Advice on Telling Kids

My daughter was 14 when I was diagnosed... I was honest with her right from the start... she had a little cry & ask if I was going to die & once I explained everything to her she was fine & We tried to keep things pretty normal for her & she also had the great support of 2 older brothers as well. I also spoke to her school teachers so they could support her if needed.... So I think honesty is the best thing..you will be surprised at how the kids can actually get you through some of the tuff times.... I wish you all the best with your journey & the best advice you will hear is take one day at a time & take time out for yourself...& come on here whenever you need to....there is so much to learn & so many lovely ladies to talk to...... Take care:) Christine:) xox

My daughter was 14 when I was diagnosed... I was honest with her right from the start... she had a little cry & ask if I was going to die & once I explained everything to her she was fine & We tried to keep things pretty normal for her & she also had the great support of 2 older brothers as well. I also spoke to her school teachers so they could support her if needed.... So I think honesty is the best thing..you will be surprised at how the kids can actually get you through some of the tuff times.... I wish you all the best with your journey & the best advice you will hear is take one day at a time & take time out for yourself...& come on here whenever you need to....there is so much to learn & so many lovely ladies to talk to...... Take care:) Christine:) xox

Dear Robyn, Mona, Chris, Jenny and Christine,

Many thanks for your advice and sharing your experiences. My husband and I plan to tell our children this Friday.  You have helped me very much with your comments.  This forum is a great source of inspiration.

Best wishes to all of you.

Kelley

Dear Robyn, Mona, Chris, Jenny and Christine,

Many thanks for your advice and sharing your experiences. My husband and I plan to tell our children this Friday.  You have helped me very much with your comments.  This forum is a great source of inspiration.

Best wishes to all of you.

Kelley

Hi and welcome to this club none of us choose to join!

My children were 9 & 10 when I was diagnosed last September (similar diagnosis to yours). One of the first things I told them was that I was not going to die!  My husband & I have been very honest & open with them and told them about every procedure and treatment as it came up. They asked lots of questions which we answered as best we could but also let them know we just had to wait and see sometimes, as it was all new for us too!.....as Robyn said, they are very resilient & have been pretty good all the way through.

When my hair started falling out we made a special "date" and the kids had turns in clipping it short.....I wanted to make it more fun than scary for them to get used to seeing me bald. I took them to chemo during the school holidays so they could see where I had treatment.....showed them my scars etc & let them hold my prosthesis which they suggested would make a great stress ball!

I spoke to their school teachers & principal so they knew if any problems arose at school which there didn't. My son was at first a little embarassed when I started wearing my scarves instead of my wig but soon got used to it.

As scary and daunting as all this is, you will find great support and understanding on this forum...just remember to take one day at a time.

Jenny x

Hi and welcome to this club none of us choose to join!

My children were 9 & 10 when I was diagnosed last September (similar diagnosis to yours). One of the first things I told them was that I was not going to die!  My husband & I have been very honest & open with them and told them about every procedure and treatment as it came up. They asked lots of questions which we answered as best we could but also let them know we just had to wait and see sometimes, as it was all new for us too!.....as Robyn said, they are very resilient & have been pretty good all the way through.

When my hair started falling out we made a special "date" and the kids had turns in clipping it short.....I wanted to make it more fun than scary for them to get used to seeing me bald. I took them to chemo during the school holidays so they could see where I had treatment.....showed them my scars etc & let them hold my prosthesis which they suggested would make a great stress ball!

I spoke to their school teachers & principal so they knew if any problems arose at school which there didn't. My son was at first a little embarassed when I started wearing my scarves instead of my wig but soon got used to it.

As scary and daunting as all this is, you will find great support and understanding on this forum...just remember to take one day at a time.

Jenny x

trying to remember but i think i didnt use the word cancer for about two weeks--i just wanted to adjust to diagnosis etc so i think i referred to lump being removed and i would let them know about procedures --ie today they are taking a sample of the tissue etc.  and i put some of my attention in resting and adjusting to the diagnosis and treatment without sharing all my thoughts ie 'today i saw myself in a coffin...' and fears etc.  i did find it helpful to speak freely to husband but we would often have conversaitons and then give a condensed version to the kids.  older women would demand that the kids helped out but really i wanted business as usual for them and thought they both have their lives, pressures etc on top of bc stress i didnt want them to have to cook/clean etc we did tell them diagnosis and treatment including 'breast cancer' but didnt rush into to be 'hopeful' or any real approach but told their schools and i know the youngest did nt have conversations with me about it a lot but spoke to friends, friends mothers etc i wouldnt take kids to radiation appts etc --if they asked i would but they didnt want to get too involved --i gave messages that i found helpful to me and gave them to them--probably got it all in surgery, radiation extra protection or treatment and now have to take medication --this all worked as other than some extra rest, a bit of time off work and not cooking for a few weeks...life continued as pretty much usual

best wishes

trying to remember but i think i didnt use the word cancer for about two weeks--i just wanted to adjust to diagnosis etc so i think i referred to lump being removed and i would let them know about procedures --ie today they are taking a sample of the tissue etc.  and i put some of my attention in resting and adjusting to the diagnosis and treatment without sharing all my thoughts ie 'today i saw myself in a coffin...' and fears etc.  i did find it helpful to speak freely to husband but we would often have conversaitons and then give a condensed version to the kids.  older women would demand that the kids helped out but really i wanted business as usual for them and thought they both have their lives, pressures etc on top of bc stress i didnt want them to have to cook/clean etc we did tell them diagnosis and treatment including 'breast cancer' but didnt rush into to be 'hopeful' or any real approach but told their schools and i know the youngest did nt have conversations with me about it a lot but spoke to friends, friends mothers etc i wouldnt take kids to radiation appts etc --if they asked i would but they didnt want to get too involved --i gave messages that i found helpful to me and gave them to them--probably got it all in surgery, radiation extra protection or treatment and now have to take medication --this all worked as other than some extra rest, a bit of time off work and not cooking for a few weeks...life continued as pretty much usual

best wishes

trying to remember but i think i didnt use the word cancer for about two weeks--i just wanted to adjust to diagnosis etc so i think i referred to lump being removed and i would let them know about procedures --ie today they are taking a sample of the tissue etc.  and i put some of my attention in resting and adjusting to the diagnosis and treatment without sharing all my thoughts ie 'today i saw myself in a coffin...' and fears etc.  i did find it helpful to speak freely to husband but we would often have conversaitons and then give a condensed version to the kids.  older women would demand that the kids helped out but really i wanted business as usual for them and thought they both have their lives, pressures etc on top of bc stress i didnt want them to have to cook/clean etc we did tell them diagnosis and treatment including 'breast cancer' but didnt rush into to be 'hopeful' or any real approach but told their schools and i know the youngest did nt have conversations with me about it a lot but spoke to friends, friends mothers etc i wouldnt take kids to radiation appts etc --if they asked i would but they didnt want to get too involved --i gave messages that i found helpful to me and gave them to them--probably got it all in surgery, radiation extra protection or treatment and now have to take medication --this all worked as other than some extra rest, a bit of time off work and not cooking for a few weeks...life continued as pretty much usual

best wishes