Newbie
I was diagnosed with metaplastic carcinoma three weeks ago, and had a mastectomy of my left breast a week ago today.
I just turned 36 last month.
There is a strong genetic history of breast cancer in my family - even my mum had a double mastectomy when she was my age. About 7 years ago she had a full reconstruction (tissue transplanted from her abdo). My husband and I nursed her for nearly a year during her recovery. She's a very tough cookie – I have learnt from the best. I am a realist (which in the circumstances is a good thing) and know that I have to do whatever it takes to get past this.
I have been having annual checks at the Breast Clinic (mamograms, ultrasounds etc) since the birth of my son (who is now 3). I was clear in September 2010, and due for my next annual check this coming November when I noticed a visible change in my breast. I couldn’t feel any lumps. Unfortunately the cancer was intrusive and in a very short amount of time affected more than half of my breast, along with 9 lymph nodes out of 19. I am now 6th generation of cancer / mastectomy.
But it could have been worse.
I will shortly start chemo, herceptin and radiation - probably around 12 months of treatment. I am going to have a port-a-cath (?) put into my chest in a week or so, which I understand is a good option to take.
I'm scared, but I will take whatever is thrown at me. Think the worst, but hope for the best. I'm more scared of not surviving the cancer than of what I have to do to beat it. Actually, at the moment I am very scared of having the tape-like bandages taken off, I feel like I have been shrink-wrapped!
I am not sad for myself, or angry. I do however completely ache for my family and my husband, who will share this journey with me, warts and all, and for my darling son, who’s only understanding is that mummy has an ouchie and the doctor-man is going to fix her.
I ache for my husband and the unspoken fears he won’t admit to – they are the same fears I had during my mother’s battle. My mum, who is my champion, for her I think it’s the hardest. But its going to be OK.
There are so many stories, so much courage and strength to draw from, to sit in awe of, and to learn from so many other precious women whose lives have been forever changed.
There’s hope in every step I take.
Maxene
Comments
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Hi Maxene, Wow what a story. I don't know where to start. The tape isn't as bad as you think but its surprising what actually worries us about all this stuff. I know what you mean about being scared of not surviving. I have lived with that thought everyday for the last 6 years. Amazing what you do when you want to survive. I actually had someone question me this week about my attempts at survival. When you have children that's all you want to do.
The portacath really is a good option. I have one and am so glad that I finally agreed to have it put in.
There is hope in every step and we are very lucky that so much progress is being made which can help us with our battles.
I wish you and your family all the best. Let us know how you are going and remember there is always someone here for a chat and a shoulder to cry on.
Take care.
Tracey xx
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Thanks Tracey. Ahhhh... the survival thing, it is by far the most (if not only) driving emotion I have. I don't understand why people around me don't get it. They all seem to be in more of a state of shock and grief than me (if that makes sense?) - but I just keep telling them, I knew this was a possibility for me. I'm not going to wake up tomorrow with a different prognosis - I'm no superwoman, but I have to keep moving. They keep waiting for me to break down. I probably will sooner or later - but I know myself, and it will be the day that this marathon has been run and won by me.
It makes me sound harsh or something when I try to express myself, but I am a realist, always have been! This cancer is what it is. I don't want tears and sorrow - I want determination and belief.
You are so right about the progress though. I was in primary school when my mum had her masectomy - I remember it vividly. Everything is so different now - mum even said that a few years ago when she had her reconstruction.
So you've been 6 years since your treatment? I'm not sure what the protocol is, but is it OK for me to ask these questions? Don't feel bad if you don't want to answer!! :-) How long have you had the portacath? I am interested to learn more about it - where abouts is it placed? How practical is it in day to day life i.e. will it be a hassle with a very energetic and affectionate 3 year old? I feel like such a novice! Oh well, that apparently will change very soon.
Again, thanks Tracey, it is so good to be able to chat,
Take Care xx
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Hi Tracey - far out, you have been put through the ringer to say the least. I think you're amazing. How many kids do you have? I look at my little guy and just know that I have to fight, fight, fight!! When do you think you'll get your results through?
I went back to work this week (much to my families disgust) but I couldn't stand being cooped up at home!! I know they just want to help me, but honestly, all I could think of was FREEDOM!! Doesn't that sound bad? lol.
We live in Brisbane, whereabouts are you?
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Hi Maxene,
I have three daughters aged 19, 17 and 15. They keep me on my toes. I get my results 8th of November so I'm keeping everything crossed that the marker is staying down at least for a little while anyway.
I haven't stopped working all along. It keeps me sort of sane. My family (brother and sisters) don't really speak to me since I was diagnosed because it "upsets them." i don't know what they think it does to me, my hubby and daughters. No time to waste on them anymore. I've reached out and tried to contact them but they push me away. So it's the 5 of us.
I live in Melbourne. My best friend lives just out of Brisbane.
So the fight goes on. What else can we do? I agree, fight, fight, fight!
You take care and keep in touch. You are more than welcome to contact me anytime.
All the best.
Tracey xx
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Hi Maxene,
I was just reading back over your first post and saw that you have radiation coming up too. It is really expensive so don't pay it and then go to Medicare. Send all the bills into Medicare first and then you only have to pay what is left. It will still be a fair bit of money, but a bit less than if you pay it first. The other catch with Medicare is that when you pay a bill (even the gap amount), if your claim is going to be more than $500, then you will have to wait the six weeks for them to send a cheque out to you. Hope this makes sense.
Take care.
Tracey xx
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Hi Maxene
I'm glad to read that you have gone back to work...you need to do what is right for you rather than what pleases other people! My family weren't too happy about me working thru my treatment either but I needed to do it for my own sanity.
I was 35 the first time I had breast cancer and 42 the second time, last year. I have recently had genetic testing and don't carry the BRCA 1/2 gene mutations. They don't know what has caused me to have BC twice...unlucky I guess!!
As Tracey said, this is a great place to come to ask questions of people who have gone thru it all before or who are currently having the same sort of treatment. It is a fantastic forum!
Take care,
Louise0 -
Hi Maxene
Sorry its taken a while to get back to you....I am not on here as often as I used to be!
The second BC was a primary not a secondary. In hindsight I wish that I had had both breasts removed the first time but hindsight is a wonderful thing and I just wasn't ready at 35 to lose both breasts when there was nothing wrong with the other one!
Good luck with the genetic testing. It is good news not to carry the gene mutation but it really makes you wonder why you got BC if you don't carry it???
Louise x
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Hi Maxene
Sorry its taken a while to get back to you....I am not on here as often as I used to be!
The second BC was a primary not a secondary. In hindsight I wish that I had had both breasts removed the first time but hindsight is a wonderful thing and I just wasn't ready at 35 to lose both breasts when there was nothing wrong with the other one!
Good luck with the genetic testing. It is good news not to carry the gene mutation but it really makes you wonder why you got BC if you don't carry it???
Louise x
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Hi Maxene
Sorry its taken a while to get back to you....I am not on here as often as I used to be!
The second BC was a primary not a secondary. In hindsight I wish that I had had both breasts removed the first time but hindsight is a wonderful thing and I just wasn't ready at 35 to lose both breasts when there was nothing wrong with the other one!
Good luck with the genetic testing. It is good news not to carry the gene mutation but it really makes you wonder why you got BC if you don't carry it???
Louise x
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