1st post

norts
norts Member Posts: 1
edited September 2016 in Supporting someone with breast cancer

Hi Everyone

This is my first post, so it may be a little long.

Really need to find out if there is anyone else in this situation or have been through this and any ideas on how to cope best...

I was diagnosed last september and a week later I had a skin saving mastectomy and reconstruction. 4cm mass left breast, 3 nodes taken, negative. HER2 positive. Have just completed Docetaxel, Cyclo and Herceptin, with Herceptin to continue till Dec.

I am 42 with a 5 yo son. My partner has totally turned against me and wants me out. I feel totally shattered. I have cried for most of my treatment, but haven't tried to get any help for this. Now I feel very low. 

 

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Comments

  • TonyaM
    TonyaM Member Posts: 2,836 ✭
    edited March 2015

    I was so sorry to read your blog.We are so reliant on our partners/husbands when we go through these difficult bc treatments.Some men rise to the occasion and others want to run.There are a few ladies on this network whose partners did the latter.My husband was my rock but then we've been together for 33 years and still love each other.If you were having problems before bc then it can sometimes be the last straw,so to speak.If his behaviour is out of character and out of the blue then maybe he is depressed and needs counselling.In any case,you and your son need to be safe and need family support-your mum,a brother,sister or good friend?Could you talk to them -perhaps you could stay with them?You should be able to see a psychologist or a social worker at the hospital where you had chemo.They will help you work through this situation-don't try and face all this on your own.You have been through alot,both physically and emotionally and it will take awhile to get your strength back.It's not uncommon to feel depressed after breast cancer so please talk to your doctor.Blog back here for support or to vent your feelings-I think it helps.

                                   Tonya xx

  • TonyaM
    TonyaM Member Posts: 2,836 ✭
    edited March 2015

    I was so sorry to read your blog.We are so reliant on our partners/husbands when we go through these difficult bc treatments.Some men rise to the occasion and others want to run.There are a few ladies on this network whose partners did the latter.My husband was my rock but then we've been together for 33 years and still love each other.If you were having problems before bc then it can sometimes be the last straw,so to speak.If his behaviour is out of character and out of the blue then maybe he is depressed and needs counselling.In any case,you and your son need to be safe and need family support-your mum,a brother,sister or good friend?Could you talk to them -perhaps you could stay with them?You should be able to see a psychologist or a social worker at the hospital where you had chemo.They will help you work through this situation-don't try and face all this on your own.You have been through alot,both physically and emotionally and it will take awhile to get your strength back.It's not uncommon to feel depressed after breast cancer so please talk to your doctor.Blog back here for support or to vent your feelings-I think it helps.

                                   Tonya xx

  • playwithhair
    playwithhair Member Posts: 14
    edited March 2015

    Norts, this is such upsetting news!! You are going through so much already, you have a 5 year old AND he is turning his back on you when you need him most? Yuk!

    I agree with Tonya, he might need to get some help or counselling with you to discuss things further.. but you and your son are most of important of all! You guys aren't alone, there is the network here and there is also plenty of local support groups.

    I hope your family is nearby so you can ask them to help you deal with it... Whatever the case, please don't think you're alone, and it IS okay to reach out and ask people for help!As for 'wanting you out'... why should YOU go? You're just as fine to be there as he is, perhaps it's time for him to go instead.

    And definitely, spill the beans on here all you like when you need to, there are so many wonderful supportive people who have been through the very same thing as you.

    Please keep us posted, and wow - I truly hope your husband sorts out whatever it is going on there, he should be there for you most definitely! Keep your chin up, your spirits high and get ready to power on through this however you can :) You have more strength in there than you probably know.

    *HUG* :)

  • NaturalBel
    NaturalBel Member Posts: 542 ✭
    edited March 2015

    Use this website as often as you can, it has kept me sane as I have moved to Tasmania and dont have any friends here as yet to lean on.   Just knowing youre not on your own.  Plus you can phone where you get treated and there is emotional support from the hospital via a counsellor for free, and if you have a breast care nurse you like, or can contact the people at the cancer council, phone for help immediately.  Dont try to work it out on your own when there are professionals full of great advice, sympathy and help when really needed.  Getting Cancer is one way to discover truth in people, good and bad.  This is major for you, and you need instant help, I hope you get it quickly.  I couldnt imagine how aweful the situation is.  My Mums first husband left her as a single mother when she was the first case of TB in Australia.  So you can imagine what it was like back then with zero help,  and instantly got kicked out of the Catholic Church at the time.  Her parents were alcoholics, and I can only imagine how desperate she was in those days.  Years later, she met my fabulous Dad, who was been here carer since 55 when she got breast cancer.  Yeh I know, doesnt help you one bit, but my heart goes out to you.  Perhaps with councelling it can be sorted between you!  Regards Bel xx

  • magicmum
    magicmum Member Posts: 285 ✭
    edited March 2015

    I feel so incredibly lusky and grateful that my h is my super strong support. He keeps me going when I want to give up.

    Def endorse all the above comments. You stay right where you are - if he wants to leave you then he can go. Search out whatever help you can.It's there to be had.

    I am also HER2+ so on Herceptin for a whilelike you. We can do this.

    much love,

    magicmum

  • magicmum
    magicmum Member Posts: 285 ✭
    edited March 2015

    I feel so incredibly lucky and grateful that my h is my super strong support. He keeps me going when I want to give up.

    Def endorse all the above comments. You stay right where you are - if he wants to leave you then he can go. Search out whatever help you can.It's there to be had.

    I am also HER2+ so on Herceptin for a while like you. We can do this.

    much love,

    magicmum

  • magicmum
    magicmum Member Posts: 285 ✭
    edited March 2015

    I feel so incredibly lucky and grateful that my h is my super strong support. He keeps me going when I want to give up.

    Def endorse all the above comments. You stay right where you are - if he wants to leave you then he can go. Search out whatever help you can.It's there to be had.

    I am also HER2+ so on Herceptin for a while like you. We can do this.

    much love,

    magicmum

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