One more sleep until the diagnosis

wren71

Last Friday I felt a lump. After being knocked back by two busy surgeries I got into see a male Dr (by that time I didn’t care), he brought a nurse in and basically said, “this is not a cyst”. I got a referral to the country hospital and by the afternoon I was waiting with a friend for an ultrasound (my mother was on her way from Adelaide to stay with me and my husband freaking out as he couldn’t get to me before Sunday- yep we’re living apart due to work and I’m in the country with our youngest two children). It’s been a big year already and now this. Never perfect timing I guess. The ultrasound led to a mammogram and then a biopsy all in the one afternoon. I’m grateful they pulled strings to get it all done but now I’m so worried about tomorrow. I’m worried they pulled strings because it’s so bad!
The GP is a 9:30 tomorrow. My husband got me into a specialist in Adelaide on Wednesday morning at 11. All happening so fast which is good but scary. A week ago I was ‘cancer free’. 
At the hospital they said it was 18mm and that ‘most’ lymph glands were fatty but they kept stopping to click on measurements in the lymph area. That is definitely wasn’t a cyst. Now everything feels like a symptom of something worse. My heart flutters and I wonder if it’s there too. My hand aches and i wonder if it’s there. 
I’m worrying my 12 and 13 yr old as I’m teary. We need to make a decision in the next two weeks whether we stay in the country or move back to Adelaide. We need to make decisions about our house.  I now desperately want to move back to Adelaide. 
Im after reassurance that I know no one can give. 

wren71

Apologies re typos. On my phone.

Vangirl

Hi @DomThom I really feel for you. For me this was the most stressful part in many ways. Like you I had all my tests at once, then had to wait a few days for the outcome.

All I can advise is what worked (mostly) for me, which is to try to cross each bridge as you come to it. Should your lump turn out to be a cancer you can then turn to resources such as breast care nurses who can advise and help you find other resources.

Once you know what you're dealing with, you'll then find out what treatment is required and be able to decide whether it will be necessary to be in the city to access that treatment. Even if it is a cancer, you may only need minimal treatment. Not everyone needs chemotherapy, for instance.

I discovered a great podcast yesterday that you might find useful - The Thing About Cancer.

https://www.cancercouncil.com.au/podcasts/

But take the first step of receiving your test results first. And good luck! xxx

Sister

It's such an overwhelming time @DomThom You don't say where you are but I'm guessing it's somewhere in SA. It does feel like a whirlwind but once you have your diagnosis, you can slow things down a little if you need to.  You say that you're seeing a doctor in Adelaide.  Is that a surgeon? I can thoroughly recommend Jim Kollias if you're looking for one.  For now, just try to take one step at a time, and breathe.  Write down any questions you have for the doctor and take someone you trust with you to the appointment as it's always good to have another pair of ears - you probably won't take in much of what you're told. If finances are an issue, don't be afraid to let the doctor know that - you'd be surprised at how understanding many of them are.
As for the kids, my best advice is to be honest with them. You are in shock.  My kids were 11,12 and 15 when I was diagnosed. We told them what was going on and that I was upset and worried.  We also told them that we would tell them what we knew, when we knew it.  They have been understanding through all of it over the last 9 months.
Let us know how you go.  For me this site has been a sanity saver. You will find information and support as well as the odd laugh from people who get it.
Oh...try "Night Howls" if you you're awake in the middle of the night, or anytime, really.

Vangirl

Great advice about taking someone to the appointments @Sister I found myself dumbstruck when I got my diagnosis and was really glad my friend was there to ask questions I didn't think of and make notes.

Also, don't assume you will need to spend a lot of money to access treatment. Even if you have private health insurance you can choose whether to use it or to go public. I'm a public patient and have not paid for anything except prescription medications.

wren71

Thank you so much @sisfer and @Vangirl very much appreciate your comments. Having not slept much I’ll check out NightHowls :-) 

Kiwi Angel

@DomThom. Sending u the best of luck and the hugest hugs for a good diagnosis xoxooxo

Finch

@DomThom so sorry you've found you're way here but you couldn't have found a better place to air your worries. I really hope everything is ok. What a rotten time it is for you. Ask any question you like, the ladies here are fantastic.  This forum has certainly been everything to me. 
The best advice is don't rush ahead if you can help it. Take one step at a time and wait for your diagnosis. Definitely have someone with you. Once you've got that, jump on here and ask all the questions.  All the best and take care xxxxx

wren71

Thank you @finch much appreciated 

kmakm

It's such a crappy time @DomThom. The worst bit, the absolute pits. If it is cancer, once you know what you're dealing with and the doctors form your treatment plan, it'll get easier in a weird kind of way.

In the meantime try to stay in the moment as much as you can. And distract yourself as best as you can. It's so easy to say, but try not to cross any bridges until you get to them.

You're right, reassurance isn't really possible, but know this, whatever happens you'll get through the next month, the next six months, the next year. You're stronger than you think and so are your kids. My experience of BC has brought me closer to my husband and my friends. I've felt more love than I ever knew possible. My kids have shown resilience and compassion, and I think it will make them more empathetic people.

I'm sorry you find yourself here, and I sincerely hope that tomorrow you're not. But if you are diagnosed, we've got you. Deep breaths, K xox

kmakm

Oh and Night Howls is fantastic and a sanity saver!

wren71

Thank @kmakm words of wisdom. 
A friend has got me started on a mediation app. 

Giovanna_BCNA

Hello @DomThom its such a nerve wracking time waiting for results.  You have been given some great advice from our community members.  Look after yourself and do what helps you to manage this stressful time.  Dont hesitate to call our helpline on 1800 500 258 to speak with one of the cancer nurses for some information and support.  All the best with your results tomorrow.  Keep us posted.

kmakm

I got into meditation out of sheer desperation when I was diagnosed DomThom. I have a noisy brain and so I don't find it easy at all. I've let it go over the last three months but my anxiety has really been getting the better of me lately, so I've resolved to get back into it. Started again today! I use Headspace and have found it to be excellent. I don't completely understand how it does it, but it does seem to help. K xox

arpie

So sorry to see you here, and we know how it feels.     Take lots of deep breaths - once you have the diagnosis, you will have a clearer idea of what happens next .... so, hopefully it IS just cysts!

@Sister has covered lots of bits - definitely haver someone with you in all your meetings ... you could even record the meeting on your phone (any of them from now on ....) It can be tricky trying to remember what was said.

All the best for your meetings tomorrow - we'll be thinking of you xxx

wren71

Thank you @arpie I hadn’t considered recording. Will def have someone with me from now on