Feeling Stressed
Shellshocked2018_
Member Posts: 283 ✭
Hi everyone, I haven’t posted for awhile have been going through treatment, not sure if I have posted this in the right category. Diagnosed with TNBC in October 2018.
Have finished my 4 treatments of A/C every fortnight, body hasn’t cooed with it very well, been in hospital twice with neutropenia and rhino virus.
Had a PICC line put in a month ago only to have it removed a few weeks after due to blood clots in my arm.
During one of my hospital stays a CT scan was arranged to check chest for infections etc, anyway they did find an enlarged Lymph node not far from the original surgery site.
Investigation on lymph node with an ultrasound and aspiration was performed.
Results came back advising me that the lymph node has cancer cells , some of which have already died from chemotherapy.
I’m just feeling quite defeated , devastated, the what if’s are going through my head again, back to crying, feel I’m not coping at all at the moment.
This has been such a shock as after surgery in December I was told that I had clear margins and no lymph node involvement. Chemotherapy and Radiotherapy just to mop up anything .
I had only two sentinel lymph nodes removed back in December .
Has anyone have this happen to them?
Moving forward the plan is to finish my 12 weeks of weekly Paclitaxel which commences next week 11/4, then in July I’m booked in for surgery for a full auxiliary clearance under my left arm, then Radiotherapy.
In one way I feel fortunate that this was found on a CT scan that wasn’t planned, as if it was left a lot longer things could have been very different.
Trying so hard to get those positive thoughts back again.
Have finished my 4 treatments of A/C every fortnight, body hasn’t cooed with it very well, been in hospital twice with neutropenia and rhino virus.
Had a PICC line put in a month ago only to have it removed a few weeks after due to blood clots in my arm.
During one of my hospital stays a CT scan was arranged to check chest for infections etc, anyway they did find an enlarged Lymph node not far from the original surgery site.
Investigation on lymph node with an ultrasound and aspiration was performed.
Results came back advising me that the lymph node has cancer cells , some of which have already died from chemotherapy.
I’m just feeling quite defeated , devastated, the what if’s are going through my head again, back to crying, feel I’m not coping at all at the moment.
This has been such a shock as after surgery in December I was told that I had clear margins and no lymph node involvement. Chemotherapy and Radiotherapy just to mop up anything .
I had only two sentinel lymph nodes removed back in December .
Has anyone have this happen to them?
Moving forward the plan is to finish my 12 weeks of weekly Paclitaxel which commences next week 11/4, then in July I’m booked in for surgery for a full auxiliary clearance under my left arm, then Radiotherapy.
In one way I feel fortunate that this was found on a CT scan that wasn’t planned, as if it was left a lot longer things could have been very different.
Trying so hard to get those positive thoughts back again.
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Comments
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I don't have the personal experience @Shellshocked2018_ but I can imagine what a blow this would have been to you. It's hard to look on the positive side when you've been knocked down but the good news is that it was discovered early and some of those cancer cells had already died. And you still have the taxol to go to target any strays in the other stage of development.
Best wishes.0 -
Hi @Shellshocked2018_
So sorry to hear your news. I guess if luck is a word involved anywhere in this whole thing, it is lucky the random CT was done. Doesn't make you feel any better at the moment I know. Just know that we are here with you lovely.
xoxoxoxo0 -
Hi lovely, just want to say I’m thinking of you during this time, it sounds like chemo hasn’t been kind to you ...
I live with this fear everyday...that despite the chemo as my surgical margin wasn’t super dooper so there’s some new mass forming.. all I can say is like the others I feel that scan was supposed to happen and it found it early.
Best wishes to you for the remainder of your treatment.0 -
Hi @Shellshocked2018 I keep writing things and then deleting them as sometimes my words don’t convey my meaning. I have been known to scream at the top of my lungs in order to relieve the turmoil inside. Works beautifully for me, not so much those within hearing distance. Look after yourself. Big hugs xxx1
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@Shellshocked2018_ Bugger. Just as you were probably seeing some light at the end of this shitty BC tunnel. YOU are right though about being fortunate they found it early through a random CT scan. Deep breath to regroup and you can do this and as kezmusc said we are here with you. You have been strong so far you can be strong again and just kick this disease in the butt. Do what you have to and just keep your eyes on the prize of a cancer free long and fulfilling life.
Big Hugs from me. xox2 -
What a shitty thing to have happen, I'm so sorry. K xox0
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It's all so bloody random, isn't it? Everything is fine, everything is not, all clear, oh hang on, what are these cells doing here, we can save your boob, cut them both off, rads, no rads, you won't need chemo, would you like a port or a PICC with your poisoning, just a sharp scratch...
Hang in there. I've said it before, but this stuff is just exhausting. Mxx5 -
Just when you have a finish line insight. ..it gets moved yet again.
It's a lot to take in and I'm sure your head would be in overdrive with the "what else did they miss" moment. All very normal to worry. The good news is...they found dead cancer cells which shows your cancer is responding to chemo. Yes. Just the news you do want. Just shows you how important chemo can be.
Be kind to you. Kath. X1 -
I have my own issues but I'm very concerned for a work colleague and I was wondering how to express it/think of it/help her, so I thought I'd just write. I work in a big school and one of the ladies who works everyday and has been there for years, just turned 50 and went to go get checked through Breastscreen. It came back as STage 4 and metastatic ; hips, spine, lymph nodes. Trouble is, this hardworking , dedicated mother of 2 adult girls, won't accept anything; saying doctors don't know anything/i'm fine/ i'll be ok just give me a bit of medicine etc.. She's started chemo but still seemingly unaffected. I don't work directly with her, but her closest people are worried about her. I guess she will do what she wants until she can';t. We want to help but can't. Any advice? Others0
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@Nett19 I know a woman who was diagnosed Stage 4 a few months before me. She certainly doesn't disregard medical advice and is undergoing treatment, but she prides herself on her positive attitude and views anything else, including support groups, as wallowing. That is her way of coping. Possibly your colleague is the same. And whether you and others are concerned, you just have to respect her choice but be ready to offer support or engage in conversation if she wants it.3
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Many people work through chemo - may seem unaffected but it's their own way of coping, just to keep everything as normal as possible. The best you can do is respect her choices, and act as she wishes.1
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Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts.
Im back into positive fight mode again, now I’m over the shock.
Just started weekly Paclitaxel for 12 weeks then booked in for more surgery for full auxiliary clearance mid July.
Once healed Radiotherapy.
Thank you everyone.1 -
Fight mode is good. If you go into flight mode that is okay too. Sometimes we need that and we are always here for you. xxx0
