Goal Setting
I’m now just a few months shy of four years since my diagnosis. (Yay!) I’ve recently been thinking about the whole subject of goal setting and why it matters.
Following my diagnosis and plans or goals I had in place vanished in a puff of fear. The world was suddenly uncertain. How could I plan for anything when I wasn’t sure I’d even be here. I was anxious about even buying tickets.
During treatment my goals were very short term. Survive (number one), stay as healthy as I could throughout treatment, stay as positive as reasonably possible while still acknowledging all of my other very human emotions (including fear, anger, anxiety and more fear). I also worked at caring for my husband and daughter as best I could and avoiding ‘it’s all about me’ syndrome. They were suffering too.
Now I’m well and my goals are starting to become a bit more interesting. I can plan for the future with reasonable confidence. I suppose there’s always going to be that shadow of a doubt in my mind about whether or not the cancer returns, but I don’t let it stop me from thinking about what I’ll do with my life if and when it doesn’t.
There’s a lot of information out there about setting SMART goals. You’ve probably seen some of it. The recommendation is that goals should be:
Specific -clearly stating what you’re hoping to achieve rather than being vague
Measurable – having something you can actually measure to know you’ve achieved it
Aligned with values – okay, this one usually reads ‘achievable’ but I think ‘realistic’ has that covered so I’ve changed this one. I think aligning our goals to our core values is the best way to make sure we don’t drift into places we’d rather not go. We’re also much more motivated to achieve something that aligns with our values.
Realistic – it needs to be actually achievable; I know I’m never going to be a world class gymnast for example. The trick with this one is not underestimating yourself.
Time bound – SMART goals have a finish date.
An example of a SMART goal would be something like this:
I will attend two yoga classes every week for the next six months in pursuit better health.
SMART goals are great. They help you to turn something like ‘I want to be healthier’ into a specific plan of action. But they are not the only kind of goal.
I’m also a fan of having a kind of vision for the whole of life. This isn’t about answering the great philosophical questions about life, the universe and everything. It’s about each of us deciding what we want our life to stand for.
Some of us have a really clear idea about this. I have a close friend whose life focus is all about family. I have another that want’s to leave the planet in better shape. And there’s no reason you couldn’t do both.
I think of these broader goals as being a kind of context. They give our lives a sort of general direction. SMART goals are the steps towards achieving those overarching goals.
I also think there’s something to be said for going with the flow. I don’t think you’d have much of a life if you did this exclusively, but there’s whole chunks of life that benefit from being uncertain, from being open to interesting possibilities and from letting circumstances take you to unexpected places.
Sometimes our goals can be self-limiting. Sometimes we can be so focused on achieving something that we forget about all of those activities that aren’t goal focuses. It can be fun and interesting to let chance, circumstances or other people direct our lives from time to time.
I appreciate that ‘letting go’ or ‘being creative’ might actually be a goal but there’s also something to be said for just waiting to see where the day takes you from time to time.
What ever kind of goal setting you do, it should be a source of inspiration rather than a rod for your own back. These models are meant to help us live better lives, not to punish us with unreasonable deadlines and harsh expectations. We should set our goals gently.
It’s also good to remember that we’ve been through a period of time when it was enough to just get through the day. And the world did not fall apart without us. Somehow, everything that needed to get done still got done. Or it didn’t, and that was fine too.
Perhaps one of the risks of recovery is that we’ll try to play catch up, or that we’ll be so mindful of the limited nature of life that we’ll try to cram in as much as possible. Getting the balance right can be a challenge. I think that’s why taking the occasional day to go with the flow can be so beneficial.
I am deeply grateful that I’m able to finally make plans for the future again. I’ve set some big goals and some SMART steps to achieve them. I’m also remembering to stop and smell the roses.
Comments
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@positive3negative my current goal is to NOT suffer and Xeloda sife effects!! I am very stubborn & refuse to... I WILL NOT be stopped running by sore feet..
Cate
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I'm just focussing on the next 2 years at present.
- Finish my reconstruction by the end of this year.
- return to healthy weight range within next 6 months
-focus on my fitness and return to light weight training 2 days per week
- start a local peer support network for women with breast cancer ...this is a 2 year plan. I'll know nore after the BCNA summit meeting how I might do that.
- Return to full time work within 12 months.2 -
I'm well into my 4th year post diagnosis and my first year was about keeping positive and "normal". Since then my to do list has been as follows:
Join a gym and go regularly - now into my third year.
Find a not too picky choir and sing (like singing, out of practice and lousy sight reader) - almost a year
Don't be afraid of travelling (I have a few long term side effects) - have added Denmark, Iceland and Germany to my list of places travelled too and planning Spain
Work a bit less - moved to 4 days a week
Next is mastering the ukulele!!
Always good to have a goal!2 -
I'd love to work less just can't afford it...and singing is on my list too but maybe in my next goal setting 1
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Working less very slightly reduced my tax!! Reduces my income too but it's manageable. Let's face it, 10 to 12 hour days, 5 days a week and sometimes weekends is not part of a long term sustainable work life! Just took me a long time, plus a year doing that while having treatment, to get it in my head. Slow learner.1
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Thanks to everyone for sharing your inspirational comments!
Afraser, I hear you. I remember when I cut back to three days a week many years ago after my daughter was born I was surprised to see that the financial impact was less than I expected. In addition to moving me into a better tax bracket, I didn't have the costs associated with the long commute and bought lunch. We also socialised less because of the baby and resisted the temptation to fill the house with loads of baby stuff. I realised that saving money was good value, because I was saving after tax dollars. That dollar had already cost me whatever I'd paid in tax so saving $20 a week was the equivalent of getting more than a $30 before tax pay rise! I've been happily frugal ever since.
There's an inspirational site called 'becoming minimalist' which encourages me to live with less and less. I still have a house full of stuff of course! But I have much less stuff than I used to and I am working at reducing it every year. This not only saves me money it makes me happier. Cancer has helped me to become much clearer about what really matters to me. It's not more stuff!1 -
im about to have my second operation in 7 months, my goals are to get through it as well as possible and to look forward to celebrating my 50th birthday in july with family. we are planning a 2 week trip to my parents, daughter and a sister in gosford and my inlaws in brisbane, than back to melbourne to spend time with my son in melbourne. on way back to melbourne i will be going to see my brother in law and nieces and nephew and to visit my sisters grave as she sadly passed away last september from secondary cancer. once operation and treatment is over my main goal is to lose weight so im healthier. i know its a long journey but i was hoping i would of been over this journey by now but seeing a second surgeon after my follow up mammogram she seems to think the cancer is still in me after my first operation last august, so im ready to do it all again and kick its butt this time. 2
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I will get a new job. And I'll finish my degree. I'm going to get back on my old horse-- I was feeling sorry for him and retired him a couple of years. The old bugger is fitter than I am, we can poddle up the road being tragic codgers together.1
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I too learnt this SMART Goal at Epworth Freemasons Rehab Course I attended over 6 weeks, it was fantastic! @Cate uuugh damn feet!!! You know 3 weeks off Arimidex and my feet arent SORE!!!! 3 more weeks then have to take it again and have a meeting with the Onc, but to be honest, I dont want to switch to another with more side effects OMG never ends does it!!!???
@positive3negative you mentioned I also worked at caring for my husband and daughter as best I could and avoiding ‘it’s all about me’ syndrome. I actually have to say for me?? this journey taught me that it was about ME...it didnt affect my care for my children, but I gave myself permission finally to put me first, best lesson out of this whole journey and so so important. As Mums we are nurturers to everyone else...but forget ourselves. Ive always been quite determined in general but realised through this whole thing it wasnt about pushing myself to do anything at all but listen to myself my body and heal. Everyone is so different. Having had a recurrence and I never thought I would knocked me for a six at the 4 year mark up until then I never stopped making goals and moving forward, this however stopped me. As I move forward now, again, all clear, healthy and moving on all be it shuffling still after surgery LOL, keep those goals happening and just live I say and be happy. Hugs Melinda xo1 -
That's the thing @melclarity: loving and living life and being happy...although this ain't a 'SMART' goal it's a bloody smart one. 1
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Being content in your own environment!1
