I'm am so scared beyond belief. I'm having my Double Masc tomorrow and lymph nodes as well ..l feel like lm going to go insane and run from the hospital ..l have cried for 2 days of and on ..spoke to BC nurse and friends ..l feel like l will end up in a phys ward or something ...l really dont no how you have all come through this ...please please some hopeful words ...My daughter said that your brain will accept it after it is done ..it the lead up to it and the anxiety ...going flat as can't have reco ..Omg ..will l be ok

@Bowie you have every reason to feel the way you do. I was so panicked and beside myself for weeks leading up to it. I was in constant tears, I felt like I was going mad! That's when I knew I had a problem and so I reached out to a Psychologist that Id seen 3 yrs previously, it was a phone appointment for an hour. I can tell you..something clicked I was still scared of so many things but I made it to the surgery day unscathed. She told me I had attachment to my physical self...understandable right?? its a part of me?? and yet losing that breast for me I felt like I was losing a huge part of myself...but what I realized was its just a piece of me that it doesnt alter who I am in anyway shape or form..I was able to separate myself from it a little more. Bowie, I had the Mastectomy/Diep flap recon 5 weeks ago and I only cried once when I got home from pain, its a big operation. BUT I cannot stress this enough...I never looked back, I couldn't be happier with how I look and how I've recovered. For me...it was knowing I wasn't alone, being loved through it was invaluable. I know you are off tomorrow, so I send you the biggest hug, please believe me that you will absolutely be OK! the Staff will be wonderful but I also urge you once you are home to be in contact with a Psychologist, I know youre not having a recon so honestly it will help in ways that you just couldn't imagine. You will find your peace...because I honestly never thought I would or could and yet here I am...and so will you. Cuddles we're all here supporting. Melinda xo

I didn't sleep at all before my surgery and cried a lot...a lot. I balled my eyes out in the shower the morning of surgery. But. I must say the relief of the cancer being gone was amazing. I was then able to move forward and prepare for the battle ahead of treatment. You will get through this. There will be more tears. But that's okay. Acknowledging your loss is a good thing. Hope all goes well and we will be thinking of you. Kath x

Hi. melclarity lm not sure how or you can send you a private message ,but anyways ..Thankyou ..so much for hope ..l have seen the BC counsiller but did not find her helpful. .l no it is positive thinking ,but it's the waiting waking in the night all wet from the stress ..lm ok for a bit then l just loose it and just want to sleep for 6 mths ...I'm on my own which is not helping ..

I had a right mastectomy with axillary clearance on 2nd Feb. I don't love having one breast, but I regard my scar as a badge of honour, reminding me of my courage and all I have and will go through to beat this disease. I proudly show it off to anyone who wants to see! I was terrified before my surgery too, but I was fine. The pain was minimal, the recovery fine and the wound neat and kind of feminine in a way across my ribs. I would rather have both breasts, but I'm happy enough with my new body that I'm seriously considering no recon.

Bowie up the top near your profile pic and name to the right is a picture of a world which is notifications, the one next to it looks like a drawer click on that then click new message and thats where you put anyones username in to send a message.I was alone for most of it, I had my partner here the night before but that wasnt usual. I think the worst thing is the FEAR, and the thing you have to remember is, thats the worst part because once you actually start the process and are in it, you will find you are more relaxed. You imagine all sorts of things and you particularly imagine how you are going to FEEL...I did all of that pre surgery too it was relentless to the point of nearly a panic attack!! So when you feel it start to rise, do 5 deep long breaths in and exhale, it really works! The other thing is to validate yourself, how you feel, the fear, the worry, anxiety, anger what ever it may be, acknowledge it all as it comes up give yourself a cuddle and say I KNOW! but I am going to be safe and Im going to be ok. Im sorry you didnt find the Counsellor helpful, so definitely need to find someone else, Breast Care Nurses are fantastic too! and I think you'll find you will in hospital. They are beyond beautiful caring human beings who have a way of comforting! I know it seems impossible to be calm right now, but it will wash over you tomorrow, so key to remember that you are going to be OK...very important...x M

Tomorrow is day | BCNA Online Network

37 Replies

au0rei
Member
9 years ago

Bowie said:

I'm am so scared beyond belief. I'm having my Double Masc tomorrow and lymph nodes as well ..l feel like lm going to go insane and run from the hospital ..l have cried for 2 days of and on ..spoke to BC nurse and friends ..l feel like l will end up in a phys ward or something ...l really dont no how you have all come through this ...please please some hopeful words ...My daughter said that your brain will accept it after it is done ..it the lead up to it and the anxiety ...going flat as can't have reco ..Omg ..will l be ok

Hi hun, I hope you are feeling better and stronger now. I know it's hard not to cry but being calm is important. I know there are a lot of apprehension and anxiety but you will be well taken care of by your medical team. When I lost my breast I did not cry, I just wanted to remove that heinous lump straightaway. I am not saying I am stronger than you, I am not. Some days I can be so plagued by anxiety and all the what ifs. For me I find my source of strength in God whom I choose to trust, because I am so weak and unreliable. Take one step at a time, find something to keep you busy. I listen to music and sermons on you tube. Or even funny videso on you tube to make me laugh out loud. Surround yourself with loved ones who support you, it's good to chat about your feelings with someone reliable. I find that helps me a lot. xxx
melclarity
Member
9 years ago
@Bowie just wanted to let you know i am thinking of you and hope to hear soon how you are. Bug hugs Melinda x
Hopes_and_Dream
Member
9 years ago
Hello @Bowie, hope you are doing well and not in too much pain. These early days can be overwhelming. Rest and heal and us know how you are when you can. Until then, we have you in our thoughts. Jane xx.
lgray3911
Member
9 years ago
@bowie how did it all go? Hope you're ok xx
Pammy46
Member
9 years ago
@Bowie hope you ok xx
SoldierCrab
Member
9 years ago
How are you travelling @Bowie ? been thinking about you and hoping that you are coping with this stage of the roller coaster and know we are thinking of you.
Soldier Crab
nikkid
Member
9 years ago
Thinking of you @Bowie.....looking forward to hearing from you afterwards Nikki xxxx
Hopes_and_Dream
Member
9 years ago
Thinking of you @Bowie and sending a hug.
Jane xx
Zoffiel
Member
9 years ago
@Bowie. I remember when I was pregnant all those years ago being terrified of giving birth. I'd walk around looking at people trying to get it into my head that for every person I saw, someone had to do the thing that was freaking me out.
It was a bit the same when it came to the mastectomies. I knew there were a shit load of people out there who had dragged themselves into hospital, lay on the trolley and said 'Do' it.'
For me, the node procedures caused more anxiety than the loss of my breasts. I know why that was, but the uninitiated think you will be more concerned about your appearance.
I think your daughter is right, your brain will accept the changes. I used to do most of my crying in either the shower or the car, and I've done more of it before any procedure than I have after. I've had my share of grief, but I've not missed those tits. They were the cause of many problems over the years (they were spectacular) and in the end they were going to kill me.
Good luck. Marg.
primek
Member
9 years ago
Thinking of you @Bowie today. <3