My BC Journey

Here is my story......

I found a lump and went to my GP, she said "wow that is big" (not real reassuring) and thought I should have a mammo and biopsy. As this can not be done in the town where I live, she referred me to Townsville. I am still at this stage thinking it is nothing to worry about, but should get it checked out anyway.

Rang Townsville to get an appointment and can't get in for four weeks and first appointment is 24th December. My husband is really worried and says that I shouldn't have to wait that long and will get it sorted. He is on the phone trying to get me an appoinment in Darwin of all places . I am saying to him settle down it is nothing but if it makes him feel better I will try and get an appoinment in Mackay and fly there. We used to live in Mackay and it'll be a good chance to catch up with some friends.

My husband insisted on coming with me, but at the last minute I convinced him that it really was nothing....I say look I am only 36, and healthy. And the lady at the breast clinic told me not to panic that 90% of lumps are nothing (I can't actually remember the correct %) . So I convinced Shane to stay at home with the kids 2 and 4 yrs and I would be back the next day.

So off I go on the Plane to Mackay, stay in a Motel overnight and then next morning head off for my mammogram, thinking to myself I will just get this out of the way and I will go and catch up with some friends and do a spot of Christmas shopping before heading back to catch the plane home. I was still confident that it was nothing. I knew that the lump was a good size, it was easy to feel and felt the size of a golf ball, but did not for one minute think that it was anything serious.

I had the mammo and then went for the biopsy. I was lying on the table chatting to the radiographer, talking about kids, she had kids the same age. Doc does the biopsy and I say to him "don;'t spose you can tell me what it is" fully expecting the stock standard reply "can't tell at this stage" or something like that, and he says to me " I am 99% sure it is cancer" !!!! I said to the nurse "did he just say Caner????? I am numb!!!!! and just want to go home and part of me thinks that this is a dream and I will wake up soon.

So I am in a strange city without my family and desperately wanting my husband. First things first, I ring the car rental company and tell them I am taking their car to Charters Towers (6 hours drive), don't care what it costs, bill me. Then ring to tell my husband that I have cancer and I am driving home. The rest is a blur, Shane is getting cranky with me, telling me not to drive (he is just worried that I am driving while I am upset) and all I want to do is to get far away from where I am all alone.

Well things happened pretty quickly once I got back. I remember waking up one morning and saying to my husband that I just had the worst dream and he says "sweety it is real" . My husband refused to accept the diagnosis until we got the path results and I guess a little part of me held out hope that there was a 1% chance that it wasn't. I was booked in for a mastecomy on 20th December and got out 24th. Just in time for Christmas....

I started chemo on 23rd January which has been the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life. I could not recieve chemo in Charters Towers so had to travel to Townsville once every three weeks, which is quite difficult with 2 young children. So on chemo day my sister travelled up from Townsville with her one year old to have my 2 kids whilst Shane drove me to Townville for chemo. I started chemo one week before my eldest son started Prep. I was determined to get him to school and was so sick and asked my onc for some meds to help me get there. I swear I was high as a kite on Brandons first day of school. Poor little darlin.

Anyway I have now finished chemo and still do not feel like someone that I recognise. My body feels like it is 200 years old. Don;t know if that is from the Arimidex or just a chemo hangover. Time will tell.

My husband, mother and sister and off course my beautiful priceless children have been my constant support and inspiration. Before BC I always used to say to my husband how blessed we were each and every day. Our life was and always had been near perfect and our romance a fairy tale and I often wish for that life back. I am hoping things will get better with time.

Update

Well it is now 2010 and life is good, no great, I love my life!!!!  I am counting the days until my next surgery where they will take my other breast off (prolactic) and give me a new set.  This is going to put part of my BC journey in the past.  I know part of me likes the scars as a reminder of that closeness that BC bought to my family and how it has changed my life for the better.  Yes, I hobble like an old woman and I sometimes have a foggy head but I stand tall and proud of where I am in my life and take everyday as a blessing.