If Only They Knew .....
I think most of us can resonate with many of these statements ....
I believe it to be mainly aimed at well meaning friends & relatives ....
Remember, if you are feeling down and/or vulnerable .....
Ring the Helpline on: 1800 500 258 for a reassuring chat xx
If You Only Knew
If you only knew what it feels like receiving the call and hearing “I’m sorry you have cancer.”
If you only knew how slowly time seems to pass after getting your diagnosis.
If you only knew how much we go through (scans, biopsies, needles in our boob, etc) even before treatment starts.
If you only knew the after effects of surgery.
If you only knew how it feels to lose a piece your body.
If you only knew how much it stings hearing the words “At least you get a free boob job.”
(It’s not a free boob job, it’s my life.)
If you only knew the deep, dark thoughts that consume my mind now & then.
If you only knew all the things I’m not telling you.
If you only knew how much I blame myself, even though it’s not my fault.
If you only knew how it feels hearing the words “you’re too young to get breast cancer.”
(Cancer doesn’t discriminate.)
If you only knew what it feels like going through radiation alone.
If you only knew how scary it is knowing all the things that helped save your life, can also take your life.
If you only knew the awkwardness from others when they find out about your diagnosis.
If you only knew how much you have to fight and advocate for your health, because your doctors aren’t always up with it.
If you only knew how it feels hearing the stories and being compared to your mom, aunt, sister, grandma and friend who had cancer.
If you only knew how it makes you feel when others say “well at least you got the good breast cancer.”
(There is no good cancer.)
If you only knew the feeling of constantly having to rely on others.
If you only knew how it feels to lose your dignity.
If you only knew how much you feel like you are putting too much on your spouse.
If you only knew any of these things, would you really want to be you anymore?
By Crystal Steele
Comments
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While I think many have had at least some of these thoughts, it’s a pretty gloomy piece. Many of us, maybe most of us, do really want to be ourselves and many, more each year, as treatments improve, don’t suddenly or even slowly morph into somebody else! At least some of us have managed through without losing our dignity (hanging on to a sense of humour, however black, helps!) and some have retained a high degree of normality. I don’t know what being paralysed feels like, or losing a limb, I’d prefer not to know, just as I’d prefer no-one else to know what cancer (any type) is. Ignorance isn’t bliss but I really don’t want to share the experience. Cancer will always have an impact but if you are lucky, its impact may not define you or your life, other than to make you all the more aware of how precious a life is.4
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Well, apart from the last line, because I do want to be me, however I can do without some of the legacies and after effects of breast cancer, like the legacy of breast cancer treatment induced heart disease.Life is precious, but so is still being able to continue doing the activities that bought joy and meaning to life, that were able to be undertaken easily prior to breast cancer. I know that I would like to live a life without the legacy of continual chronic pain.As an extremely private person, who does not relish reliving my medical history to all and sundry doctors, most of whom are now young enough to be my grandsons or granddaughters, because in most cases, a reading of my notes has not been undertaken, my dignity is of utmost importance to me. It is how I hold my head high and go about living in a small town where dignity and privacy is lipservice only.We read about new research on cancer treatments and medications and have such high hopes, and then the clincher that rocks our little world - such treatments or drugs are in the future of five to ten years or more down the track, if at all.Crystal Steele's "If Only" is experienced by most cancer people and need to be acknowledged in society. There is no point in burying one's head in the sand and being a "Pollyanna".3
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The personal experiences of others are utterly valid. Lymphoedema, peripheral
neuropathy and an arrhythmia notwithstanding, I consider myself one of the lucky ones. I can and do live normally. Others have a different experience. I simply want others to know that there are a range of outcomes, and while I entirely agree that many developments will take time to
be general practice, the fact that these developments are happening at all seems worth celebrating.
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Easy to say that there is a range of outcomes until you get the worst news like metastatic breast cancer then all of the if only words resonate more. I agree there is much to be positive about and daily gratitude is critical to feeling happy.5
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As @arpie said, "If Only" is mainly aimed at family at friends. The reason we are on this forum is because others here 'get it'. Maybe everything in "if Only' doesn't reasonate with us, but much of it certainly explains why we are on the forum. Thank you all for the love and support you have given me.5
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I found the piece resonated with me.
Everyone will not have the save feelings and reactions but there is a lot of commonality in the feelings and experiences we have and this forum is a place we can all come and share feelings, tips, stories and advice knowing the people in here “ get it” in a way those who have never had this diagnosis can.
Thank you @arpie and all those who post on here with their support etc.
🌺4 -
Yes, all of that ...arpie said:I think most of us can resonate with many of these statements ....
I believe it to be mainly aimed at well meaning friends & relatives ....
Remember, if you are feeling down and/or vulnerable .....
Ring the Helpline on: 1800 500 258 for a reassuring chat xx
If You Only Knew
If you only knew what it feels like receiving the call and hearing “I’m sorry you have cancer.”
If you only knew how slowly time seems to pass after getting your diagnosis.
If you only knew how much we go through (scans, biopsies, needles in our boob, etc) even before treatment starts.
If you only knew the after effects of surgery.
If you only knew how it feels to lose a piece your body.
If you only knew how much it stings hearing the words “At least you get a free boob job.”
(It’s not a free boob job, it’s my life.)
If you only knew the deep, dark thoughts that consume my mind now & then.
If you only knew all the things I’m not telling you.
If you only knew how much I blame myself, even though it’s not my fault.
If you only knew how it feels hearing the words “you’re too young to get breast cancer.”
(Cancer doesn’t discriminate.)
If you only knew what it feels like going through radiation alone.
If you only knew how scary it is knowing all the things that helped save your life, can also take your life.
If you only knew the awkwardness from others when they find out about your diagnosis.
If you only knew how much you have to fight and advocate for your health, because your doctors aren’t always up with it.
If you only knew how it feels hearing the stories and being compared to your mom, aunt, sister, grandma and friend who had cancer.
If you only knew how it makes you feel when others say “well at least you got the good breast cancer.”
(There is no good cancer.)
If you only knew the feeling of constantly having to rely on others.
If you only knew how it feels to lose your dignity.
If you only knew how much you feel like you are putting too much on your spouse.
If you only knew any of these things, would you really want to be you anymore?
By Crystal Steele
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@Mecaza - So sorry to see you join our 'exclusive' club - whack up any questions you may have & we'll do our best to answer them, as we've 'been there' .... xx
Feel free to tell us your story in a separate post in 'Newly Diagnosed'. I hope you are going well xx
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