Hometime
My op was on Thursday, and my surgeon had said about 3 days in hospital, so I was expecting to come home on Sat or Sunday. But on Friday nobody said anything about when that would be, just that they would see me again on Sat and see how I was. Friday night I asked the ward manager who said that with 100 mls in my drain before 8am that day, and 100 already from 8am onwards, it was touch and go. Maybe Sat, maybe Sun, maybe Mon. And the surgeon was not coming in till about 8.30 or later, and had asked them to ring through the drain measure. I told my husband it sounded unlikely I'd be home. But I got up and dressed in dayclothes anyway, felt good with a clear head. And the surgeon said I could go home if I wanted, So I did. He also said that if I have a higher grade tumour, or an HER2 or triple neg tumour, I will have chemo, and they may do it anyway.I am really pleased to know so I can be mentally prepared for that chapter being possible
Got home about 11 am. My cat was fascinated by the hospital smell on my bags and clothes, and I think its the first time she has come across people who have obviously had a stay at the vets.
The new challenge I am facing is developing the art of being a princess without pissing my husband off too much, or getting too fed up, or giving up and doing too much myself. In our 15 years together he has firmly resisted doing any cooking for me, so I have asked him to make me salads and juices and tea and coffee, with lots of freshly grated beetroot and carrots plus purchased roast chicken and sliced cold meats etc. since this stuff is my favourite summer food and good for me. I am really enjoying eating this way after hospital food. However the mess that goes with food prep and meal clearance is a problems. I do not like having foodscraps and mess spread around on the kitchen benches, esp during summer, and he does not think to clear things up or even to put meat and cheese away in the frig. So I am trying to remember that he is learning, and to be really grateful and appreciative of it all, to find the way to ask him to do things that need doing, and to keep it light. The real struggle is to not do it myself!
Any suggestions?
Comments
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My partner is a good cook but not so great at cleaning. He is very slow and particular about the way he does things and just doesn't see some mess, which drove me crazy when I came home from my surgery (mastectomy, SNB and TRAM reconstruction). It also worried me, as caring for me was taking so much of his time and I didn’t want him to resent it, however much he reassured me it was OK. So rather than asking him to do everything, I worked out what I really needed him to do (reaching, lifting, carrying, driving) and what I could do myself (eg food prep sitting down rather than standing). I did the things that I could do and got him to focus on the ones I couldn’t. I ended up doing most of the kitchen tidying and the washing up because I found otherwise it wouldn’t get done as soon as I liked, but that was OK, as long as I did it in small bits, not standing up too long. At first he was worried that he was failing me in some way, but I explained that there was no point exhausting him on things that I didn’t need him to do, when I relied on him so much for other things, not least as my absolute rock of emotional support.
Hope you find a way through, and I’m glad to hear you are home and feeling ready for the next steps.
Viv xxx0 -
My partner is a good cook but not so great at cleaning. He is very slow and particular about the way he does things and just doesn't see some mess, which drove me crazy when I came home from my surgery (mastectomy, SNB and TRAM reconstruction). It also worried me, as caring for me was taking so much of his time and I didn’t want him to resent it, however much he reassured me it was OK. So rather than asking him to do everything, I worked out what I really needed him to do (reaching, lifting, carrying, driving) and what I could do myself (eg food prep sitting down rather than standing). I did the things that I could do and got him to focus on the ones I couldn’t. I ended up doing most of the kitchen tidying and the washing up because I found otherwise it wouldn’t get done as soon as I liked, but that was OK, as long as I did it in small bits, not standing up too long. At first he was worried that he was failing me in some way, but I explained that there was no point exhausting him on things that I didn’t need him to do, when I relied on him so much for other things, not least as my absolute rock of emotional support.
Hope you find a way through, and I’m glad to hear you are home and feeling ready for the next steps.
Viv xxx0 -
My partner is a good cook but not so great at cleaning. He is very slow and particular about the way he does things and just doesn't see some mess, which drove me crazy when I came home from my surgery (mastectomy, SNB and TRAM reconstruction). It also worried me, as caring for me was taking so much of his time and I didn’t want him to resent it, however much he reassured me it was OK. So rather than asking him to do everything, I worked out what I really needed him to do (reaching, lifting, carrying, driving) and what I could do myself (eg food prep sitting down rather than standing). I did the things that I could do and got him to focus on the ones I couldn’t. I ended up doing most of the kitchen tidying and the washing up because I found otherwise it wouldn’t get done as soon as I liked, but that was OK, as long as I did it in small bits, not standing up too long. At first he was worried that he was failing me in some way, but I explained that there was no point exhausting him on things that I didn’t need him to do, when I relied on him so much for other things, not least as my absolute rock of emotional support.
Hope you find a way through, and I’m glad to hear you are home and feeling ready for the next steps.
Viv xxx0 -
I know exactly what you are talking about. My friends and family jokingly called me princess before my BC daignosis,so I was making a concerted effort not to be too much of one after my op. I have had trouble ignoring messy areas of the house while recovering and going through chemo. My partner is actually a better cook than I am and he cleans reasonably well, but in the first half of this year we put in a new Ikea kitchen, and I'm determined to keep it as clean and new as possible. He doesn't see things as I do, but it's a matter of ignoring it or do it myself. Then at Xmas he got ill and is slowly recovering from heart problems, so even less housework is being done! I am learning to ignore the little issues and we had a talk and decided to to prioritise, the kitchen and bathroom have to be cleaned and the rest can wait till we are both are up to it. I can see your point where you don't want to be seen to be nagging, maybe if you just explained what needs doing the most he will understand. Try not to do too much yourself and rest and recover when you can, wish you well,
Hazel xx
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I had aux clearance last tues & went home with drain in on thurs, which is in they tell me until I c the surgeon on wed. I'm very lucky to have a wonderful husband who has been cooking (he likes to cook anyway) but also working like a trojan cleaning & doing all the odd jobs around the house that have needed fixing (which I had been nagging about for months before I was diagnosed). I feel bad that I'm laying around & not contributing but any time he sees me doing anything I get in trouble..I find it hard to sit still when I c something needs cleaning but I have to just let it go, which I'm slowly learning to do. With 2 surgeries in less than a month & chemo coming up I have realised I have to rest. With triple negative & node +, grade 3 tumor, I'm unfortunately not getting out of the full Monty treatment, ha ha..I have not hit a low yet but I'm sure it's coming once treatment starts..
Hubby also bought me a cold press juicer so we are busily juicing everyday..& even the kids r enjoying them.
I hope your treatment is not too unbearable & thinking of you..
Theresa0 -
While ever you are lying down or walking like old lady dragging your drain around, you'll get princess status I would think.My husband can't cook much and has no eye for detail when it comes to housework but he did try.I don't mind easy meals and a messy house but I would draw the line at food being left out of the fridge - now that's a salmonella invitation!! Good luck.Tonya xx
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That sounds like a very wise way to handle it. If I explain what really matters to me about how things are done, he does get it. After reading your post, I told him that it worries me to have foodscraps and dirty plates around esp in this weather, and that once I am on chemo I have to be careful of moulds and bugs because I will be immuno--suppressed for a time. And he is being a lot more careful with things. Part of the trouble is that I have also had a massive deep lipoma (harmless fatty cyst) removed from my other collarbone at the time of my mastectomy, and this has left a big hole in the chest muscle he couldn't stitch together: I have strict orders from my surgeon to do very little with my right arm for the next two weeks, so it is like having a broken right arm as well as a post-mastectomy light-duties-only left mastectomy arm. So I really ought to be a total princess leaving almost everything to my husband and family. But I keep doing stuff I shouldn't.
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Hi TheresaW I just read your blog posts and saw that you had your initial surgery in December, and got your pathology report on 23rd Dec. What a shitty Christmas for you, having to learn your Happy New Year would begin with an axillary clearance, then Chemo! Or perhaps it was good to know exactly what you had to plan for (as far as any of us ever can) . If you have stayed so chirpy through that, I reckon you won't stay low even if you do hit the lows briefly
.And snap about the juicer. That was actually my Christmas present, and unfortunately I got a badly made one that broke down after 5 days. The replacement arrived the day of my surgery, so we are juicing too. Or I should say my husband is juicing for me. Do you have any good recipes?
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Thanks so much for your kind comments and suggestions.
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Thanks so much for your kind comments and suggestions.
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My juicer was also a Christmas present! Don't have any good recipes but we tried kale today with apple, carrot, celery, orange & ginger..not too bad.
Had a call today from the breast cancer nurse & was toms I might have the drain in until early next week argggg...not what I wanted to hear but what do u do..
Haven't seen on oncologist yet, hopefully will know more when I c the surgeon on Wed..but he did say I will need full treatment.
Theresa0 -
I think most ladies on here can relate to your story! I am a neat -freak and found it very difficult, post double-mastectomies, to ignore mess left in the kitchen. For a couple of weeks I was in so much pain that I couldn't even think about anything else. Once I got the right balance of pain-management medication I made one trip downstairs every night to clean up any mess I couldn't bear to have lying around. That way I wasn't being a princess when I knew that my husband was doing his best, and I also felt a little bit more in control of things.
Take it one day at a time and don't be too hard on yourself. You are the one doing the hard yards...
Hugs,
Jeanine xxx0 -
I think most ladies on here can relate to your story! I am a neat -freak and found it very difficult, post double-mastectomies, to ignore mess left in the kitchen. For a couple of weeks I was in so much pain that I couldn't even think about anything else. Once I got the right balance of pain-management medication I made one trip downstairs every night to clean up any mess I couldn't bear to have lying around. That way I wasn't being a princess when I knew that my husband was doing his best, and I also felt a little bit more in control of things.
Take it one day at a time and don't be too hard on yourself. You are the one doing the hard yards...
Hugs,
Jeanine xxx0
