weak person and I could suck it up and get on with it and how the hell was I going to keep going for her when she was a having a shit day I needed to be there for her so yep I came on here and I cried and cried and today I feel like I got this I'm her mum and yep we can do this.. How lovely of your son to do that for you. Kids hey just when you think you have them worked out, they do something so lovely It reminds us just how much we love them. Yes what you said makes a lot of sense Thank you

Nat update | Online Network

Scared_Mum
Member
10 years ago
Sorry everyone I didn't get back to replying to you all I had to take Nat back to hospital her temp was 38.5 and she had really bad bone pain and she was only released today,

her neutrophil dropped from 6.3 something on admittance to 0.36 in 3 days in hospital and after I gave her the injection that was supposed to stop this ugggg two blood transfusions and lots of fluid and antibiotics later and I still just don't understand how this happened???

thank you all for listening to my yet another sooky lah post and the words of support they mean so much :)

I think with Christmas looming and as you know it costs a lot when someone is in hospital visiting fuel,parking food for the patient who tells me everything tastes like ass/dirt lol and her next dose is the 23rd of December uuugg I was just stressed with it all..

ChristineM how did it go with court??? I was thinking of you all day Monday

Merry Christmas everyone and thanks again xxxxx

Cheers Sue
Cook65
Member
10 years ago
Good on you Christine. You are being an amazing support to your daughter and her babies. So glad that things went your way in court. Karen xox
Scared_Mum
Member
10 years ago
I'm so glad Christine :) family court are not so black and white these days and I'm glad they were on your side that's a great relief...

you are a great mum, have fun next week with your babies all home for Christmas xxxx
Brenda5
Member
10 years ago
Hopefully that drop was a one off Sue and your daughter is on the mend now. Tis scary though so her doctors will now be on full alert it doesn't every happen that bad again. I suppose we can all be a bit quirky with our treatments as we're all special. Might not be the most bestest Christmas but at least there will still be one and that's the main thing.
Brenda5
Member
10 years ago
Step by step Christine, sounds like its going according to plan though and that's the main thing.

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