The Husband/ Carer!

NaturalBelNaturalBel SOUTH ADELAIDE Member Posts: 542

When man dragged Jane out of cave by hair, he knew how to hunt, build a fire, and fight war.   No need to talk about it, just do!

Is there anyone else out there who can share their story of the male who isnt an "Instant Nurse" JUST ADD WATER.

 We are talking: doesnt switch off a light, put a cup in the sink and still finds the laundry basket is an invisible basket.  Now, he has to do everything, plus go to work full time, plus Gig at night, plus pay the bills, plus make all the annoying phone calls, drive me around...................rub my back.............

 Love to hear ???????????????????????????

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  • JenAliJenAli Member Posts: 34
    edited March 2015

    My husband has amazed me, hangs out washing without being asked..never before!, daily neck rubs, and maintains a great off-beat sense of humour and just sits with me when I dissolve into tears. I would be sick of me by now but he just hangs in there.

    Our first child suffered a brain haemorrhage at birth and has cerebral palsy and he was wonderful then and still now... his classic line when we were told our son was brain damaged was to say to me later...hey does this mean we can get disabled parking?

  • JenAliJenAli Member Posts: 34
    edited March 2015

    My husband has amazed me, hangs out washing without being asked..never before!, daily neck rubs, and maintains a great off-beat sense of humour and just sits with me when I dissolve into tears. I would be sick of me by now but he just hangs in there.

    Our first child suffered a brain haemorrhage at birth and has cerebral palsy and he was wonderful then and still now... his classic line when we were told our son was brain damaged was to say to me later...hey does this mean we can get disabled parking?

  • TonyaMTonyaM Member Posts: 2,623
    edited March 2015

    Jane should drop standards but write priority list for her caveman.Man functions better with explicit list.It's amazing what they CAN do when the need arises.Oh,and they HATE constructive criticism-but you already knew that right?Good luck.

                                      Tonya xx

  • NaturalBelNaturalBel SOUTH ADELAIDE Member Posts: 542
    edited March 2015

    I have typed out a manual, but hey that just me.  He may or may not use it, but it has condensced all the info provided, plu I can now have a clear conscience.  I have sat down with him and had a few serious discussions about my concerns, or discussed things as they arise, keeping the info brief, as he hates a long story.  We are noticing a change in behaviour and attitude, he is taking it all in his stride and keeping a smile on his face throughout.  He hates list, so I do need to just let it happen when parents leave on 22nd and have faith in him.  As he has already said "You have judged me before we have started!"  However, Ive been aware of the cancer since October!  I need to be patient, turn a blind eye, and trust he will be fabulous because he loves me!

  • NaturalBelNaturalBel SOUTH ADELAIDE Member Posts: 542
    edited March 2015

    I had the absolute worst day ever yesterday.  I rang my health insurance company to find Id been mis-informed about how much my wig will be covered the first time around.  I was devasted and cried openly when the 2nd person from the company said, no that was right, you only get $180 to spend on the wig and not the $500 the first person said.  She was abrupt and insinuated that I had misheard the woman originally.  I cried at her "But I rang before I bought the wig and asked her twice to  make sure I didnt over spend!"   I spent the rest of the day in tears, telling myself I hate my life, and the afternoon was wasted lying on my bed.  I was still sulking at 5pm and my parents couldnt work out what was wrong as we had discussed the drama earlier.  So I finally started telling them what Id been thinking all day and cried again, Mum put her arm around me,  and the 3 of us talked it through.  When my husband came through the door at 6.30pm he took one look and asked "Whats wrong?" as Ive been very good so far with emotions, and after I told him he said with great concern "You cant let something get to you its not good for your health and your immune system.  You need to try to stay calm, relaxed and not worry.  You are going through so much, Im here, you will be ok, I will take care of you!"  So every step of this preparation time for my husband, he is stepping up to the plate, just as he said he would.  I truly believe that with the changing of our roles, it will create a better situation for us at the end.  After all, if you leave something for long enough unresolved, something will usually evolve to change it for you.  I have always believed that our rug has seen a lot of stuff swept under it, and at last, (ironically my husband just bought us a new floor rug for the lounge room), our pile is being removed!  There is a light at every tunnel!  I know he loves me and he will work it out!  Love Bel

  • atashiatashi Member Posts: 29
    edited March 2015

    Where can I find one? Going from pink to green here :)

     

  • atashiatashi Member Posts: 29
    edited March 2015

    Where can I find one? Going from pink to green here :)

     

  • TonyaMTonyaM Member Posts: 2,623
    edited March 2015

    You poor darl,but what a treasure your hubby is turning out to be.I was only in the 2nd top extra cover of Medibank private and didn't qualify at all for a wig.I spent $450 on a wig and hardly wore it. In the end it's just money.The fine print on those health insurance booklets are hard to work out.We seem to be getting less and less back lately.Paid $110 for a quick follow up visit with my surgeon and got $32 back.I'm going to the dentist this Friday and I shudder to think how much that will be.Your husband is right ,we have to chill out-stress is not good for our health.I have a personal rule now-I only allow myself to be upset for 24hrs and then I either forget it or shelve it.I think having a good cry helps too.But you have to put up with a red face and puffy eyes afterwards!

                                                    Tonya xx

  • playwithhairplaywithhair Member Posts: 14
    edited March 2015

    Insurance companies can be extremely rude when they are on the phone to you, it's amazing... They are there to support you when things turn bad, but generally they are mean and snappy. You would think they were better prepared!

    When you phone your insurance company, they record everything I do believe, you can speak to a manager and get them to check back on the records - they can see who access your account and when on the system, and they can check the tape of the person telling you $500. Once you get that confirmation, you can do the I TOLD YOU SO dance and wave it in their face, whilst also asking them to counsel their rude meanie staff member to provide a more caring and considerate tone with their customers in future... if you're up to it!!

    If it helps you keep your composure on the phone, grab a kids colouring book and pick some hilarious fairy picture  - shade it all in nicely all pink and pretty while you're on the phone and you'll be less likely to get too upset. It works for me... shhh don't tell anyone, it's embarassing. ;)

  • AnneMPAnneMP Member Posts: 45
    edited March 2015
    I must say my husband has always been great with helping around the house and kids, so for him this part was easy! What my husband was never good with was sharing emotions, he grew up with the motto "boys don't cry" well he has poured out more emotion in the last 3 months than he has in the 26 years I have known him. This support has meant more to me than putting a cup away! As for the insurance I couldn't believe how much I was out of pocket even with private health insurance, this really does add stress where it's not needed! But what do you do? Spend the money on the wig, if it makes you feel better its priceless!
    Anne xx
  • AnneMPAnneMP Member Posts: 45
    edited March 2015
    I must say my husband has always been great with helping around the house and kids, so for him this part was easy! What my husband was never good with was sharing emotions, he grew up with the motto "boys don't cry" well he has poured out more emotion in the last 3 months than he has in the 26 years I have known him. This support has meant more to me than putting a cup away! As for the insurance I couldn't believe how much I was out of pocket even with private health insurance, this really does add stress where it's not needed! But what do you do? Spend the money on the wig, if it makes you feel better its priceless!
    Anne xx
  • playwithhairplaywithhair Member Posts: 14
    edited March 2015

    Many record everything digitally now, at the very least they log anyone who reads your account or accesses it, so you can find out the person who said you could have $500 and then also find out the name of the grouchy cow :)

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