Not sure how to react, what to expect...

fate81fate81 Member Posts: 3
Hi Everyone.
My name is Laura. I am 34 years old and about 6 weeks ago I found a small lump in my left breast, after ultrasound and biopsy it turns out it was breast cancer. I had two surgeries to get clear margins and lymphnodes were taken out but clear. I will start radiotherapy soon (hopefully the genetic testing is negative) and I am due for a course of anti hormonal therapy for at least five years, one injection a month and tablets everyday. 
I left my husband months ago as I was in an abusive relationship, at the time I thought if I still had a chance to have kids I wanted to have them with the right partner. Fast forward to a few months later and I find myself with the oncologist telling me that I can either choose to have my ovaries removed or if I still want to have children then do the anti hormonal therapy for minimum 2-3 years then stop it just to get pregnant with a risk of the cancer recurring while I am off the tablets...
I feel cheated, worried, uncertain about the future at times, especially when I discuss the situation deeply with somebody, I look at pregnant women or small babies and I can't help but feel emotional within a few seconds believing that I will never experience that. At the same time I feel guilty because I know people who have been diagnosed with cancer, are going through tougher therapies or don't have long to live so I think I don't have the right to feel upset or complain...I try not to think about it but I am not sure if I am actually pushing it all away hoping it is not true...


  • SoldierCrabSoldierCrab Bathurst NSW Member Posts: 2,467
    Hello Laura, sorry to have to welcome you to the forum but rest assured you can ask us anything, we are here to support each other.
    You need to catch your breath, what a lot happening altogether for you...but you will get thru this by doing one thing at a time, I want to encourage you about taking the huge step to leave the abusive relationship that tells me you are stronger than you realise. Its ok to be angry at all these sudden choices being thrown at you...
    Of course you are going to be upset allow yourself the expressions be it tears, anger etc it is healthy to let our angry out or our tears... you can vent here we understand. 
    Alice aka soldier crab 
  • Tracey62Tracey62 Gold CoastMember Posts: 298
    Hi Laura, it must be hard to go through a relationship breakup then find out about the bc. I would read posts where women were supported by their hubbies and I would feel so alone. But there are a lot of us on this site who have battled and beaten bc without a partner. Come here for someone to talk to and you will always find someone who understands. We can't compare how "bad" our experience is against what others are going through. It's just awful for all of us. You have no reason to feel guilty on top of everything else you have to deal with.  This is the time to think about looking after yourself, you are worth it <3 Keep in touch, Tracey xx
  • Ann-MarieAnn-Marie Member Posts: 1,158
    edited October 2016
    @fate81 it's never easy welcoming new members to the online network. The members here will be able to provide you with the support you need so please ask as many questions as you need to. Have you received the "My Journey Kit" yet? If there is anything I can help you with please just let me know.
  • socodasocoda LeumeahMember Posts: 1,691
    Hi Laura, Congratulations on leaving the abusive relationship, it must have been a very hard decision to make. Also sorry that you've had your diagnosis and ended up joining our site. I just wanted to let you know that the cancer council offer counselling services 131120 might be an idea to call to help with the fertility worries, you have a lot on your plate at the moment and it might help to talk to a counsellor to try and allay your fears. Wishing you all the best. Xx Cath
  • SoldierCrabSoldierCrab Bathurst NSW Member Posts: 2,467
    Just to add to Socoda post you are entitled to get an enhanced primary care  form from your GP or team, which will allow you to see a psychologist free of charge, normally. 
  • Hopes_and_DreamsHopes_and_Dreams Gold CoastMember Posts: 752
    Hi Laura - welcome ..... but so sorry you have reason to join us and that you have such difficult choices to make.  You are clearly a very strong women given you had the courage to leave your abusive marriage.  You should never feel guilty - how we cope with cancer is such a personal thing and we all just need to do what we can to get through it.   As the other ladies have said, you will always find support and someone to listen here.  Sending you my thoughts and best wishes, Jane x
  • primekprimek Broken HillMember Posts: 4,406
    Hi Laura. We all grieve with the diagnosis and treatment of breast cancer. The changes of our life. The life we were planning. The change to our bodies. I would say most of us feel cheated in life with what has happened. But eventually, slowly there is hope again. And planning life again. Acknowledge that you have every reason to feel sad. Let the tears flow. Eventually though, life will start to move forward. ..and hopefully for you this will mean finding a new supportive partner and a chance of a family. Hope the rest of your treatment goes well. Take care. Kath x
  • TonyaMTonyaM Member Posts: 2,530
    Hi Laura,
    You poor love-what a horrible time you've had.You are so young to have to face an abusive marriage and then a breast cancer diagnosis. Life can be unfair but you will get through all this and hopefully have good times ahead.Ofcourse you feel cheated and worried about ever having a baby.It's normal so don't feel guilty.All bc treatments are awful so you have every right to have a sook/a whinge/ a vent. We have a lady in our support group who was your age when she got bc.She had to have chemo as well but went onto to have a baby after treatment.That was about 5 yrs ago and she is still ok.Just ask lots of questions and gather all the info you need to make informed decisions.Sending hugs,Tonya xx
  • fate81fate81 Member Posts: 3
    Thank you everyone for your support. It's good to know I am not alone and I can share feelings and experiences with people who are going through something similar ❤
  • InkPetalInkPetal You are valuable, beautiful, extraordinary.Member Posts: 487
    The idea of not being able to have children hit me really hard too. I went through preservation harvest and when my genetics came back negative opted not to have my ovaries removed. 
    There are a lot of things to think on, a lot of chaos to navigate, and we'll be here every step of the way.
  • MelhayMelhay Member Posts: 157
    Hello Fate81,
    Very sorry for the reason you've found yourself on this network but I can assure you that you're in good company here.
    You are absolutely entitled to feel cheated, worried, uncertain about the future & what's more, it's absolutely normal given everything that's happened in your life so far. 
    Keep asking questions here & of your health care team & don't deny yourself time & space to grieve. Most importantly you need to focus on taking care yourself physically & emotionally - however that looks like for you right now. 

    Mel xxx
  • Ro10Ro10 Sunshine Coast, QLDMember Posts: 59
    Hi Laura, so sorry to hear of your diagnosis, especially after having left an abusive relationship. You are a lot stronger than you realise and that will help you to get through this journey. There are a lot of lovely, supportive women on this site who can help you get through this as they understand first hand what it's like to actually have breast cancer and go through the treatments. I am also 34 years old and have had that discussion about fertility before I started my chemo which is something I never thought I would have to face at 34 years old! I am only 5 days into my first chemo treatment so I still have a long road ahead but so far so good.
    My surgeon told me a lot of women go through cancer treatment and then go on to have healthy pregnancies so that is still a possibility for you, especially as you are still young and have many fertile years ahead of you. I was also terrified at the possibility of my cancer returning if I was to get pregnant but both my surgeon and oncologist said this is actually quite rare - yes it can happen but it's not common. You could look at getting a second opinion about fertility options as I have found opinions differ a lot between medical professionals. 
    There are a few women on this site in the 20's and 30's age group that you may be able to reach out to to as we understand the issues that young women face when diagnosed with breast cancer. However, I have found all the women here to be wonderfully supportive and understanding, regardless of their age. 
    Take care xxx
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