All Alone
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ayrhaven
Member Posts: 17 ✭
I have just been diagnosed with Breast Cancer, my husband has had a stroke, trying to run a farm, family in Melbourne, cannot see anybody, surgery next week, I feel I am falling apart. I feel all alone with nobody to talk too or help me.
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@ayrhaven You have come to the right place. The people on here are so supportive. Ask questions, rant when you need to, yell when you need help. BCNA have a helpline seven days a week where you can voice all your fears and find out whatsupport is available for you. @Giovanna_BCNA will no doubt be on here to give you all the details. BC is so hard even with support so my heart goes out to you. Sending a big hug to you.1
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Hi
This link will give you details of the BCNA helpline over Easter
https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/22258/friday-update-10-april-2020#latest
This link may help you understand your diagnosis
https://www.bcna.org.au/understanding-breast-cancer/what-is-breast-cancer/types-of-breast-cancer/
Deep breaths
Take care1 -
So sorry to hear your news, @ayrhaven - do you have family or friends nearby to look after your husband as you recover from the surgery Re the farm - do you have animals that need caring/milking etc? I hope locals will pitch in & help you! You may be somewhat impaired for a little while after your surgery, depending on the extent of what you are having done.
You say you have family in Melbourne - are you also in/near Melbourne? We may have members nearby who may be able to put you onto local 'help groups'? If you add your town/state to your profile, others will be able to spot that & help as well.
Once you have had your surgery, I am hoping you will feel MUCH better - I know I did. Then it is just a matter of waiting for the pathology & chatting with your team re ongoing treatment. Fingers crossed your surgery goes without a hitch.
In the mean time, take comfort from others here, who have gone before you & know how you are feeling. My own husband has dementia & it is a balancing act with him, too. My surgery was just over 2 years ago - all going good now. xx
As @iserbrown says - DEEP BREATHS ..... you can do this.
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I live in Casterton Victoria, I am able to put my husband in care for at least 2 weeks (covid-19 does not help) Luckily we have just finished calving so I do have some down time. I have somebody to help feed out etc. I am just so scared being about 4 1/2 hours away. I do have a couple of nurse friends which before all of the goings on we would catch up and have a cuppa (that cannot happen now) My husbands mum and dad are in their 80's I have not told them because I think they would tell me it is time to give up the farm. My husband would then want to go into full time care and I would definately be alone. The waiting game is the hardest even though I have not had to wait long. Looks like I will be doing a lot of craft work.1
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I am not familiar with the area - but hopefully our other Vic members will.
Wonderful that you already have some help with feeding etc. You really need to concentrate on yourself just now - that is NOT being selfish. Yes, I can understand you keeping it from your husband's Mum & Dad. Just try to share the load tho - do you (or your husband) have brothers or sisters that could help (I am assuming that you don't have children tha may be of assistance?) Pull in any favours that you may be owed ..... any weight off YOUR shoulders, will help in the long run. xx
The waiting game always sucks - the 'not knowing' is the pits. We've all been there, sadly.
Yep - keep yourself busy - doing what you love! xx We've got another 6 months of this lock down, I reckon!
Take care, stay safe xx0 -
This is a tough time for you. Can you contact your nurse friends to advise what assistance you can get? You and your husband are in need of medical attention so exemptions even in this level of lockdown do apply. No need to tell your husband’s parents at this stage - they may not be in any position to help and unwanted advice isn’t useful at this stage, however well intentioned. I am sure the BCNA helpline will be able to give you support. Hang in there. Best wishes.
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I’m so sorry to hear your news. One thing to add right now, you are definitely NOT alone here, there is a group of wonderfully wise women who are amazing! You can talk here about anything you want to ask or express at any time. Take comfort in being a member of this group. It will always be here for you. You can get through this. Lots of love Tinks xx3
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Hi @ayrhaven
Isn't it the mother of all clusterf***s to be diagnosed now? The timing is terrible, but then again it always is.
Breast cancer does change our lives, but I've yet to be convinced it changes us. Physically, maybe, but our core stays essentially the same. A little battered bruised, squeezed and twisted, but you can't destroy matter and I believe in the end you get pretty much what you started out with.
You sound like a sensible, resilient woman. You are already shuffling through options, measuring the pros and cons. The ability to do that already puts you ahead.
Yes, you may be lonely now, but I'm betting you've spent a lot of time in your own company. Rural folk do. Take it one day at a time. Don't tell anyone who doesn't need to be told right now, as you say, someone pressuring you now is not helpful. Play your own game and do what you do best. Good luck. Mxx3 -
This time that you're going through is probably one of the hardest. Getting that diagnosis just sends you reeling. As @zoffiel says, you sound like you're a strong woman who knows how to get organised but you were dealing with so much even before this news landed on you and it's hard news to cope with. It should start to get better once you are on the treatment train.
However you choose to manage this time is okay - you can curl into a ball and shut out the world as much as possible, or you can tell everyone you know what's going on. When it was my time, I chose a middle ground - I told very few people but they included a couple of really close friends who then told the rest of the friendship groups with strict instructions that I didn't want people contacting me.
It's hard to be alone when you're needing a shoulder to lean on and I guess that you're missing your husband's presence there. Please remember that you are important too.
With regard to the farm, find out from your surgeon exactly what you will be able to do as treatment commences.2 -
It is overwhelming and comforting to know people really do care and talking about my life to some people does help me. Over the past 3 1/2 years I have been tested in many ways. When I had my 4x4 bike accident 3 plus years ago, I suffered 10 cracked (nearly half of what we have in our body) and a fractured eye socket which is still being repaired, that's when my outlook on life changed. What I don't do today, I do tomorrow, it's not going away until you do it. When my husband had his stroke that also changed our lives. I became full time carer. I know I will get through this but it is hard to take in when your husband can't be with you. He is a private person and at the moment all he is saying to me is, You'll be right. My husband
was the one with the farming background, so my learning skills have really been tested, he paid all the bills, and made the big decisions. Thankfully with friends and neighbors in Casterton I have got through it. I chose not to tell his mum and dad because they are likely to tell me to sell and the more people tell me to sell the more determined I am going to prove to them a women can run just under 3,200 acres and be full time carer. This is just a hiccup in our already complicated life.
At the moment I am crying every night, I am very much a thinker and all that I am worried about at the moment is what will happen to my husband and me. Knowing people like me have and are going through this is comforting. I am not alone even if it does feel like it Thankyou As the saying is I AM STRONG, I AM INVINCIBLE AND I AM A WOMEN6 -
Hi @ayrhaven,
So sorry for your diagnosis and challenging home situation, plus Covid 19 to complicate everything! Excellent advice from others above. I'd just like to add that your tears and anxiety are absolutely normal - the unknown and waiting is the worst. Even though I do still have sad moments sometimes, my fearful imaginings were unfounded and the reality of my BC active treatment was that I was very well cared, and I'm sure you will be too. Best wishes.x1 -
Hi All, Even though I am pretty low at the moment and worried about my surgery on Wednesday, I would like to wish everybody a Happy Easter. It is very hard not being able to be with family at this time but if we can get through BC we can get through COVID-19.3
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https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/19190/navigating-the-online-community#latest
This is for you @ayrhaven to work the network and understand how to add pictures
Best wishes for your upcoming surgery
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