Has anyone decided on a total life change ?

BlackWidow Member Posts: 268
I realise that to some this post may be quite stupid but ......  I will persevere ..... Since my BC diagnosis 4 years ago I have been unsettled.  The whole COVID thing has made things worse.  As my husband passed away just prior to my diagnosis and we have no family at all I feel really at a loss in the world.  I decided a total break from this cold Victorian town would be great but when I see a property and travel interstate for a viewing, with much difficulty, I am sorely disappointed.  I find the whole selling and buying scene to be so full of smoke and mirrors.  Has anyone else made the big change and how did you do it ?  I just want to get somewhere warmer than where I am and to make a new start.  Help !  Thank you.


  • TonyaM
    TonyaM Member Posts: 2,836
    Hi, I’m sorry for the loss of your husband.That would have been so hard to battle breast cancer without him.I can understand how you’d like a change. After my second bout of bc, I had abit of a brain snap. I went back to work after treatment had finished but I just didn’t feel the same. So I quit my job of 16yrs,sold my big house of 23yrs and downsized to a single level home with a smaller yard in the next suburb. We had a big clean out and took stock of our lives and our stuff!
    I think,in my mind,I was trying to streamline life for my husband incase I died.I was being practical,not morbid
    That was 11yrs ago and it worked out for the best.We retired,then travelled and enjoyed life. If you feel unsettled then it’s time to do some research. It would be hard to move away from good friends though- lots to consider.
  • KarynJ
    KarynJ Member Posts: 193
    Hi @BlackWidow. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I can kind of understand the desire to make a big change. I was in a similar quandary many years ago but it wasn't practical at the time for me to do anything. 
    I don't know if your finances allow but could you rent somewhere for 6 months? Maybe get a feel for a new town before taking a huge leap?
    You could also then consider putting your current possessions into storage and renting out your house while you're away to get some income? 
    It might be complicated but it leaves a door open if you want to return.
    If you love the new place then you can take steps to make the move permanent. 
    Another option might be to do house-sitting. I don't know how it works but I assume there are websites and organisations you could register with? Maybe something to explore?
  • Julez1958
    Julez1958 Member Posts: 1,123
    Oh @BlackWidow that would have been so hard to do the BC shitfest without your husband.Going through two  sets of grief at the same time - but sometimes we surprise ourselves with our resilience.
    My mum ( still going strong at 88) also calls herself the Black Widow as she has survived the death of two husbands.
    Anyway , I think a breast cancer diagnosis leads to many of us re assessing our lives as after all we have stared mortality  in the face.
    I didn’t go so far as moving house , but I did decide to scale back on my work and learn to say “no” more often and be a little but selfish.
    Only thing I would say about moving yo a new place is that if you sell and buy that costs a lot in terms of stamp duty so renting for say 6 months might be safer.
    And don’t be worried about posting anything on here , no question is out of bounds and it’s a very supportive community.
    Take care🌺

  • BlackWidow
    BlackWidow Member Posts: 268
    Thankyou ladies.  I am terrified of renting my home out as  hear so many stories of damage that can be done and then I would never want to return to the place.  I am equally terrified of renting somewhere as what would I do if the owner decided to sell or not continue the lease.  Too many uncertainties for this oldie.  I am not as brave as I used to be.  Thankyou for the suggestion of house-sitting, I will ask around about that.  Anne
  • MicheleR
    MicheleR Member Posts: 343
    I keep hearing how hard it is to find rentals so Id be wary of that. 

    If you can afford it why not take a holiday maybe in a caravan park to see if the area has appeal, then regardless if you find something youve had a change of scene and sense of accomplishment. 

     im feeling some unsettledness. Not the kind that would make me move but more I want to do stuff and not waste time. I might join a club or something. Im working less than full time,  exercise regularly. I feel bored at times mentally and not able to live as i should. Cant be bothered with housework. I just signed on to be part of a wellbeing (mental health) and cancer research thing, starts this week in evening. I think mentally im not relying on work for my identity. I spend a lot of time driving kids around. I get frustrated if not doing things. I think i want to feel more in control and live how i want but its not fully defined. 
  • cranky_granny
    cranky_granny Member Posts: 703
    the big move is hard. Like you i lost my husband to cancer the year before i was diagnosed. Sold the huge house and downsized now i am in the process of doing it all again. This time i am building an addition onto my daughters house. I found i couldn’t  keep up with the maintenance even though its a smaller place.
    Anyway. I wish we could try before you buy for more things. 
    This time I did a test run and it worked out well. Im doing the move now before it is absolutely necessary which will cone eventually. 
    Good luck with your decision on how to do the big change. 
    PS. I don’t regret the moving. Just the packing and unpacking. 
  • Keeping_positive1
    Keeping_positive1 Member Posts: 555
    edited June 2022
    @BlackWidow If you could find a suitable travel buddy you could perhaps tow a caravan and be your own version of "Thelma and Louise".  Could be fun to get away from the Melbourne/Victorian winters. :)