How to answer! Am I in remission?

This gets asked a lot. My own understanding (may be wrong) is that when cancer is still detectable but is no longer developing and may be shrinking/reducing, it’s in remission. When cancer cannot be detected, it’s NED (no evidence of disease). 

And yes, people do ask. Mainly they mean well, hoping that the answer is that the cancer is going or gone! But it can be a bit unnerving. 

I mainly get asked “ is everything ok now” and I say “ yes”.
Sometimes people say “ you are looking well” and I say “ yes I am feeling well”.
Everyone close to me knows the details of my treatment which is finished apart from the Letrazole.
Humans are naturally curious and usually mean well.
Before I had cancer I didn’t know much about it and I think that is still true of many people.

I have been asked if I am ok alot. I simply say yes I am ok. People tell me I look great but I don't always feel great. I just think I am best just to not elaborate because while people mean well they really only want to hear everything is fine.

If they ask me that specifically. ... I will say  'Hopefully!' .. so they know it is not necessarily 'over' yet, as many assume you are automatically cured from the end of active treatment!

If they ask how I am, I'll say FINE and usually I am! 

One of my least fav invasions. Just behind the perennial 'What's your prognosis?'

I don't think those who ask realise what a deeply personal and confronting question that is. Yes, most folk are just trying to engage with you or show they know the terminology. Some are purely curious (which I find ghoulish)

'None of your business' for strangers if I'm having a bad day or if I decide they are looking for gossip. I simply change the subject if I'm feeling more benevolent. 

'That's a private matter' can shut down anyone who is not part of your inner circle. Those folk already know.

I'm tired of being nice because it makes other people feel better. If they want to make someone who has had a cancer diagnosis feel better, they won't ask questions like that.

I understand it is not our 'job' to educate the gormless. But after all these years of personal uncertainty, I'm done.

I agree with many of the responses here.  Those that ask are you in remission or what is your prognosis really do mean well.  One time I was asked what is my prognosis, so I just answered my plan is to live!   This was a neighbour and she can see I am still alive and kicking for the time being, as is she, whether cancer or not!  

Thank you to all that responded to this thread, and next time I should be more prepared to that question... are you in remission?  Next time I will just say there is NED (no evidence of disease).  :)

Hi to all of those who have responded to this,the worst question I was asked was by a business person, and he asked"How long do you have" I responded by terminating the conversation, sorry about the choice of word there!!! Even my own oncologist wont give me a prognosis,and I dont want one, how long is a piece of string!!

wendy55

@wendy55

I’d have been tempted to throw the question back to your rude interlocutor! Very few humans know how long they’ve got. In their hurry to sound knowledgeable, some betray their own assumptions. 

Hi @Afraser,
I was so taken aback I did not know what to say, this person worked for an Insurance Company{Workcover} from an incident that happened many years ago,but I had my diagnosis of metastatic breast cancer,after telling my pyschologist,I made a formal complaint to the company and he was sent on a "course" on how to deal appropriately with a situation like this,should it ever happen to him again!!! fortunately I am a strong person and let it just wash over me, on someone not as strong it could have had a different impact,says a lot for the training he had received on how to deal with clients.and the company that he worked for.

wendy55