Emotionally abusive husband

AZ79 Member Posts: 8
edited April 2022 in Health and wellbeing
Has anyone had an angry, controlling, emotionally abusive husband while going through the BC journey? Is it possible, that living with him and enduring so much emotional hurt has contributed to my BC diagnosis? I believe emotions and trauma play a big part in illnesses, especially cancers. It might not be the sole reason, but it surely adds up.
I also have childhood trauma (alcoholic father), I don’t think I have fully resolved it in me and healed properly. And now a husband who can be so nice and fantastic one minute, and totally moody, angry and abusive the next, for no reason at all and he takes it out on me… it’s always been such a roller coaster. 
Anyway, sorry, maybe this is not the best platform for my problem, I should probably see a therapist. I’m in so much distress and he’s really not helping me heal. :(

As a side note - although I’m a citizen, I come from Europe originally and all my friends and family are still there. I can’t just pack up and leave. 


  • Cath62
    Cath62 Member Posts: 1,314
    edited April 2022
    @AZ79, I  feel for you. I understand your feelings on trauma contributing to illness. I do think that my breast cancer resulted from long term stress and trauma. I have done alot of emotional work as a result of my bc but I have a very supportive husband that I have been married to for 10yrs. 

    My first husband was abusive emotionally and I am so glad I left him with our son too. It's a long story of over 30 yrs ago but when I married that man I lost myself. I equated that marriage to drowning and when I left i thrived and built a great life for me and my son. Neither of us saw him ever again.

    I know you say you can't just pack up and leave but if abuse is making you sick or killing you then leaving is a better option i think.  There is so much support out there and if leaving is what want really then you should talk to someone about it. 

    Counselling is a really good idea  it would be good to have a counsellor who had worked with cancer patients and also abuse. 

    You might be interested in a couple of books: Gabot Mate When the body says no and also Patrea King Your life matters. Great reads with a few natural tips to help.  Best wishes 
  • wendy55
    wendy55 Member Posts: 774
    Hi @Cath62,
    I can related to all of the above,I have read both the books that you mention and have a 1 hour
    monthly telephone appointment with my pyschologist, all of this is long in the past now, however I do have the same thoughts as @AZ79, that stress and trauma over a very long period of time can have a contributing factor to bc diagnosis,I have been with my pyschologist for over 20 years now and through her have learned very valuable lessons in how to deal with everything life has thrown at me, I am in a reasonably good place at the moment and have a fantastic supportive partner.

  • Cath62
    Cath62 Member Posts: 1,314
    Sounds like you have a great hubby now and in a better place @wendy55. I think those books were fantastic and really helped me heal.
  • CRM
    CRM Member Posts: 92
    Safe Steps is a really great organisation who can offer you advice and support - https://www.safesteps.org.au 
    They are a Victorian organisation.  If you live in a different state they might be able to put you in touch someone local. 
  • June1952
    June1952 Member Posts: 1,866
    @CRM - that is an excellent resource.  Thank you for sharing the link.
    @AZ79 - worth reading the safety info on the site as it will get your thoughts in the right place.  Make contact with them for more advice and assistance.
    All the best,  thinking of you.  💖
  • Zoffiel
    Zoffiel Member Posts: 3,373
    It breaks my heart to read that @AZ79
    I do understand that you can't just leave. But I hope one day that you will. 

    Life is short and precious. There are many hurdles in the way. Living with someone who regularly harms you--mentally physically or financially--- is one of the most destructive situations we can ever find ourselves in. The combination of fear, guilt and uncertainty is soul destroying.

    A cancer diagnosis is a catastrophe for most people. If it comes on top of personal misery think you do need help to deal with it. Best of luck. Follow your heart. Mxx