What to do..

Joarden

Found out 2 days ago, still in shock!! Different terms, one says invasive ductal carcinoma, one says malignant lesion?? 4 " spots" in right breast, 2 " spots" under arm( lymph nodes)...do we tell family and friends or keep it to.ourselves.. Don't think we could cope with the questions, and their feelings, if that makes sense?? Anybody new to this?? Petrified, as our son is 12 next month, will do whatever they ask, to be there for him..What other symptoms do I look for till I see surgeon next week?? BEST of luck to everyone!

strongtogether

I would say.... don't look for other symptoms. Gather some of your close family members and tell them what you know. Any support you get will not go astray. It may be a tough couple of years, but dont lose hope.

Joarden

Thank you.. Really appreciate your kindness..

iserbrown

I am doing a copy and paste from another post that is similar to your queries and yes you will have lots of questions 



couple of links from the BCNA website to help you through 

https://www.bcna.org.au/understanding-breast-cancer/talking-to-family-and-friends/

https://www.bcna.org.au/understanding-breast-cancer/what-is-breast-cancer/

The one above has a link for pathology to give you depth of understanding 


Yes easier said than done, deep breaths. Keep away from Dr Google

Take care 

Michele B

Hi, so sorry to hear of your diagnosis. Those early days are so overwhelming, and I totally understand the anxiety around stressing your family, I felt the same.
From my experience though, once they also get over the initial shock, having their love and support will help you get through the mext months.
Once you have your surgery and have a treatment plan in place, ypu will begin to feel a little more in control.
At the beginning, I was terrified but with the love of my family and a fantastic medical team, I am now 5 years out from diagnosis and doing well.
Take one day at a time, feel the love and support of your family and come to this forum when you feel alone. The other ladies on here are amazing and will give you as much support as they can.
Best wishes 
Michele xx

Joarden

Thank you so much!! Shock is an understatement!! Just knowing lovely ladies here understand , and hearing they are doing well, gives me hope..Not close with family, but still don't want to cause them stress
, its really only my husband and son (12) won't tell mum she is almost 90, and won't cope.. Thank you again, take care.xx

shs14

I kept it pretty quiet until I knew more. People want to have updates and that can be hard when you are waiting for them yourself. As people have said this is definitely one of the hardest points of the whole 'journey'. Waiting to find out your full diagnosis and treatment. It will get better once you have all the info and a treatment plan, it really will!
Good luck with it all. We are here for you if you need to talk. xxx

Joarden

Thank you for the lovely words..my biggest fear is being a real mum to our son..Hopefully its something they can " fix", but the waiting is really hard!! Feel better being here, people who have travelled this journey, or just starting it are the best support.. Hope things are going well for you.xxx

Brenda5

With lymph nodes involved they may, rather than instant surgery go for the chemo treatment first which will give you symptoms similar to the flu. Close family and friends who will be visiting you will need to be aware of infection risks. Its not you to them, its them to you as your immunity will be lowered.
For the young kids, tell them about it but also instill that this is a bit of a trial and an illness you are fully going to beat! It wouldn't hurt to make their school teachers aware as well so perhaps your son has someone to confide in there if needed.
It is very frightening at first but knowledge is power so read all the bnca links and get a bit of a handle on it. We are all here for you with no judgement, only support. Hugz

Nefertari

@Joarden, I am so sorry that you have found yourself here.

The diagnosis and the first few days until you get your treatment plan are very hard, no doubt your head is spinning with all this new information. It must be even harder with a 12 year old. 

Apart from hubby who was with me for the diagnosis, I didn't tell anyone at first.  I was so confused with the overload of information and all the new lingo.  I wanted to have all the tests and know more before I had to field questions that I could not answer.

I was initially told there were 3 areas of concern in the right breast, one was a large palpable lump and that was "most likely" cancer.  The other two were "suspicious" and I would need three biopsy's to confirm if they were cancer.

That first day, I was told I would need chemo, masectomy and radiation.

I was in a total state of shock, I kind of knew it was cancer before I went but I was definitely not expecting three spots.  

After the biopsys and scans, only one came back as DC and they said it was aggressive, that word stuck in my head.  
I did have one node in the IMC that was involved so I will need CT scans every 6 months for 2 years. I just passed my one year anniversary since diagnosis and that node is looking normal, no sign of the cancer. 

You will know more after you see the surgeon.  My thoughts are with you and your family xx

Joarden

Thank you, its quite a nervous time till I know more..I have IDC, ( malignant) on right breast and lymph nodes too..:-((..my biggest fear is its spread elsewhere.. You certainly have been through a horrible time, I hope its only good news ahead..take care.xxx

kezmusc

@Joarden,

Truly sux to be here but welcome lovely. 
 There is no one who can understand what you are feeling unless they have been there themselves.  The beginning is such an overwhelming shock.
If you don't want to tell anyone don't.  You will be bombarded with questions you have no answers to yet. It may be easier after the surgical apt and you have a plan of attack.

Waiting for the staging scans are horrific.  I made my husband ring and get the results as I just couldn't do it.
 Your brain will absolutely conjure up every worst case it can think of and you will Dr Google far too much.  We are all guilty of it,
Some of the others will jump on with advice on how to deal with younger children through this. Mine were all 17-21 so while still difficult, they understood more I guess.
I found mine in the nodes first (there were 5 with nasties) so surgery, chemo, rads, hormone therapy.

It's easy to get swept along in this shit fight.  If you don't understand something make sure you keep asking until you do.  
Do have a breast care nurse allocated yet?

Try to keep breathing lovely.  We get it.  

xoxoxoxo

Karenhappyquilter

Sorry you have cancer.  It’s not what anyone wants.

 One of the most helpful things some one told me is that for many people now, cancer is a treatable illness. 

Everyone is different but we told everyone we knew.  It’s surprising how some people who I thought were very good friends did not provide much support but others, unexpectedly, gave me support.  But no one can give you support if they don’t know you need it. 

Best wishes.  Many of us find with having cancer, it turns out we are much stronger than we realised.  

Sister

Everyone has given you good info.  My suggestion about telling others when you're ready is to tell a couple of key people who are close to you (or let your husband do it), ask them to spread the news but that you don't want people contacting you.  Then just keep those friends spread the updates.  If that's still the way you feel, of course.  I did it that way and people respected my wishes.  Then I started a blog and sent out the address.  I found it much easier that way.

Try not to get too far ahead of everything (and stay away from Dr Google).  This is probably going to be one of the hardest times of the next few months - somehow, when you have a definite treatment plan and you know what is likely to happen, things calm down a bit.

Beryl C.

'Yes!' to Sister's advice STAY AWAY FROM DR GOOGLE! I also found that things calmed down once I had a treatment plan. A blog to keep friends and family informed is also a great idea. Phone calls can be very intrusive and the very fact of a call can be unsettling even if the motivation is from love and care.

Afraser

All good advice from everyone. On the elderly mother front, my mother was 87 and in a nursing home when I was diagnosed.  I probably wouldn’t have told her either but my treatment included chemo and losing my hair. My mother was physically frail but her mind was perfectly sharp and I knew she would twig. I talked with the staff and they encouraged me to tell her, given I was looking and sounding fine, and let her be a part of it. You know your mother best but mine had a new lease of life, to support me in whatever way she could, to get well. Best wishes.