future worrying...back again

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magicmum
magicmum Member Posts: 285 ✭
edited December 2012 in Health and wellbeing

I have started to worry again about metastises. Silly I know, but I'm really fretting about how I will know whether I have any. I spose it;s because a few poeple I know have died recently after a very short time and I'm just anxious.

How do you deal with that ? How do you know when a pain is just a pain, or when should you go and ask about it ? I do NOT want to spend my life having checkups and worrying myself for no reason, but I don't want to  find that something I thought was nothing turns about to be serious and too late. I want to be able to tell myself it's over when the treatment finishes, and not wake upevery day wondering what's going on inside me.

Oh crap, why isn't this getting easier.

magicmum

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  • catcrazy
    catcrazy Member Posts: 44
    edited March 2015
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    Hi magicmum ( great name ),

     

    I can sympathise with how you feel. I am only at the start of my journey, having had lump out of left breast 4 weeks ago, turned out to be 6cm grade 3. I have elected not to have chemo purely because of the reoccurance rate for my age (38) and the grade of tumour. Not a great deal of extra encouragemnet for going through all the chemo ( you can see my other posts I think for a thorough description of my feelings about this ) as opposed to living for now and trying to put this darn crap behind me. I do understand what you mean by the not knowing. Even at this early stage if I get a slight pain in the knee ( actually arthritis thats been there since I was 3 ) I do wonder, oh god, is it my bones or the random sharp pain in the belly that makes me think, Oh my! I guess all we can reaaly do is live each day to the fullest and cross each bridge, should we come to it. Anyway, good luck with everyone, we may talk again. Natalie xxx

  • catcrazy
    catcrazy Member Posts: 44
    edited March 2015
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    Hi magicmum ( great name ),

     

    I can sympathise with how you feel. I am only at the start of my journey, having had lump out of left breast 4 weeks ago, turned out to be 6cm grade 3. I have elected not to have chemo purely because of the reoccurance rate for my age (38) and the grade of tumour. Not a great deal of extra encouragemnet for going through all the chemo ( you can see my other posts I think for a thorough description of my feelings about this ) as opposed to living for now and trying to put this darn crap behind me. I do understand what you mean by the not knowing. Even at this early stage if I get a slight pain in the knee ( actually arthritis thats been there since I was 3 ) I do wonder, oh god, is it my bones or the random sharp pain in the belly that makes me think, Oh my! I guess all we can reaaly do is live each day to the fullest and cross each bridge, should we come to it. Anyway, good luck with everyone, we may talk again. Natalie xxx

  • annie2
    annie2 Member Posts: 164
    edited March 2015
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    Hi I feel exactly the same.Im 2 years and mammo and bloods were all clear.However i know a lot of women have scans to check for any hot spots.These arnt offered to me.

    I have constant pain and always wonder if it is something sinister.I dont know how we ease this burden.I think it will always be on my mind.Like you i wonder why i cant stop thinking about it.Maybe it will lessen over time fingers crossed.

    Annie xx

  • louiseg
    louiseg Member Posts: 412 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    I agree.  It is worrying not knowing what is happening in our bodies.

    I was first diagnosed at age 35 in 2003 and didn't have chemo.  I was unlucky enough to be diagnosed with another breast cancer in 2010 at age 42.  This time I had chemo.  I didn't want to worry about all those little cancer cells potentially bouncing around in my body!  I guess being diagnosed twice and having chemo this time would put my mind at ease because hopefully all the cancer cells are dead, but it doesn't.  It's always in the back of my mind...

    I think we have to trust our doctors when they say that there is no need for scans/tests (even though that is hard to understand).  They know what is best and if we listen to our own bodies and get any niggling pains checked if they don't clear up in a couple of weeks, then hopefully none of us will have any recurrence of this horrible disease.

    Louise x

  • Lyn11
    Lyn11 Member Posts: 272 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    My oncologist was just as caring and empathetic as yours! I wonder if we went to the same one! I, too, worry all the time and wonder if any twinge is cancer coming back to a new place. I asked my oncologist how I could check and she said I couldn't. So I just take a nurofen and hope. 

    I think everyone secretly fears the return but we have to learn to push that fear  to the back of our minds. I try to think positively and if the doubt pops its head up I think of something I love, like my grand-babies, which aren't babies any more, even though I keep telling them to stop growing!

    You are definitely not alone,

    Lynne

  • adean
    adean Member Posts: 1,036 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    hi, I know how you feel I try not to think about it but it creeps in when im doing my hair ,cooking tea ,trying to sleep .As much as we think weve beat it those damn thoughts creep in only sometimes for a second but you try and push it away but that thought still manages to worm its way through. I found now xmas is approaching its worse because you think will i be celebrating next year? will I be ok next year next week next month , Then I WANT TO SLAP myself and say idiot get on with enjoying life. NO you are not alone I think we will have those thouhgts forever.

     

    LOVE TO ALL ADEAN

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