Betrayal
Kiwi Angel
Member Posts: 1,952 ✭
just found out at Mother’s Day lunch that my Mother in Law has told my brother and sister in law (who we are estranged from and haven’t spoken too in about 6 years) about my breast cancer diagnosis after my husband expressly told her not to cause I didn’t want them to know. I am so upset and angry, just about burst into tears at lunch - it feels like the worst thing that has happened to me since diagnosis. How could she do that?? It’s not her diagnosis to share and it is none of their business. They don’t care anyway. The thought of them knowing such an intimate detail of my life makes me feels sick. I am absolutely devastated.
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Deep breaths. Some people are complete arseholes. These things do not happen by accident, it's a calculated act which tells you all you need to know about her. I'm the sort who cuts people like that out of my life, but that could be difficult if your husband is fond of her. Make a voodoo doll.8
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Oh Kiwi Angel, its horrible when people do that. My Mother promised not to tell anyone, then went around telling everyone behind my back!! Including people that I had specifically asked her not to tell as I wanted to tell them myself. Focus on yourself and what you need to do. In the end I realised that although what Mum did was wrong, she was just dealing with it in her own way. It doesn't make it alright, but there's nothing we can do when stuff like that happens except look after ourselves.2
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@Zoffiel - I’m normally a cutter too might be harder in these circumstances though. My husband isn’t happy with her and it gonna let her know. Just got home and had a huge cry. When I found out I told her I can’t believe she did that when she was told not to and that I was really upset. Still no apology!!
@Mira that’s horrible. Why do people think it is their business to spread around. Unfortunately with her I don’t think it is her way of dealing with it but just that it is something new for her to talk about as she has very limited conversational skills.0 -
It was my Mums way of keeping control. She likes to be the one "in the know" that the family turns to because "Mum will know". Dealing with her was the worst part of my cancer experience, she actually told me off multiple times because I was saying she couldn't tell anyone, and she was telling people before I was even properly diagnosed.
That was 3 years ago now, I just had a nice walk with her (and Dad) for Mothers Day. Life's too short to be angry with them. Focus on what is important at the moment, and that's you.5 -
Gargh! It makes me all stabby on your behalf! What disgraceful behaviour your mother-in-law has displayed. How dare she? Seriously, what makes her think she can betray her son's trust in that way? Let alone yours??
Steph, I am SO sorry this has happened to you. You have no control over this disease, the least you can expect is to control the dissemination of the information. All I can say is take some deep breaths and try to let it go. But note to self, when people show you who they are, believe them. Your mother-in-law has shown she can't be trusted. In the future, don't. K xox4 -
@kmakm so upset there the thing isn’t it - the sharing of the information is supposedly the only thing we have control over. She will not be told anything in the future. If I could of avoided telling her about this I would of cause I was worried this might happen xoxoxo0
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Big bear hug my TC sista xox1
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Thanks @RachelG I know - we have enough to worry about.0
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Hmmm.....family drama. One thing I have learnt through the years of having a very large extended family is that if you tell someone not to say anything you can bet your ass they will.
There are two family members on my shit list, one brother in law and one aunt. Somewhere along the line they both found out. The aunt I especially didn't want to deal with. She had BC about 4 years ago. It didn't make her a nicer person and it didn't make me want to be her best friend when I was diagnosed. She rang and rang and face booked me and messaged me. I never replied to anything. I did find out who told her. That person was told what I thought and explained to me how the conversation had come about.
After I stopped fuming about it I kind of figured that it really didn't matter. What difference did it make? This was now part of me and them knowing didn't change anything. These people are not part of my life, I still don't speak to them and I don't want to waste any of my time and energy worrying about it. I guess it was just the principle of the matter that ticked me off.
Try not to stress too much about it @Kiwi Angel you have too much else to concentrate on at the moment.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX8 -
@kezmusc I think the major problems for me is that this is the second time she has thrown me under the bus with the brother in law and has no comprehension of that stuff up and then to be expressly asked not to say anything, then doing it, then getting caught out and then still not apologising or acknowledging she did anything wrong and just ignoring it is just too much for me. She is unfortunately the one I will now be distancing myself from. Through this whole experience only her and the dickhead doctor who mistakenly told me I had stage 4 cancer have been the only things to make me cry.0
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ah Kiwi Angel I hear you girl my mother told my estranged brother and his then wife who is a Bitch with a capital B. her comment which my stupid mother repeated to me was I wish she dies.... needless to say I have nothing to do with them -my Brother or his ex wife, and My mother gets very limited information about my life. I hear you it hurts you have a right to angry and hurt but like the others have said it is not worth holding onto as it is something you really don't have time or energy for while going through treatment.
My actions now are I don't tell my mother the things that are important to my well-being as I know she will automatically tell others who I have asked her to not to tell.
Soldiercrab4 -
@SoldierCrab I can actually hear my brother in law saying those exact words about me - hence why I didn’t want him to know as he doesn’t care. I will definately br distancing myself and she will only be told things on an absolutely need to know basis.2
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it can be so frustrating but I know you will pick yourself up and move on so to speak and will not allow this to interfere with your own life.0
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@SoldierCrab - u r right - I had my cry, rant and wallow and I will move in leaving those who can’t support me and respect my wishes in my wake.0
