Hi everyone,I had had my last chemo on Jan 11th for triple neg BC. I have BRCA1 and in the last 6 weeks since finishing treatment I have had a full hysterectomy with uterus & ovaries removed 3 weeks after chemo and then a double mastectomy 3 weeks after the hysterectomy. I have been doing pretty well throughout my journey with the odd day here and there where I’m teary but now I feel down & flat every day and I keep crying but for no reason. I’m not normally a cryer in normal circumstances so it’s hard.I am still in a bit of pain and very uncomfortable with the expanders and am not allowed to drive or exercise so I am housebound by myself all day and I feel like I need a purpose but at the same time I feel so flat and unmotivated I don’t want to do much anyway. I just cry on and off and have bloody hot flashes!Last week I had a panic attack thinking about recurrence. Sitting around with my mind is obviously not a good thing. Throughout treatment I couldn’t wait to get back to normal and “live every moment” etc and now I feel like this. What is wrong with me???I had another lump prior to mastectomy which ended up being benign so all my pathology was clear. I should be celebrating that all is good and I’m cancer free and sometimes I am feeling really up beat but then other times I’m a mess or just flat.Has anyone ever felt like this and if so do you have any suggestions? Sorry for the novel.Thankyou x

Dear @TripleTea i think it's called catch up time. You've had enough going on to qualify for a full on traumatic episode, you've kept it all pretty controlled and sensible but sooner or later you and your body need to howl. Time alone by yourself will just make the catch up more likely. "Normal" frequently needs to be redefined after treatment. New normal isn't awful or unacceptable but it's not what you had, and there has to be a transition and some grieving is to be expected. I felt that all the air had been knocked out of me after treatment and a few permanent side effects. A short time with a really good, cancer experienced counsellor did wonders. We accept and welcome professional help for our bodies, but cancer, serious surgery and its implications bash the mind too. You are actually completely normal, it's just a very new sort of normal, hugely uncomfortable at first and a bit of a pilot light would help immensely to navigate to the new world. Best wishes.

@TripleTea and @kmakm In January I could finally say after 18 months that I've gone into natural menopause. I often felt as if my body was going through the motions of menstruation without any result other than a couple of episodes 12 months before so I don't think it's strange that the drugs could mimic that.@zoffiel Those bandicoots do get around, don't they?

hi @TripleTea it is very common to feel like this .... plus you have had all your hormones removed with hysterectomy and ovaries gone on top of BC Like Afraser said ask for a Mental Health plan and see a good psychologist who is experienced in Cancer counselling.I would just cry for no reason .... my teens said I would cry in my sleep but a good few sessions with the Psychologist has seen me come out the other end with my new normal and I am reclaiming my life .... it didn't happen overnight.... you have been on a rollercoaster ride which you didnt ask to join accept that you need to emotionally heal from that. Hugs Soldiercrab

@TripleTea I'm struggling with some of these emotions too and the wonderful women here have been very reassuring that it's all very normal.Basically you can ask anyone you feel comfortable asking! Your breast care nurse, your oncologist, your GP. The latter can draw up a mental health plan so you can get Medicare rebates (for ten sessions I think). My breast care nurse and oncologist both recommended the same counsellor. She's community funded and so very affordable.Or as you suggest, call the Cancer Council, or the BCNA helpline, 1800 500 258. They'll be able to point you in the right direction.Hang in there. K

Panic attacks are not nice and put huge stress on you. Get your GP to put you on an antidepressant. Your body is going through a lifetime change which might normally happen in menopause over several years but its been jam packed in to one event and it is hard to take and hard to get used to. Rest up, go for walks (which really do help) and practice awareness. Feel the breeze. Smell the perfume of flowers or even the bad smells of cars. Enjoy watching the trees. Listen to the birds. How many can you hear if you really concentrate? It all helps. Hugz <3

Treatment, hysterectomy, mastectomy, and now an emotional mess!

21 Replies

kmakm
Member
8 years ago
Thank you @SoldierCrab. Will be listening to the last one shortly. K xox
SoldierCrab
Member
8 years ago
https//youtu.be/BiqlZZddZEo relaxing Celtic music

https//youtu.be/cyBBZGfUnMs Healing Chinese ZEN music of Anxiety & Stress

crystal meditation guided https//youtu.be/YUZWu_EiQhs

tibetan singing bowls mindfulness bell.... https//youtu.be/wGFog-OuFDM

this is my absolute favourite.. https://youtu.be/JHm4uo7dZaM this helps me sleep peacefully
primek
Member
8 years ago
Hi there @TripleTea.
I would think since at least 3 weeks following your hysterectomy you should be able to doing walking. Certainly that is no issue with expanders in. If your scars are completely healed up you could also do some pool exercises. Maybe not swimming or aquafit yet but certainly walking and doing yout post op exercises in the water will assist you to regain your strength. The fabulous thing with exercise is it really helps our mental health.

Doing some mindfulness techniques and practising slowing your breath can also help when you are feeling panicky or stressed. Practising the breathing outside those times means you can do them easily when it happens. Try downloading some apps (free) and see which you like. Calm...is one. Smiling minds is another and also Minshift. All have assisted relaxation info on them.

With diagnosis comes all the fear and we just go into the fight of saving our life. Shifting from that to being a survivor is hard. We all fear recurrence. It's normal. If it preoccupies your life...talk to someone about that. I think only after all the surgery is done and treatment over do we really start to grieve.
We grieve for the loss of feeling safe with our health.
We grieve for the loss of the hormones that made us women.
We grieve for the removal of those body parts.
We grieve for the changes it has on relationships.
Yes...it's normal but it is hard.

Survivorship is about figuring out how to pick up the pieces if your life and reclaim it...forever changed you will be, but a life worth the fight for.

It does get better. Kath x
kmakm
Member
8 years ago
@SoldierCrab I have an app on my phone, Headspace, I like it. I have some cds too but cd player is under the house somewhere and it's beyond me to find it at the mo. I'll check out You Tube. Do you have a favourite there?
SoldierCrab
Member
8 years ago
@kmakm
do you have any Mediation Cds or on IPOD

You can find some on Youtube
kmakm
Member
8 years ago
Interesting @sister.

Currently pathetically attempting to fend the bandicoots off with a wobbly stick. I'm finding this weekend a challenge with my immobility & everyone else's delightful activity. Exercise not advisable or possible today but will have a bash at meditation. Thanks for the reminder @SoldierCrab.
Sister
Member
8 years ago
@TripleTea and @kmakm In January I could finally say after 18 months that I've gone into natural menopause. I often felt as if my body was going through the motions of menstruation without any result other than a couple of episodes 12 months before so I don't think it's strange that the drugs could mimic that.

@zoffiel Those bandicoots do get around, don't they?
Anonymous
8 years ago
Sounds pretty normal to me, it is a reaction that anyone diagnosed with cancer feels. Do you have a local cancer support group, where you can access some face yo face support and fellowship ? Also, you may be able to access some govt funded counselling services to confidentially work through your feelings (I think that they fund 5-6 per year, needs a dr referral)
Hoping that this helps xxx
Cuddles, Trace
Zoffiel
Member
8 years ago
When you get dropped into the mincer life changes. Yes, you can get some form and structure back ( being rebirthed as one of those revolting fat pork sausages has been a personal insult but never mind) however the whole business screws you over.

BC version 1 I just got on with it like a good girl. This time? Porridge Woman. Sans tits and ovaries and great chunks of meat from under my arm--not, of course, the Nana wings I'd be happy to lose--on a variety of crappy meds I am, to borrow someone else analogy, a miserable Bandicoot.

Trotting off and dumping everything on a mental health professional of your choice is helpful. So is exercise. You can't turn back the clock and that, I believe, is the thing that is hardest for me. I don't stress to much about the future, but I do grieive for what has passed.

On we trudge. One foot in front of the other. Repeat. Mxxx
SoldierCrab
Member
8 years ago
Ladies @primek
said something very true a little while ago elsewhere that is Survivorship is hard.... it comes with the fact we can go forward, but also the impact of the treatment on our lives and those around us. it also comes with the what ifs..... Take it one day at a time when things are particularly bad take it an hour or minute at a time.....
mediation has helped me to regroup and refocus on the positives....