Three days in.

sumha

It’s been three days now since my mother has been diagnosed with cancer. It all seems so surreal. I’ve been holding all my feelings in so well until last night. I wasn’t even thinking that hard about it all and all of a sudden I just couldn’t breathe properly - I had an anxiety attack. I feel bad for this happening right infront of my mum as I really don’t want to upset her even more. 

Im obsessing over this situation and thinking into things more then I should be. My mum has had a cold (I hope it’s a cold) for a little while before she found out she had cancer. She hasn’t had her MRI yet and I’m seriously worried that she’s already at stage 4 and the cancer has spread somewhere like her lungs which is causing this dry cough. 

I want to get good news back but we won’t know anything until Friday next week. I want to be assured that everything will be alright.

This has been the toughest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. 

Thank you all for all the support and I hope everyone is doing well. 

Afraser

Breathe! And breathe again! You are doing just fine. Waiting is very hard and we have all, at least once, imagined the most dire outcomes. Try hard not to look too far ahead, half the things we worry about never happen. Concentrate on tomorrow. Then the next tomorrow. It's amazing how far you can travel, one step at a time. 

Sister

I know that someone suggested Canteen to you.  Here is the link to their support page: https://www.canteen.org.au/home/how-we-help/counselling-and-individual-support/  
It might help just to speak to someone with the professional expertise to get you over this time.
  
There is professional support available through BCNA as well: "BCNA Helpline team on 1800 500 258 between 9.00 am and 5.00 (Eastern Standard Time) Monday - Friday."   They may be able to point you in the right direction. 

Try to avoid Dr Google, now... Remember that a lot of the information on there is pretty alarmist and often quite out of date.  Breast cancer treatment has come a long way in a short time and you don't know the particulars of your Mum's cancer.

Your Mum will be anxious about herself but just as anxious about you -  that's not to make you feel guilty but to look after yourself as well.  You haven't said if you have other support networks that both of you can tap into.  Distraction during this time of waiting can be good - not necessarily anything major but maybe walks or visits to (understanding) friends, cooking or swimming - things like that that don't take any major commitment of thought or energy, but things that you and your Mum like to do.

Christmas can make it extra hard but you and your Mum will get through it.  I can speak from experience on this one as I was diagnosed just before last Christmas and my kids (11, 12 & 15 at the time), while I know they were scared too, were a fantastic support to me. 

AllyJay

Great advice above (as usual) ...we all know how frightened you, your mother and indeed your whole family are. The general advice we give to all newcomers, those affected and family members, is to keep away from Dr Google. I'm sure that for a young person such as yourself, who has grown up with technology and refers to it all the time, and for everything, this is a hard ask. A bit like placing a large tin of lollies on the table, and then telling a three year old that they can't have one 'till after dinner. One very good reason for this (aside from the observations above regarding google) is that breast cancer as a diagnosis is a blanket diagnosis. Until your mum has had all the biopsies, tests, surgery and post surgical pathology, which kind, the stage and grade, the extent of spread and so on is unknown. It's not a "one size fits all" situation. To say a person has breast cancer is like saying a person owns a small business. They are not all the same. A small business could be a corner grocery shop, a newsagency, a hairdressers, a pet shop....you get my drift. Each business has different customers, stock, runs different hours, requires certain staff and so on. Much the same with breast cancer. There are many different types, some hormone receptive, some not, some in the ducts, some in the lobules and so on. Each different type, its stage, your mum's age, general state of health and suchlike, will mean that a treatment plan will be put in place for her specifically. What she has and the sequence in which it happens, may be totally different than for me, or dozens of other members in this group. Are you aware that we even have a few men in this group? Not many people know that men can also get breast cancer. This I mention to highlight to you the diversity of poeple in our dreadful club. We are all different and our treatments differ too. Having said that, we have all been touched on the shoulder by The Reaper and understand your terror. We get it and we will support you and your mum as much as we are able. Sending you a big cyber (((hug)))...Ally.

Sister

@AllyJay Painting a clear picture, as always.

SoldierCrab

@Giovanna_BCNA have you any specific resources for this person to link into 

Giovanna_BCNA

Hello @SoldierCrab
Thanks for the message. @sumha sorry to hear that your mum has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Its a hard place to be and understandably you are worried about her.  You have been provided with some great information from our community members.  Canteen is a great organisation and provide support for children from 12 to 24 years.  See the link below for further information.
https://www.canteen.org.au/home/how-we-help/counselling-and-individual-support/
Also, you can always see your Doctor if you feel that you need to speak with someone about how you are feeling.  Take care of yourself over the next few weeks, keep us posted and finger crossed that results are all good.