Home Health and wellbeing

Significant other

Harvey1903Harvey1903 Regional VictoriaMember Posts: 190
edited October 2018 in Health and wellbeing
Hi. 6 days in on third round TC chemo.  Hanging in OK, but quite teary and tired, so maybe making a mountain out of a molehill.  But it's only me and hubby, surely it's not that hard to organise shopping and housework without fifty questions.   It is sooo much easier to do it myself, although I have no energy.  Also have infection and really need to pace myself.  It is really impacting on our relationship as he just does not have one empathetic bone in his body, and just doesn't get this looking after someone else thing.   I really feel I would be better alone than to have expectations.  I know we all are in different situations, just having a whinge.  Probably a good sleep is all I need.  J


  • SisterSister Adelaide Hills, SAMember Posts: 4,956
    It can be really hard but you may just have to step back and let it go.  Hubby may then realise.  Other options may be online shopping (I do a big shop every 2 or 3 weeks and get all the heavy stuff + utilise the free delivery), or if you can afford it, delivered meals and a cleaner for the areas youjyst can't stand.
  • kmakmkmakm MelbourneMember Posts: 7,973
    TC gets harder as it goes along J. You have my sympathy; I was a mess in my third cycle!

    Have you given your husband the leaflet for partners to read? Did he read it? Would he?!

    Sometimes people like that do better with a very direct and literal list. As in, could you give him an actual list of things you need and require doing? If he's not offended by the concept it might relieve a lot of pressure for him and remove scope for misunderstanding.

    Also, do you have access to online shopping? You can do that from bed!

    The good news is that once TC is over, you'll be back up to 60 - 70% in about three months. Can you book in for a gentle exercise physiology class for a few weeks after you're finished? Though I know the golf course will be beckoning...!

    Hang in there J. You're almost done. Big hug. K xox
  • AfraserAfraser MelbourneMember Posts: 3,705
    My partner is a stoic.  Endures without complaining. Best possible person to have by your side in an emergency, as he never flaps and does all the right things at the right time. And no, he has no idea at all what it feels like not to be a stoic, to need some sympathy, or some looking after, because that is simply not how he thinks. So you may have to give instructions, prepare lists and say things many times over. And he may yet surprise you by an unplanned act of such tenderness that you are left speechless (and grateful). Good luck. 
  • Harvey1903Harvey1903 Regional VictoriaMember Posts: 190
    Thanks @sister @kmakm @aFraser. Realised I just want tlc.

    Food in freezer and did get a cleaner in.   Just waiting for that unplanned act of tenderness.    Oh well one more to go.  Yes once finished I have a plan to get on top of mind body and soul.  Golf included.   Chemo sucks.   Thanks guys. XxJ
  • SisterSister Adelaide Hills, SAMember Posts: 4,956
    You may wait forever for that one!  I treasured the act of having the wheat bag put in the microwave for me!😝😂
  • ZoffielZoffiel Regional VictoriaMember Posts: 3,269
    I was single the first time and, to be honest, it was easier. My current partner is a lovely person, but dealing with their stress on top of my own is an extra burden.
    Relationships fail for many reasons but I'm guessing dissatisfaction is close to the top of the list.  I can cope with over-caring but I'm not keen on indifference. If the person involved thinks I'm sorry responsible for cleaning  the communal toilet ( even if I've spent the last three months with one end or the other stuck in it) and won't accept things have changed, I'd struggle to figure out why I was involved with them. Mxx
  • Josephine66Josephine66 Lilydale, VICMember Posts: 79
    @Harvey1903 you have every right to want and expect a little tlc.
    My husband was as useless as tits on a bull. And like you it was just the two of us. I didnt fair well on weekly paclitaxol and literally dragged my arse from one week to the next for treatment. I remember completely losing it with him one weekend because all i wanted was to have my floors vacuumed and washed without asking 50 times. Well later that day he said he was talking to our neighbour who said she'd be happy to do floors. I was so mad with him i told to shove the vac and mop where the sun dont shine!!
    Obviously he didn't get the point :(
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 79
    edited October 2018
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  • Kiwi AngelKiwi Angel Sydney, NSWMember Posts: 1,952
    @Harvey1903 you poor thing. My husband was amazing so I was a very lucky girl. I think u will just have to look after u and he will just have to fend for himself. Maybe he will start to realise when there is no food in the house and the place is a mess because u feel like crap and want to curl up in bed that he might have to pull his socks up and take over the household duties for quite awhile.  I had the same chemo as u and it started to really knock me round by the end - I managed to function reasonably normally but about 2 days after each chemo cycle I felt like shit for about 5 days. Even once it finishes it takes time to recover. I’m just about 4 months post chemo and I’m just starting to get my strength back. 

    All the best xoxoxo
  • Harvey1903Harvey1903 Regional VictoriaMember Posts: 190
    Just reading the other posts, I am counting my blessings for all I have.   I'll be more prepared for round 4, and ready to tackle the next challenge. Thought life got easier as we aged?   Thanks for your thoughts. J. 
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