still in shock

May20019 Member Posts: 28
edited June 2019 in Newly diagnosed
Five weeks ago I was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma in both sides. I have had surgery and have a oncology appointment next week. The pathology result down graded the cancer from 2 to 1 and lymph nodes were not affected. So some good news in a not so good situation. Everyone around me has been so supportive and positive. It is very hard to tell people the emotional devastation I am going through. In the scheme of things my situation is no were near as bad as some and I keep telling my self that I should be greatful for a good pathology result. But still the tears flow.


  • kezmusc
    kezmusc Member Posts: 1,544
    Hi @May20019,

    Welcome to the forum lovely.

    There is nothing that can prepare you for the shock and white hot fear of being told you have cancer.  Your head and emotions are all over the place at the beginning.  I think we all aknowledge the fact that "it could be worse" but that doesn't mean it's not a huge mortality check and scares the heck out of you.
    Nobody can quite understand how you feel like someone who has been in there.  The emotions that run from "I got this" to cloudy fog of despair and tears.

    We understand where you're at.

  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974
    Hi @May20019. I was white hot with anger for three weeks, and then I sobbed for a month. I'm not joking. I cried multiple times a day. Never in front of the kids, but at any other moment, especially in the shower. I could have won a gold medal for Australia for crying. Ihave a particular back story (read my bio) that provided some extenuating circumstances, but I was a sensible 51 year old woman who previously didn't cry much.

    My tears slowed down once chemo got underway, but let your tears flow. You are shocked, and grieving. However if you feel you're getting stuck in your grief, go and see a counsellor for a few sessions. It's good to talk things out.

    What you are feeling now will pass. It's just a pity that we have to go through it to come out the other side. Big, big hug, K xox
  • Belgrave14
    Belgrave14 Member Posts: 30
    The speed things often move at with breast cancer whilst reassuring in some ways (and necessary) leaves us reeling in shock. Five weeks ago your life was “normal”, you probably have barely had time to think, now your brain is catching up and it’s no wonder it’s protesting. Be kind to yourself, there is no such thing as an invalid feeling xx 
  • lrb_03
    lrb_03 Member Posts: 1,269
    I can't add to what has already been said, except to agree with it all.
    We all process this diagnosis differently, just like we all react to treatment differently. But I firmly believe that the grief hits us all in some way, at some point. For me, most reactions didn't come until all treatment was over. I started chemo 4&1/2 weeks after my diagnostic mammogram.  
    From the day of that mammogram I put one foot in front of the other to get through

    Do what works for you, let the tears flow. You've heard that 3 word phrase "you have cancer", or a variation of it. It's life changing.

    Take care
  • jennyss
    jennyss Member Posts: 1,983
    Dear @May20019

    from jennyss in Western NSW
  • strongtogether
    strongtogether Member Posts: 167
    I'm sorry that you have to be here. Welcome to the community. 
  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 7,754
    Yep - it is an emotional roller coaster - there will be ups & downs, so put up any questions re ongoing treatment - someone will surely have an answer or suggestion to help you thru it.

    All the best for your Oncology Appt next week - I see my Onc again on Monday!

    take care xx
  • Queendonut
    Queendonut Member Posts: 20
    Sending hugs and strength- you are still in the whirlwind of shock.  Seems obvious but one day at a time- and yes use this forum to gain support and answers for the things we are often too scared to ask in person.
  • CRM
    CRM Member Posts: 92
    I was diagnosed on Monday afternoon.  Surgery on Wednesday.  I honestly feel in shock that this is happening as I am only 32.  I recently moved in with my boyfriend and have started a new career and now I just feel like everything has come crashing down. 
  • Queendonut
    Queendonut Member Posts: 20
    Oh @CRM your world is crashing at the moment but one day at a time and the shock slowly wears off. Sending you positive thoughts for your days ahead. 
  • iserbrown
    iserbrown Member Posts: 5,582

    there's a group that you may benefit from given your age

    best wishes as you get your head around it. 
    Take care 
  • Sister
    Sister Member Posts: 4,960
    @CRM It is a shock.  The first weeks are so hard as you try to get your mind into a space that can cope.  I hope that you have some real-life support but do remember that we are here to help and provide information from our experiences.
  • youngdogmum
    youngdogmum Member Posts: 250
    @CRM it will feel like that for a while considering how quickly you've had surgery too; it will take a long time to process WTF just happened. Unfortunately it's not uncommon anymore for BC in your 30s, I'm 5 years your junior and personally know two others in their 20s diagnosed same time as me. Anger and frustration as to why it happened so early will always sit there but over time you learn to accept it.
    Hang in there for the next steps.