Mini Meltdown

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Janey235
Janey235 Member Posts: 1,206 ✭
edited December 2013 in Health and wellbeing
I just wanted to tell you all a little story. I was out doing some much needed Christmas shopping today. Yes it's 40 degrees here in Melbourne today and I decide to shop. What an idiot!!!!! But I have been unwell and unmotivated to shop this last week because of this damn annoying cold. I think it's okay and then it seems to freshen up again and I'm sore from coughing and my nose is crusty. Arhhhhh, you know the deal with colds. But back to shopping. I had picked up some presents and I was tired and my feet hurt so I sat down to lunch. Bought a bottle of water because stupid me left my bottle in my hot car. This all sounds innocent enough doesn't it. Well I thought I'd better have some water as I had not hydrated enough today of all days. But try as I might I couldn't get the top off the bottle. I sat there trying for a good five minutes then I got really emotional and couldn't stop myself from crying. I had to retreat into the ladies to calm myself down. Talk about melt down. Over a water bottle. Is this silly or what?

Ladies those of you who are just starting on this journey take heart. It's okay to have a meltdown every now and again. It's all part of the process and I am not beating myself up about it but I just wish I wasn't in the middle of a crowded food hall at a major shopping centre LOL

How embarrassing!
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Comments

  • All smiles
    All smiles Member Posts: 59 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    Hi Janey ,
    You poor thing . I read your posts and advice to others and you are so strong . I wish I could be more like you ! It's amazing what little things can set us off though and in my case there are still tears most days .
    I hope you got your shopping done and have a lovely Christmas with your family . You deserve it !
    Sophie xoxo
  • All smiles
    All smiles Member Posts: 59 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    Hi Janey ,
    You poor thing . I read your posts and advice to others and you are so strong . I wish I could be more like you ! It's amazing what little things can set us off though and in my case there are still tears most days .
    I hope you got your shopping done and have a lovely Christmas with your family . You deserve it !
    Sophie xoxo
  • Bearteggie
    Bearteggie Member Posts: 326
    edited March 2015
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    Hi Janey

    I haven't even started chemo yet and I am already having melt downs.  I am a nervous wreck as a passenger in the car and today found myself crying in the Medicare Office because I am annoying my husband with my anxiety. On the way home I was wondering if I should seek help for my out of control anxiety, but from what you are discribing it sound like it is all par for the course.

    I guess we all all feel very vulnerable and fragile during this process.

    Glad to hear you aren't beating yourself up over this meltdown.  I will do the same. 

    Love

    Joy xx

     

     

     

  • Janey235
    Janey235 Member Posts: 1,206 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    I find it kind of funny now looking back on it. I must have looked ridiculous. Not that I think everyone was looking at me but at a moment like that it feels like every eye on the planet is fixed on you. I was self conscious enough going out in public for THE very first time without my scarf and my oh so short grey curly hair on show.

    Oh well, stuff happens.
    Janey xxx
  • Janey235
    Janey235 Member Posts: 1,206 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    We are going through physical and emotional turmoil on this journey and we all will be visited by meltdowns, big and small. It's perfectly normal :)
    Janey xxx
  • Janey235
    Janey235 Member Posts: 1,206 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    Your so sweet. We have a saying in our family which came about when my sister said an hilarious thing about her new laptop she got a few years ago. She said "aren't they amazing you can use them on your lap". My son piped up with "ummm, LAPTOP". We all roared with laughter and it's now stuck. My husband said to me when I told him about today "ummmm, ROLLER COASTER". Ain't it the truth!

    Same wishes for Christmas to you too Deanne.

    Love Janey xxx
  • Robyn W
    Robyn W Member Posts: 1,932 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    I had tears in the bank this morning.I was lining up,and there were a lot of people.I could see out of the corner of my eye,one lady staring at me.I started to feel very flustered and hot,and suddenly I felt as though I was going to faint.I rushed for a seat,and started crying.Another lady came over and asked me if I was alright,and I snapped at her,YES!! This is not like me.I regained my composure and went back to lining up! I didn't care in that moment what people thought,I just wanted to get home.Its not easy being out and about,and I think this is something that is going to take a long time to really adjust to.Cheers ladies:) Robyn xoxo
  • LouiseTurner
    LouiseTurner Member Posts: 1,610 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    Oh Janey and Robyn, you poor things. Do you think the time of year is contributing to your emotions...and janey, the first time with no headwear, 40 degree heat and chrissy shoppoing just days before christmas. A recipe for disaster really. but good on you for getting out there.

    I really hope everyone gets to put their feet up and relaxes this chrissy. I found some photos of myself from christmas last year. I didnt think i had any pics of me bald, but yes, christmas ones. I looked like a bowling ball with a big fat body wobbling around. but i was determined to be comfortable and went baldy on top. I found it liberating and like I was back in control or something.

    Its amazing how quickly we can laugh about the embarrassment and the horrors of BC. Its empowering.

    XXXLouie

     

  • LouiseTurner
    LouiseTurner Member Posts: 1,610 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    Oh Janey and Robyn, you poor things. Do you think the time of year is contributing to your emotions...and janey, the first time with no headwear, 40 degree heat and chrissy shoppoing just days before christmas. A recipe for disaster really. but good on you for getting out there.

    I really hope everyone gets to put their feet up and relaxes this chrissy. I found some photos of myself from christmas last year. I didnt think i had any pics of me bald, but yes, christmas ones. I looked like a bowling ball with a big fat body wobbling around. but i was determined to be comfortable and went baldy on top. I found it liberating and like I was back in control or something.

    Its amazing how quickly we can laugh about the embarrassment and the horrors of BC. Its empowering.

    XXXLouie

     

  • TonyaM
    TonyaM Member Posts: 2,836 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    Yep,it's usually the little things that trigger a mini meltdown.The hard thing is not being able to predict your emotions.You think you're ok and confident with whatever is on your head but it doesn't take much to rattle you.Well done Janey getting to the ladies toilet and not having to line up! I would keep sunglasses and a hankie in my handbag at all times.The hankie would help open the bottle top and if not,then help mop up the tears.Thanks for sharing Janey as it reminds us that we're not crazy but rather vulnerable with our emotions a little fragile from time to time.Ofcourse hot weather doesn't help either. Stay in the air con and have a nice Christmas.   love,Tonya xx

                         

  • Janey235
    Janey235 Member Posts: 1,206 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    Yes it does take a while to adjust to being out with the obvious "Hey look at me, I've got cancer" scarf/hat on. People do stare, they can't help it I guess. I had a moment the other day when I caught the eye of a lady with a scarf and we kind of nodded and smiled. We understood.

    You do get used to it Robyn or perhaps it's just that you learn to live with it. The next thing you know is it'll be your turn to take your scarf off which was a bit frightening for me but I did it and I know it will be easier every time I'm out there. It also means that you are closer to the end of your journey which is great!

    I tell you what, if I promise to not beat myself up about it, then you'll have to promise too :)

    Love Janey xxx
  • Janey235
    Janey235 Member Posts: 1,206 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    Yes you're right. I felt quite good after a while going out in my scarves. I even got the occasional compliment on the way I twisted them and I eventually ignored the stares. So I will have to learn again to feel good about how I look. It's just not the way I want to look right now. I am thinking I will probably have my hair dyed again. Not ready to be grey yet :)

    Janey xxx
  • Janey235
    Janey235 Member Posts: 1,206 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    Yes we are all a little fragile and I do think it's the time of year for me. Tomorrow is the 1 year anniversary of my diagnoses and last year's Christmas was a wipeout. I do so want this Christmas to be nice and 'normal' for my family. I'm sure I'm getting a little stressed about that. Well it has to be better than last year that's for sure :)

    Love Janey xxx
  • jenpen
    jenpen Member Posts: 315 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    Oh Janey

    It is so great to read your blogs! You make me feel "normal"with all that is going on!

    "Roller coaster" is defo the best description I reckon.....I guess if it wasn't the stupid water bottle lid it might have been some other trivial trigger! 

    Uuggghhh....the stares! How annoying! I find myself looking in window reflections to see if people are staring at my scarf.....noting my cancer! So what, says my husband! So crazy....but that's what this is hey?

    Shower is always a great place to cry.....feel like I still have to remain semi-controlled for my children! But I think they are realizing I am human, not the supermum they imagined! 

    Have a wonderful Xmas Janey...you have come so far since 20/12/12! And so inspirational to us......xxx

  • Robyn W
    Robyn W Member Posts: 1,932 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    No problem Janey:) I hope you have a truly beautiful Christmas,and thanks for always being here with advice,just when it's needed.xoxoxRobyn

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