check up

rowdyrowdy Member Posts: 1,165
Today I went for my yearly check up. With  a big sigh of relief all good for another year.
My problem is during treatment my husband was so supportive and in tune to my visits. Well now it is 3 years on he hasn't even asked me how I went today. I might love him but I can still call him a JERK.
I struggle with the whole support while going through treatment and then as time goes by I'm healthy and don't need any support.
Annoyed, pissed off want to punch him.
Sorry for the rant but some of you get what I'm saying, I hope everyone is well today
Thanks for listening


  • primekprimek Broken HillMember Posts: 4,419
    Oh yes. I went to my appointment kniwing they were probably going to stop my treatment alone. He did call me though from work ...but it's not the same.
  • AfraserAfraser MelbourneMember Posts: 1,634
    It's hard I know but we all went through a lot of wishing to be "back to normal". So did our partners probably! So not so surprising that now we do seem to be back to normal, they go back to the old patterns. Except we haven't really. We are either still coping with changes or we have embraced a new normal, that says we will never really stop thinking about cancer, and we sort of expect our partners to be sensitive to that too. Not sure what the long term answer is - my partner got very early bowel cancer diagnosed (3 years after me, excellent prognosis). No, that's NOT the answer but it did make him more sensitive - to his changes : )  - not necessarily mine! Short term, it's more telling I think. I know it would be nice if our partners didn't always need to be told, but ............
  • SoldierCrabSoldierCrab Bathurst NSW Member Posts: 2,469
    I agree with Afraser.... MEN dont think like we do ..... to them, they often think.... ok well treatment is over life is back to normal and they dont realise the stress we carry each time we are due for a review.... YES be frustrated with him and maybe communicate to him ... Hey honey today my review was good but shit the stress of going was horrible.    None of us are mind readers....  I dont have a partner to do that. I went through my BC roller coaster with my 3 children and they are very receptive to my emotions as I approach each review now... but we talk about it and They tell me when I am being antzy because they realise I sometimes dont realise I am being antzy..... 

    Tell him how you feel, I am sure he has absent mindedly thought "oh she is well now so she likes being independent so I will just go about the day as we would normally."

    Hugs and energy.....
  • socodasocoda LeumeahMember Posts: 1,695
    Hey Rowdy, First off Congratulations on your Three Years - Wooohoooooo!!! You go girl - that's fantastic!!!!! Secondly go out and buy yourself a celebration cake and when your hubby asks why the cake tell him! That way you get cake and he'll get the point (and if he doesn't THEN punch him!! ;) ) . Big hugs Xx Cath
  • rowdyrowdy Member Posts: 1,165
    Thanks ladies I struggle to talk to my husband. I know we are all different but there is only the 2 of us at home and I just don't get why he can't ask. I have a diary on the bench so he can't say he dosen't know. I'm sick of making excuses for him. Yep i think a punch in the head is a good idea. Still a jerk at the moment.
    Have a good day everyone
  • iserbrowniserbrown Regional VictoriaMember Posts: 2,511
    Hi Rowdy - sorry to hear you don't feel like the support is there in the review process but hey we are your support!   Not sure perhaps he is in denial in that he thinks treatments are all over everything is hunky dory! 
    We get it!  We all have it filed ready for the next review and as it approaches all those thoughts and concerns that we had on our all consuming health event are at the forefront and won't be filed again until we get the see you in 12 months words!

    Take care xx
  • Brenda5Brenda5 Burrum Heads, QldMember Posts: 2,021
    Men a just weird creatures sometimes and honestly I wonder sometimes how we co-exist with each other yet it seems to work and we do, go figure.

    I had a tooth aching and complained about it for weeks before I realised it wasn't going to get better by itself so I googled around to find a dentist and rang for an appointment. The soonest was 3 weeks to get in. I wasn't really sure where this dentists office was so googled the address ready to give hubby directions on where to drive me. He pipes up and says, yeah I know where it is, I had a tooth fixed ages ago there. I said you never told me that. He said, you were going through all the breast cancer stuff and didn't want to add to your worry. I felt kind of cheated that he hadn't shared with me about it before. Was I that self involved I didn't notice his troubles? Makes me feel bad.
  • Brenda5Brenda5 Burrum Heads, QldMember Posts: 2,021
    Darn it! I forgot to post comment and lost it. God I am hopeless lately. Congrats on passing another milestone without cancer. Hugz. <3
  • AfraserAfraser MelbourneMember Posts: 1,634
    Don't feel bad - but there's a lovely example of someone being so considerate he didn't even point out he was being considerate!!
  • melclaritymelclarity Member Posts: 3,078
    Hey Rowdy!! Congrats on the 3yrs Woohoo!!! Fantastic news!!! and Hubby?? uuugh you know what ive found is, they are matter of fact, like the others have said, you get through treatment you look normal so you must be normal again end of story for them really. To them there isnt anything to fix and thats what they like to do lol. Alot can lack sensitivity and I know my partner, great as he was through treatment I cant talk to him about this whole thing because he's very much 'get on with it and life' type of person, which is great but...not just through this experience but I learnt I couldnt expect anything especially when I was married not all men think the way we do and alot just dont have the emotional capacity right or wrong. My ex husband was a wonderful lovely man...but....emotionally devoid made it very difficult. So Ive learnt in life now, go to the people who can give that. Yes I hear nice for him to at least acknowlege it all and I agree! Hugs xo Oh enjoy ADELE lucky girl!!!!!! 
  • mum2jjmum2jj Member Posts: 3,546
    Hey Rowdy, CONGRATULATIONS!!! on your check up.  If it helps my husband is a bit the same, such a rock through two lots of treatment but not so good on the support afterwards.  I know by the time my treatment had finished he told me he was so emotionally drained which makes him sound like a jerk.  However I also think it is very hard to be the one watching the one you love suffer.  However lets not make excuses it is nice to be asked how everything went etc.
    Sending you a hug,
    Paula xx
  • rowdyrowdy Member Posts: 1,165
    Thank you ladies update is on Thursday he asked me did I have a appointment with surgen. i said I went on Wednesda.
    I told him that is why I;m annoyed with him, his answer was that if anything wrong I would tell him. My reply was no I wouldn't have told him. He still didn;t ask me how it went. So he is still a jerk and dosen't get it.
    Thanks so much for listening  xx
  • SoldierCrabSoldierCrab Bathurst NSW Member Posts: 2,469
     <3 hugs
  • melclaritymelclarity Member Posts: 3,078
    Grrrr yeah Id be really annoyed I have to say...MEN!!! some are thoughtful, some are not and sometimes its not that they dont care, they just dont think! xo
  • RNSWRNSW Central Coast NSW Member Posts: 121
    Happy to hear your check up went well. I understand what you mean people in general think you don't need support after treatment, but I think it's important cos it is a hard thing for us to live with even when we get good news xo
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