Forum Discussion

JennyK's avatar
JennyK
Member
13 years ago

Telling the kids...??!?!

Hi again Pink Sisters. 

I'm heading in for double mastectomy this Thursday.  I've previously posted a question re swimming post Latissimus Dorsi flap reconstruction - I'm just a few days away from the operating table. 

I've been talking to people (like you ladies here) to prepare myself, however, I'm stuck with respect to what to tell my little girls - 2 & 4 yrs. They know I'm going into hospital for an operation, but what shall I tell them when I come home with wounds, scars, swelling, etc in the breast area. Something I really enjoy doing with them is having a bath of a Sunday night. We have such fun. I know it will be a while until I'm able to do this again, but I'm scared that they will be really shocked when they see me naked after the op. Does anyone have any ideas? I'd be really grateful.

Thanks

Jenny

mastectomy
Reconstruction

7 Replies

  • pacwood's avatar
    pacwood
    Member
    13 years ago

    Hi Jenny.

     

    I hope your surgery went well. I too have 3 youg kids and the whole process can be tough on them. One awesome thing that helped my children was a book called "my mum has breast cancer". It was written by a mum and son and is a childrens picture book. It was great. if you can get one I cant reccomend it enough.

    I was very honest with my children, they saw everything and I told them enough details that they were never scared. If you need any tips, Pm me.

    xo Christie.

     

  • pacwood's avatar
    pacwood
    Member
    13 years ago

    Hi Jenny.

     

    I hope your surgery went well. I too have 3 youg kids and the whole process can be tough on them. One awesome thing that helped my children was a book called "my mum has breast cancer". It was written by a mum and son and is a childrens picture book. It was great. if you can get one I cant reccomend it enough.

    I was very honest with my children, they saw everything and I told them enough details that they were never scared. If you need any tips, Pm me.

    xo Christie.

     

  • -Samantha-'s avatar
    -Samantha-
    Member
    13 years ago

    Hey Jenny,

    Well it would be all over now, thinking of you and wishing you a speedy recovery!

    Keep in touch.

    Sam x

  • louiseg's avatar
    louiseg
    Member
    13 years ago

    Be honest but don't give too much info - they're little and they won't understand anyway!  I told my boys that I had to have a lump cut out of my boobie but that the hospital was going to make it all better again.  I actually had a mastectomy and TRAM reconstruction so it took a while to get better!  They knew to be gentle with me and that I couldn't do the sort of things with them that I used to for a little while.  I was actually amazed how gentle and loving they were!

    Good luck and we are here for you,

    Louise x

  • Meggsie's avatar
    Meggsie
    Member
    13 years ago
    Hi Jenny,Good luck with your operation tomorrow. All will be fine trust that you will get through it and you will...Re your kids. The first time i was diagnosed my boys were 6 & 3. They were very young but we did not lie to them and told that so that they would understand, the truth about what was happening. I had a TRAM flap so had 6wks of recovery which made me very limited in picking up or playing. I think the best was is to be honest about what is happening. Do not hide it or dumb it down as they know and they can also sometimes overhear you about what is happening and wonder why you aren't telling them the truth. Good uck and take care x
  • susiew's avatar
    susiew
    Member
    13 years ago

    Hi Jenny,

    Good luck! All will be fine...just a little adjusting to deal with!!

    I was lucky and only had a lumpectomy. But my kids had only just turned 3, 6 and 8. I found being honest was the best, because what we didn't tell them, at school or child care they would hear or imagine much worse! Our 6 year old just wanted to know that I was going to be alright....didn't really care what was going on, just needed reassurance. I went into a deep and meaningful chat about having breast cancer and going into hospital and asked if there were any questions...our 6 year old just looked at me and said "so...you need to have a boob operation to stay alive...ok then!"...mm...so simple huh!? Our 3 year old...had no idea of what was going on...but was totally intreged with bandages and scars and mum hugging her "boob" pillow for weeks on end. In fact the bandages and scars were quite good in the recovery phase because the younger ones to physically see they needed to be gentle.

    6 months on...the younger two every now and then will ask what the scar is...and I have to remind them. I think you will be surprised at how quick they accept that this is just how you are from now on.

    Did you ever get given a cancer council booklet on talking to your kids? It was fabulous.....let me know if you want me to find the real title etc if you are interested.

    Good luck...sending love and best wishes x

  • -Samantha-'s avatar
    -Samantha-
    Member
    13 years ago

    Hi Jenny,

    Sorry I cant really help with the "kind" of recon you're having as I had tissue expanders and then silicone implant exchange, but either way, sucky that we have to be here! But great that we have such a great place to come to for support!

    My daughter was just 5 when I was diagnosed and went through all my surgeries (2 years from beginning to end).

    Try and be as honest as you can, but at that age, they dont necessarily need to know the intracacies of the op. I'd just let them know they'll need to be "gentle" with you, tell them you have some "sores and bruises" but as long as you have some rest and do as the Dr tells you, that you'll feel better soon. Let them know that maybe you cant actually hop IN the bath with them, but you can still sit with them while they are in there.

    This whole journey needs some "rules" hey? I think most of us just wing it and do the best we can. Kids are pretty resiliant and as long as you are matter or fact and you're not too secretive, they'll love their Mummy either way! :-)

    Hope this helps a little bit, good luck tomorrow Jenny, let us know how you go. Try and get a good nights sleep and enjoy being waited on in the hospital! Dont hurry home, it'll all be there when you do. :-)

    Sam x