Just need some advice.

3boysmum

Hi all....hope everyone had a lovely Christmas and new year.  I went for a job interview on Friday. It's fulltime. I am currently working about 30 hours a week and bumping my income up doing Uber!! My current employer has been awesome...hiring me mid chemo treatment, adjusting my roater when i had radiation etc. I bust my backside for them and will never forget their kindness. I just need fulltime work financially and they can't give me that (hospitality). This new job is customer service call centre.
My problem is i keep worrying about what if the cancer comes back and i can't work full time.....i hate that cancer is still controlling me! My psychologist has left the place she was working and i am going to see another in the new year but until then i am, to be honest, struggling with these thoughts of it coming back. Every ache i get i panic. My oncologist told me originally that there is a 50% chance it can come back within first 2 years....how do i focus on the 50% chance that it won't?
Thanks

[Deleted User]

@3boysmum, happy new year. I think we all worry about that. It’s great that you’re working as this can help take your mind off it a bit. I’m not sure how long ago your treatment was, but I have found that at the 3 year mark I’m a bit less focused on a recurrence. Having said that I’m house hunting and that does come into my thoughts sometimes. 

My counsellor once said thoughts like those are like picking up a book from your library, you can pick it up and have a read but you have to find a place for it. These thoughts probably don’t go away, but they find a place in our lives. All the best with your new job. x 

3boysmum

Thanks @LucyE.....i was diagnosed in Jan 17 amd finished treatment in Nov 17 so it is all very recent. Working os my saving grace and i love my job but being casual, it just isn't secure enough for me.

[Deleted User]

@3boysmum take care, it takes a while to process it all. One day I feel totally on top of it all and the next I’m not. I’ve taken on a new work role so I understand the pressure of having to try new things while recovering from treatment and trying to find your footing in life again. Part of me thinks that I have to release it to the universe and if cancer comes back, I’ve done as much as I can. This helps me live with the risk of recurrence from a very aggressive cancer initially. All the best for 2018. Don’t be too hard on yourself, you’ve been through a lot. x 

primek

Well I'm glad I didn't ask my oncologist that. Did he not mean of those that do return it happens in the first 2 years...rather than all with your type of cancer?  Stats can help but they can also hinder.  I have a her2 cancer and the stats say that 50%of mets of that kind can be in the brain. Speaking of freaking me out. I've just decided that I'm going to believe I am cancer free now as the what ifs were sending me mental. Once I was able to start believing it...using words like "I had breast cancer" and "now I'm cancer free" slowly helped me believe. Within 12 months you'll be feeling more settled and swamped with life again I suspect. Kath x

Mollygirl

Hi @3boysmum, I've just finished treatment in September and mastectomies in November. I'm in awe you managed to work!  Big back pat to you. 
I had a triple negative cancer and I whilst I understand stats about recurrence and mets I've decided to try and just carry on regardless and not let these worries affect my decision making. You know maybe It'll metastasise this year next or never ( I'm banking on never!). I guess I just don't want regrets or the fact I had breast ca to control me. 
I think you've answered you own question though by saying you need the security and the finial as well....
Its a great idea you're going to see a psychologist. Best wishes. Xxx

Mollygirl

Sorry financial - not finial

AineG

Hi 3boysmum,  if right now you are able to work full time, then you have just as much right as anyone to go for that job....  so many people take full time jobs then change their minds..... employers adjust to each persons circumstances.
As for the cancer coming back, I think like the others say time will help.
sounds to me like you're half way to two years and So far so good, right?  only 12 months to freedom......