Rational fear?

Patti J

I haven't started a new discusiion for a while. However, today I  have been feeling very unhappy.

My son has never known his grandmothers. My husband's mum died when my husband was seven years old. My mum died when my son was seven months old.

I am worried that, if and when my son and his wife have children, that I too won't be around.

Usually, I am very upbeat and don't get upset, but the thought of not being around to enjoy future grandchildren worries me greatly.

Afraser

I was never sure if my daughter wanted children or not, nor did I want to push the subject. I was late to motherhood myself, and it wasn't something I had always felt was essential (very happy though when it happened). But nearly 6 years after diagnosis I have two grandsons! Worrying won't help your health. Worrying about something that may never happen uses up energy better spent on other things. I am sure you want your son and his wife to have children when they are ready. There are many things in life we can't plan - none of us planned bc! Enjoy your children. You live on in them however long your life may be. And their appreciation of your care and love will pass on to grandchildren. Who 
may well be around to delight and exhaust you! Take care.

primek

It is a real fear and we get it. I was the youngest of 10 children with a huge gap of 8 years to my nearest sibling. My Dad died of cancer just after my 1st son was born. I was truly  devastated that somebody who I thought would be involved in my kids lives wasn't going to be. My Mum passed when my youngest was 8 of natural causes. 

Nobody can predict what will happen and I get your sadness around it.

I have developed traditions that celebrate my parents in my family. The big pots of soup and hot bread like we had at home. The Xmas menu. Billy tea when camping. Lots of things that remind me of my Mum and Dad and my children have grown up talking about them and remembering stories about them (even my Dad who 2 never met). So lovely...if you are not there in person it doesn't mean your essence of who you are won't be. Write about yourself. Collect special recipes. Do all the  things that will help your son bring your memory not only into his life forever but forward into his childrens. Kath x

Sister

It is a fear I have as well @Patti J but I also recognise that there is no more I can do about it than what I am doing.  My Dad died when I was 13, my only sister died 3 years before my eldest child was born, my Mum died almost exactly 1 year after my sister.  I am the only one who carries the memories of my immediate family and I have tried to incorporate who we were into my family now.  I talk about them and try to make them as real as I can.  It upsets me at times that my Mum never had the chance to dote on my kids (as she would have) and that my sister never got to have some substitute daughters which she would have loved (she had boys). And I sometimes carry a little resentment that my husband's family's ways will have more meaning to my kids than my family's ways, not through any fault of theirs.  As a later-life child, I never knew my grandparents so, really, given that I was also late to parenthood, I can only be grateful that my kid's have known one set.

My kids are teenagers so I don't know if and when they will have children.  I only hope that it is when they are ready to and that I will be there and healthy enough to be able to enjoy that time and to give them the help and support that I wished I had.

Kiwi Angel

I was a later in life child - my parents were in the mid to late thirties when they had me. There are photos of me with my grandparents but I don’t remember them. My mum died of cancer when she was 59 and my father did better and lived to his 70’s but had a long battle with Parkinson’s and then died of a stroke, which is a year after my beloved father in law died of cancer. I don’t have children but I do worry about not being here with my husband and not being able to do all the things in my life that I want to as they are mostly long term goals. if I did have children I know that I would want them to have known those people mentioned above. Big hugs @Patti J xoxo