Kiwi AngelKiwi Angel Sydney, NSWMember Posts: 1,916
just found out at Mother’s Day lunch that my Mother in Law has told my brother and sister in law (who we are estranged from and haven’t spoken too in about 6 years) about my breast cancer diagnosis after my husband expressly told her not to cause I didn’t want them to know. I am so upset and angry, just about burst into tears at lunch - it feels like the worst thing that has happened to me since diagnosis. How could she do that??  It’s not her diagnosis to share and it is none of their business. They don’t care anyway. The thought of them knowing such an intimate detail of my life makes me feels sick. I am absolutely devastated. 


  • MiraMira I live in my computer .... Member Posts: 566
    Oh Kiwi Angel, its horrible when people do that.  My Mother promised not to tell anyone, then went around telling everyone behind my back!!  Including people that I had specifically asked her not to tell as I wanted to tell them myself.    Focus on yourself and what you need to do.   In the end I realised that although what Mum did was wrong, she was just dealing with it in her own way. It doesn't make it alright, but there's nothing we can do when stuff like that happens except look after ourselves.
  • Kiwi AngelKiwi Angel Sydney, NSWMember Posts: 1,916
    @Zoffiel - I’m normally a cutter too might be harder in these circumstances though. My husband isn’t happy with her and it gonna let her know. Just got home and had a huge cry. When I found out I told her I can’t believe she did that when she was told not to and that I was really upset. Still no apology!!  

    @Mira that’s horrible. Why do people think it is their business to spread around. Unfortunately with her I don’t think it is her way of dealing with it but just that it is something new for her to talk about as she has very limited conversational skills. 
  • kmakmkmakm MelbourneMember Posts: 7,661
    edited May 2018
    Gargh! It makes me all stabby on your behalf! What disgraceful behaviour your mother-in-law has displayed. How dare she? Seriously, what makes her think she can betray her son's trust in that way? Let alone yours??

    Steph, I am SO sorry this has happened to you. You have no control over this disease, the least you can expect is to control the dissemination of the information. All I can say is take some deep breaths and try to let it go. But note to self, when people show you who they are, believe them. Your mother-in-law has shown she can't be trusted. In the future, don't. K xox
  • Kiwi AngelKiwi Angel Sydney, NSWMember Posts: 1,916
    @kmakm so upset there the thing isn’t it - the sharing of the information is supposedly the only thing we have control over. She will not be told anything in the future. If I could of avoided telling her about this I would of cause I was worried this might happen xoxoxo 
  • kmakmkmakm MelbourneMember Posts: 7,661
     Big bear hug my TC sista xox
  • RachelGRachelG BrisbaneMember Posts: 50
    So sorry to hear this @Kiwi Angel, families can be so trying at times and this is really the last thing you need with what you are already going through. Focus on yourself, any negative energy is not worth it  :)
  • Kiwi AngelKiwi Angel Sydney, NSWMember Posts: 1,916
    Thanks @RachelG I know - we have enough to worry about. 
  • Kiwi AngelKiwi Angel Sydney, NSWMember Posts: 1,916
    @kezmusc I think the major problems for me is that this is the second time she has thrown me under the bus with the brother in law and has no comprehension of that stuff up and then to be expressly asked not to say anything, then doing it, then getting caught out and then still not apologising or acknowledging she did anything wrong and just ignoring it is just too much for me. She is unfortunately the one I will now be distancing myself from. Through this whole experience only her and the dickhead doctor who mistakenly told me I had stage 4 cancer have been the only things to make me cry. 
  • SoldierCrabSoldierCrab Bathurst NSW Member Posts: 3,234
    ah Kiwi Angel I hear you girl my mother told my estranged brother and his then wife who is a Bitch with a capital B. her comment which my stupid mother repeated to me was I wish she dies.... needless to say I have nothing to do with them -my Brother or his ex wife, and My mother gets very limited information about my life.  I hear you it hurts you have a right to angry and hurt but like the others have said it is not worth holding onto as it is something you really don't have time or energy for while going through treatment. 
    My actions now are I don't tell my mother the things that are important to my well-being as I know she will automatically tell others who I have asked her to not to tell. 

  • Kiwi AngelKiwi Angel Sydney, NSWMember Posts: 1,916
    @SoldierCrab I can actually hear my brother in law saying those exact words about me - hence why I didn’t want him to know as he doesn’t care. I will definately br distancing myself and she will only be told things on an absolutely need to know basis. 
  • SoldierCrabSoldierCrab Bathurst NSW Member Posts: 3,234
    it can be so frustrating  but I know you will pick yourself up and move on so to speak and will not allow this to interfere with your own life. 
  • Kiwi AngelKiwi Angel Sydney, NSWMember Posts: 1,916
    @SoldierCrab - u r right - I had my cry, rant and wallow and I will move in leaving those who can’t support me and respect my wishes in my wake. 
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