Treatment, hysterectomy, mastectomy, and now an emotional mess!

Hi everyone,
I had had my last chemo on Jan 11th for triple neg BC. I have BRCA1 and in the last 6 weeks since finishing treatment I have had a full hysterectomy with uterus & ovaries removed 3 weeks after chemo and then a double mastectomy 3 weeks after the hysterectomy.
I have been doing pretty well throughout my journey with the odd day here and there where I’m teary but now I feel down & flat every day and I keep crying but for no reason. I’m not normally a cryer in normal circumstances so it’s hard.
I am still in a bit of pain and very uncomfortable with the expanders and am not allowed to drive or exercise so I am housebound by myself all day and I feel like I need a purpose but at the same time I feel so flat and unmotivated I don’t want to do much anyway. I just cry on and off and have bloody hot flashes!
Last week I had a panic attack thinking about recurrence. Sitting around with my mind is obviously not a good thing.
Throughout treatment I couldn’t wait to get back to normal and “live every moment” etc and now I feel like this. What is wrong with me???
I had another lump prior to mastectomy which ended up being benign so all my pathology was clear. I should be celebrating that all is good and I’m cancer free and sometimes I am feeling really up beat but then other times I’m a mess or just flat.
Has anyone ever felt like this and if so do you have any suggestions?
Sorry for the novel.
Thankyou x
I had had my last chemo on Jan 11th for triple neg BC. I have BRCA1 and in the last 6 weeks since finishing treatment I have had a full hysterectomy with uterus & ovaries removed 3 weeks after chemo and then a double mastectomy 3 weeks after the hysterectomy.
I have been doing pretty well throughout my journey with the odd day here and there where I’m teary but now I feel down & flat every day and I keep crying but for no reason. I’m not normally a cryer in normal circumstances so it’s hard.
I am still in a bit of pain and very uncomfortable with the expanders and am not allowed to drive or exercise so I am housebound by myself all day and I feel like I need a purpose but at the same time I feel so flat and unmotivated I don’t want to do much anyway. I just cry on and off and have bloody hot flashes!
Last week I had a panic attack thinking about recurrence. Sitting around with my mind is obviously not a good thing.
Throughout treatment I couldn’t wait to get back to normal and “live every moment” etc and now I feel like this. What is wrong with me???
I had another lump prior to mastectomy which ended up being benign so all my pathology was clear. I should be celebrating that all is good and I’m cancer free and sometimes I am feeling really up beat but then other times I’m a mess or just flat.
Has anyone ever felt like this and if so do you have any suggestions?
Sorry for the novel.
Thankyou x
0
Comments
i think it's called catch up time. You've had enough going on to qualify for a full on traumatic episode, you've kept it all pretty controlled and sensible but sooner or later you and your body need to howl. Time alone by yourself will just make the catch up more likely. "Normal" frequently needs to be redefined after treatment. New normal isn't awful or unacceptable but it's not what you had, and there has to be a transition and some grieving is to be expected. I felt that all the air had been knocked out of me after treatment and a few permanent side effects. A short time with a really good, cancer experienced counsellor did wonders. We accept and welcome professional help for our bodies, but cancer, serious surgery and its implications bash the mind too. You are actually completely normal, it's just a very new sort of normal, hugely uncomfortable at first and a bit of a pilot light would help immensely to navigate to the new world. Best wishes.
it is very common to feel like this .... plus you have had all your hormones removed with hysterectomy and ovaries gone on top of BC
Like Afraser said ask for a Mental Health plan and see a good psychologist who is experienced in Cancer counselling.
I would just cry for no reason .... my teens said I would cry in my sleep but a good few sessions with the Psychologist has seen me come out the other end with my new normal and I am reclaiming my life .... it didn't happen overnight....
you have been on a rollercoaster ride which you didnt ask to join accept that you need to emotionally heal from that.
Hugs
Soldiercrab
Thanks
Tripletea
Basically you can ask anyone you feel comfortable asking! Your breast care nurse, your oncologist, your GP. The latter can draw up a mental health plan so you can get Medicare rebates (for ten sessions I think). My breast care nurse and oncologist both recommended the same counsellor. She's community funded and so very affordable.
Or as you suggest, call the Cancer Council, or the BCNA helpline, 1800 500 258. They'll be able to point you in the right direction.
Hang in there. K
After taking it it for a couple of weeks my hot flashes really died down but the last few days have been back with a vengeance, along with the emotions and a few(rare) pimples I am wondering if the body knows it’s normally period time? Even though I haven’t had a period for 5 months from chemopuse.
I will definately try the counselling and @Brenda5 the idea of stopping and smelling the roses etc is a good one. When first diagnosed I was really soaking everything up as opposed to always being on a phone, in a rush etc and I really want to get back to that. Living in the present and enjoying it all and not letting life just fly by.
@onemargie distraction is a great idea and I’m feeling better today with my husband around.
Thanks for all the hugs xxx
It's very challenging to celebrate life at times, despite truly knowing how fortunate we are to be survivors.
said something very true a little while ago elsewhere that is Survivorship is hard.... it comes with the fact we can go forward, but also the impact of the treatment on our lives and those around us. it also comes with the what ifs..... Take it one day at a time when things are particularly bad take it an hour or minute at a time.....
mediation has helped me to regroup and refocus on the positives....
BC version 1 I just got on with it like a good girl. This time? Porridge Woman. Sans tits and ovaries and great chunks of meat from under my arm--not, of course, the Nana wings I'd be happy to lose--on a variety of crappy meds I am, to borrow someone else analogy, a miserable Bandicoot.
Trotting off and dumping everything on a mental health professional of your choice is helpful. So is exercise. You can't turn back the clock and that, I believe, is the thing that is hardest for me. I don't stress to much about the future, but I do grieive for what has passed.
On we trudge. One foot in front of the other. Repeat. Mxxx
Hoping that this helps xxx
Cuddles, Trace
@zoffiel Those bandicoots do get around, don't they?