rained on the party!
Today was a strange day - my emotions were as volatile as the weather. I had been feeling strong of mind and body, so what changed?
I spoke at length with one of my doctors about the surgery I have received so far and, as always, he encouraged me to take charge of my health and gave my morale a boost. I was feeling happy that I had breezed through surgery and that I was recovering so well from the axillary clearance. I admitted that none of it had been as difficult as I anticipated. And that has made me start to believe that chemotherapy might not be as tough as I'm expecting? Just maybe....
I took the boys and Maeve to a party after school. It was a party at the school. The school turned 40 years old! The boys had a great time. I didn't. I felt lonely and isolated. I spent most of the time trying not to make eye contact with any of the mum's that I know, because I didn't want to explain or talk about my breast cancer. I know I don't have to talk about it to them, but at the same time is it weird to ignore it? I don't know. I just hung around feeling like I was on the outside because none of them have breast cancer and none of them know, firsthand, what it feels like to have it.
The rain started bucketing down, and the kids and I stood in line in the rain waiting to get fairy floss. They were laughing and jumping up and down in the puddles. They were having so much fun it was infectious. We got our fairy floss and ran, screaming and laughing, to the car. We were soaked to the bone but it was exhilarating! Home for a warm bath and dinner. It was a good note to finish on.
Comments
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Hi Sandra,
I too felt that today was a strange day. It's awful you felt lonely and isolated - but I can totally understand. But you know what, everybody has something they're dealing with - be it a medical situation, financial, psychological etc. - every one has problems. You just don't know about them. If you want to share your story with others, do. If you don't, just get on here and you can talk as much as you want and get feedback from women who are in the same situation. If they're close friends, personally, I would tell them. Your close friends are an amazing source of support at a time like this.
There's so much support on this website too. As for chemo, don't work yourself up over it. Yes it's horrible to go through, but you will get through it - just make sure you take the anti nausea meds and you should be fine. They say everyone can react differently - but chemo has come so far and there's so much available now to deal with the side effects.
Another thing I've learned is that people react differently when you tell them you have breast cancer. Most are extremely supportive - but don't be surprised if you find the odd one or two who sort of back away. It's not because they want to - they just don't know how to deal with it.
It's the fun times like today when the rain started bucketing down, you were able to forget about the BC and enjoy running in the rain with the fairy floss! Its sounds like you all had fun - and definitely a good note to finish on.
I wish you well in the next step of this journey.
Take care
xoxo
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Thanks so much for taking time to reply Nicole. I have told my close friends about the breast cancer, and most of them have been wonderful and supportive. I find it is the people who are in the periphery that I feel especially estranged from. How do you casually mention the reason that all your hair has fallen out is because you're doing chemo? I know they will feel uncomfotable asking questions and with me being a fairly private and reserved person, just blurting it out doesn't feel right either. I guess I will have to 'play it be ear', so to speak? Reveal what I feel comfortable with and keep close what I don't? And you are absolutely spot on re everyone is dealing with some kind of issue in their life.... I shouldn't be so quick to assume everything for them is 'great'. I think it's just that every emotion has been heightened since this breast cancer diagnosis....
I will be sure to use the forums and be sure to learn and get advice from other women on here. I was only diagnosed a month ago, so this whole experience is so new to me. I am sure it will get better with time...
xxoo
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Hi Sandra
Great advice from Nicole, exactly what I would say.
This is such an emotional roller coaster we are on and there are many down times as well as extremely happy ones. Go with the flow. Cherish those beautiful children and dance in the rain more often.
Take care
Ann-Marie x0 -
Hi Sandra
Great advice from Nicole, exactly what I would say.
This is such an emotional roller coaster we are on and there are many down times as well as extremely happy ones. Go with the flow. Cherish those beautiful children and dance in the rain more often.
Take care
Ann-Marie x0 -
Hi Sandra
Great advice from Nicole, exactly what I would say.
This is such an emotional roller coaster we are on and there are many down times as well as extremely happy ones. Go with the flow. Cherish those beautiful children and dance in the rain more often.
Take care
Ann-Marie x0 -
yes, was definitely great advice from Nicole. I'll take it all on board :-)
I totally expect to feel down (breast cancer or no breast cancer!!) and expect to feel great. I know it's all part of the experience....
But today is a GREAT day. My beautiful youngest baby-girl turned 2 years old today. So it's time to get lost in the fun that her and her brothers are having. Yay!
Sandra
xxoo
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