Personality change?
Hi ladies,
I am in need of help! It is almost a year since I finished my treatment for triple negative breast cancer. I was 42 when diagnosed and it was a roller coaster ride in so many ways. My husband was not there for me emotionally, and it was an extremely difficult year - as you will all relate to!!
I have worked hard on my self this year - I have lost 20kgs and am trying to get my emotions in control - and this is largely working - I used to be very emotional all the time.
I am going through marriage difficulties still and my husband has said that I have had a huge personality change since cancer. I thought that I had just grown as a person and was stronger. But I have learnt that other people are saying the same thing. I am starting to worry about what has happened to me!!!!!
Does anyone else feel like this?
Mel
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Hi Mel
Congratulations on losing 20kg!!!!!, well done, how did you manage that, I am sure all the pink sisters would love to hear how you managed it.
I am so sorry your hubby wasn't there for you emotionally during your yukky journey, I guess we all have to deal with it the best way we can as it is a very hard thing for all of us to go through. I believe it is hard for us but even harder for our loved ones.
When you say that people are saying you have changed, are they saying you have changed in a good way or a bad way. If it is a good way then that is great and wonderful for you. If it is a bad way, how can that be?? If you have grown from your BC experience and are becoming a stronger person then I can't see how that can be bad. If you are aggressive and selfish and that sort of thing then I can understand how they feel.
What you have been through is a very traumatic experience and it is bound to change us in some way and if you feel good about yourself and are feeling well and strong and happy then I think the other people including your hubby have to adjust with you and it is all a bit of give and take.
I have just finished my BC treatment and I am not sure yet how it has changed me but I know it definitely has. One thing is like you I want to get well, healthy and lose some weight. As far as my personality changes I guess we will have to wait and see but I hope BC makes me a stronger and more compassionate caring person cause I think that will be a good place to start and where I go from there we will see.
I guess your hubby and family have a little bit of adjusting to do like you have had to do ..........throughout your whole journey and I am sure it is an ongoing process these changes in us.
I wish you luck and hope you and your hubby can work through these issues. Keep in touch and I am sure the other girls will have some advice for you, especially the girls further down the track of their journey than me. I just wanted to wish you well.
Mich xoxo
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Firstly GREAT on losing the weight. So proud of you. Secondly I saw your "piece" in the Sunday Mail today. I am yet to read it as we had friends over for the NRL grand final. I saw your photo, Ricki's photo and Tonya's photo and thought "they are my pink sisters". I think all of our husbands go through "something" when we are diagnosed. My husband is always telling me to stay away from those "cancer people" as he feels it changes me and makes me depressed. Too right it changes me. It makes me feel so damn blessed to be alive and well and gives me a greater Jest for living. Not sure how to deal with his anger most of the time but if we both have friends around or mingle with friends at their homes he seems to be a whole lot better. He comments that I am different when I am with "normal" people. (Much more happy) Yeh I am laughing inside about how strong I am and wondering how these people (some shallow ones) would cope in my situation. I just love people of all kinds - especially ones who I can relate to (Pink Sisters being at the top of the list). I know it is very hard for partners to except what it happening to us but I also can't figure out why they want to argue with us. Why waste valuable and precious time???? If only they would take themselves off to "talk with a professioal". You are definately not alone in this issue. I have four friends who have spoken of this exact subject within the last two days. Maybe someone really "intelligent" can come up with some answers. Best wishes to you XLeonie
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Thanks Leonie for such a great reply!! My husband didn't know how to handle it when I was sick and he seemed so angry ll the time. I tried to confront him about it on several occasions but he wouldn't talk about it. It all got so bad that I had to leave home for a few nights during treatment. If you ask him now though, he will say he was very supportive!!
I think this all made me realise though that I have not been in love with him for quite some time. I have been with him since I was 17 and I have worked on myself so much in the last few years, and he has just stayed the same. I feel like I grew so much as a person through my ordeal and he didn't!! So I have some difficult decisions to make.
You talked about the shallow people - I think part of my 'personality change' is that I don't see the need to waste time with crap from these sort of people. I don't mean that i am rude to them, I am just a bit more outspoken now. I used to be so shy, but now I think why bother not saying what i think!!
I would love to hear from other people going through similar issues.
Take care,
Mel xx
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Thank you for replying Mich and sharing your ideas. I have a lot of big decisions coming up I think and here I was thinking I had been through all the tough stuff!! Good luck with your recovery too.
Mel xx
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Hi Mel
I can so relate to growing apart and in different directions from your husband. The same thing happened for me after 13 years of marraige, we just grew apart and out of love. We made two beautiful children together which unfortunately has brought me and my ex back together on occasions and I look at him now and go what on earth did I ever see in him.
It is funny how we change. My decision didn't have anything to do with any BC diagnosis for me it was just growing up I think. All I can tell is it was very very tough and he made my life hell when I decided to leave but I haven't looked back.
I agree you have some tough decisions to make and to be honest I wouldn't want to go back down that path again now, one I am too old :-) and two it took so much out of me and aged me considerably. It tore my kids apart (broke their hearts) and my family, who had always thought he was a great dad, husband and provider BUT they didn't live with him and they certainly didn't see the other side of the man I had to live with. I have no regrets now but it was very very hard what me and my children went through.
Have you tried to talk with hubby about how you are feeling?
I wish you the very best with what you are dealing with and hoping whatever you decide will make you happy as life is too short for us not to be happy.
LOL,
Mich xoxo
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THank you so much for such a wonderful answer!! You should be a counsellor! When I was going through such a tough time with my husband last year, I decided one day to come on here and write everything I was thinking and feeling. It was not something I would have normally done but I felt so much better afterwards, and the responses were fantastic! I was reading through my blog today and it brought it all back to me - I had blocked it all out I think!!
I am looking for a new start in life and I am excited about that - but I know it is going to be very difficult to get there!
Thanks again,
Mel
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