Today's Thoughts

Cora

Today had my maectomy. I'm so glad this part is over. Didn't pack till 4am this morning. I'm glad. BuT, I have an unusual observation. When I was being prepped, my surgeon came in and held my hand. He held it for about 5 mins. I didn't know what to think, still don't.  Has anyone else experienced this? 

Afraser

My surgeon took both my hands in his as he gave me my (positive) biopsy results. It seemed then and still does an act of empathy. It’s up to you to determine what seems appropriate and what seems overly familiar - and, if the latter, tell him. But in an environment where sometimes people feel their medicos are a bit too clinical or lacking in understanding how much people are affected by their condition and/or treatment, I’d see it as a good intention rather than an imposition. Until you decide you don’t want it. 

iserbrown

Your surgeon sounds very caring!  Reassurance 

arpie

I agree - He sounds very caring.  I think he would have been aware of your concerns & was doing his best to put you at ease xx

Cora

Thankyou Ladies for your words of wisdom. I also had the anaesthetic check in on me tonight, to see hiw I was. All these gestures of kindness helps a lot. I feel good, not much pain, just waiting for my meds & hopefully tomorrow, a shower. Thanks again 

Fufan

I’ve had ten surgeries in the last three years, and have never seen an anaesthetist AFTER the event.  Sounds like you’re in caring hands.

FLClover

I was expecting my surgeon to come in during prep and hold my hand and reassure me. He didn’t even show up. I was desperately asking the nurses to find him. Finally the anaesthetist showed up and told me my surgeon was getting coffee and breakfast and I wouldn’t see him til after the surgery. I wanted to run away. As I was being wheeled into theatre by this anaesthetist I’d never met before, he called my surgeon so I could face time with him. I was in a vulnerable position, looking backwards on my prep bed in my hospital robe while being wheeled into theatre, trying to get reassurance from my surgeon from a phone screen. I’m still traumatised to this day and hate surgery even more than before.
 The next surgery I had after that was with my new and current surgeon. She met me while I was still in the waiting room and was with me the whole time before and after. She holds my hands or touches me in a reassuring way every time I see her, even for appointments. I can’t explain the difference. I feel so safe with her just by these gestures that seem so simple yet mean the world to me because she makes me feel so cared for. I love this about her. 

I’d say you have also have a very caring team who seem to understand how their patients feel and offer the reassurance they need. 

I’m glad your surgery went well and I’m hoping you get good results 🍀♥️. 

Cora

FLClover said:

I was expecting my surgeon to come in during prep and hold my hand and reassure me. He didn’t even show up. I was desperately asking the nurses to find him. Finally the anaesthetist showed up and told me my surgeon was getting coffee and breakfast and I wouldn’t see him til after the surgery. I wanted to run away. As I was being wheeled into theatre by this anaesthetist I’d never met before, he called my surgeon so I could face time with him. I was in a vulnerable position, looking backwards on my prep bed in my hospital robe while being wheeled into theatre, trying to get reassurance from my surgeon from a phone screen. I’m still traumatised to this day and hate surgery even more than before.
 The next surgery I had after that was with my new and current surgeon. She met me while I was still in the waiting room and was with me the whole time before and after. She holds my hands or touches me in a reassuring way every time I see her, even for appointments. I can’t explain the difference. I feel so safe with her just by these gestures that seem so simple yet mean the world to me because she makes me feel so cared for. I love this about her. 

I’d say you have also have a very caring team who seem to understand how their patients feel and offer the reassurance they need. 

I’m glad your surgery went well and I’m hoping you get good results 🍀♥️. 

Thank you, I didn't know about surgeons boundaries, but I gotta remember it was a comforting gesture & also the anaesthetic guy. Today will shower & see my partner. Thank you for your words.

FLClover

@Cora you’re welcome 🙂. You will feel so much better after a shower 😁. 

Btw, I’m wasn’t trying to invalidate your feelings. Only you know how certain gestures make you feel and what your boundaries are. People should respect that. I was only trying to point out what your surgeon’s intentions could’ve been, especially since a lot of surgeons seem to be coming off as non empathetic and patients are complaining about it, so some might be trying to be appear as more caring. Others probably are by nature more caring. At the end of the day, it’s about what you feel comfortable with. 

Enjoy your shower and time with your partner 🥰. 

Cora

  

Julez1958

Hi @Cora
I have had 3 big surgeries in my life - hysterectomy , mastectomy and DIEP flap reconstruction.
The hysterectomy was 15 years ago and both my surgeon and anaesthetist were not particularly empathetic although they were technically proficient.
The surgeons and anaesthetists for my breast surgeries were much more empathetic and I did get a visit in hospital from the aneasthatists after each of m breast surgeries.
I think it might be that more emphasis is on being empathetic in todays medical training, it could have been the luck of the draw , or it could be that surgeons doing breast cancer surgery realise what an emotional wreck it tends to make us.
Anyway , I hope you are healing well , the emotional scars take time to heal as well as the physical ones.
take care🌺

Jwrenn

My breast surgeon is the only doctor I’ve seen who calls me Jenny instead of Jennifer. I don’t remember telling him I preferred that or why he does it but I like him because of it. He comes across as very caring. And the anaesthetist was lovely too, we talked about my hobby and she told me about the theatre nurse decorating a cake to look like an operating theatre. I felt I was quite relaxed before my surgery.