I'm a newbie
Living a nightmare. DX 26 June IDC stage 2....WTF!!! This can't be happening to me.......reality check......it really is happening and I'm not going to wake up from this nightmare to what my life was. I'm going to wake up to a whole new world, one which I'm scared I can't navigate through. It feels like an endless road with nowhere to get off, nowhere to stop and take a breather. I don't want to prepare myself for surgery although I know I have to, I just don't know how. Will I lose my identity because I'm losing a breast? Will part of who I am be lost when my breast is gone? I don't know and there's no way to find out. Will I have the courage to allow my partner to see me as I will be? Will I be able to look at myself?? So many questions that I have no answers to, that no one else can answer for me. Fear of the unknown keeps my brain in overdrive and renders me sleepless most nights :-(
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HI Aussie Oi
Yes we all hate this forced choices of Breast Cancer and the unknown please let us help you Vent ask and get some reassurances that you can get through this with support from loved ones and on here.
I will let you know I was diagnosed back in sept 2012 Triple Negative BC grade 3.... I am cancer free now.
I chose a double mastectomy and then chemo and radiation .with NO reconstruction.. that was my choice in the decision making. This community here on BCNA is great at listening supporting and sharing the ups and downs of this horrible journey none of us would chose if we had a choice.
Please ask for advice. Do you have a MY Journey Kit ? you can order them here on BCNA
Do you have a breast care nurse have you been put in touch with her?
have you got support at home?
Remember breathe in and breathe out .... and only bite off the chunk you need to each day.
we are all a friendly bunch who are happy to share encourage cry and vent with each other
Happy to chat and message privately if you need to do that...
Hope to be able to chat with you more
Soldier Crab
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Welcome to the site, yes it is a shock to our lives to be told you have bc. The docs stand there and tell you and all you can do is sit there in disbelief, did I hear right.
Your questions yes you still are you, your breasts are a part of you but they don't define who you are. I can't tell you how your partner will react, i can only tell you about my experience. I started my trip in early 2014, over 2 years I had chemo and herceptin also 7 surgeries which included a mastectomy and reconstruction My scars ar fading, I was only looking at them this morning.thinking how much they have faded. I can honestly say yes it has changed my life but I'm still here with good days and bad. I'm back at work and trying to enjoy every day.
Try and take it one day at a time we never know what tomorrow will bring, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Take care visit often lots of people on this site at diffrent stages and a understanding of how you are feeling xx
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You can get through this. I had a mastectomy nearly 30 years ago. Yes I lost my breast but I didn't loose my life. If you choose to have a reconstruction done, great results can be had. I didn't have a reconstruction for over 2 years but once I did I was happy. Please try and stay positive.
Julie
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Hi Aussie - yep, it's a terrible, awful, dreadful shock. I will pass on the best piece of advice I was given - by a nurse - you just have to take it one day and one step at a time. You will get through it. You can navigate it. You will find support. You'll go on a roller coaster for a while as you deal with the surgery and the aftermath, but the physical stuff will then begin to settle down, and you'll be able to deal with the emotional stuff. As far as you can, I'd park the emotional stuff until you've dealt with the physical. I found I just couldn't deal with it all at once. You're probably still in shock - it can take months to wear off - so just focus on what you really need to focus on, which is the surgery. Yes, it's very sad to lose a breast, I did, but you will get used to it, and realise that it was part of you, but it's not who you are. It will take time to get used to the 'new you', and may take a bit of time for your partner to get accustomed too. But work on it together and you will get there. One thing I did after 6 months: a very challenging walk over a mountain in NZ. When I got to the end, I realised I had reclaimed my body from months of medical probing. It was a very powerful feeling. It helped enormously in me getting myself back together physically. And yes, I had difficulty looking at myself in the mirror for a time, but I have adjusted. I also have a new partner who really doesn't give a toss about the look of my reconstructed breasts. Do seek counselling too - it can really help with the physical, mental and emotional adjustments. We've all walked the road you're starting on, and we've all got through it in our own way. You will too. Trust me. Take care of yourself, xx
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The beginning of this journey just sets your head in a spin , you will have many sleepless nights. You will have many fears and you will have many unknowns. We all do. But you are stronger than you think. You are more than a breast. Yes it is a huge part of your sexual being but you can and will adapt. Reconstruction is possible to help with that. Take each step at a time and deal with the emotions as they surface. Allow them to flow over you, acknowledge them and then they will settle again. Reach out to family, friends and your treating team. Allow them to walk you through this difficult journey. We are here to listen abd answer questions you might have. Kath x
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Hi Aussie,
It is a shocking time to go through. Lots of questions, uncertainty, anxiety, shock and fear all happening at the same time. You will work your way through all of the stress, you will get your answers, it will take time. First and foremost you need to be able to find something to de-stress whether it's a hobby, meditation, exercise - whatever it is, hopefully something you enjoy doing so that you can actually take in the information that is given to you. If possible take someone to your appointments with you so that they can make notes and provide a second set of ears to conversations and write down any questions or worries that you have so you don't forget to ask them when you are at those appointments. You have already done one of the best things you can possibly do by joining this network. Soooo much experience, knowledge, information and compassion from the ladies on this site who very generously share their own journey's and provide support wherever they can. Please utilise this site - it does help!! All the best Xx Cath
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Hi Aussie, yes it's nightmare alright! I've been on this crap journey twice. The first time was in 2003 when I had a lumpectomy and radiation. Bc came back in 2010 so I had to have a mastectomy and chemo.At first I was ok about losing a breast because I just wanted the cancer gone.I won't lie- it takes abit of getting used to on many levels.Down the track, you and your partner will figure out the intimacy thing. We are all different and for me,I don't do naked anymore but the sex is fine.I didn't lose my identity until I lost my hair.But,like everything in life, you get your head around it after awhile and muddle through.It may help to join a support group in your area? I run one in Sydney. Keep posting and ask any questions- it's a scary time and we know what you are going through.Tonya x
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Hi Aussie,
The shock of diagnosis is numbing....your mind surrounds you in a protective fog.....unfortunately we've all been there, some still going through the motions of treatment and such....You will be amazed at yourself and what you are able to endure...You will feel every emotion a million times in a day....
The waiting and the unknown are sometimes worse than the diagnosis itself I found.... Surround yourself with a strong support network.....ask lots and lots of questions....write them down...write the answers down....take someone with you to your appointments...an extra set of ears always helps! Did I say ask lots of questions? Trust your medical team....but most of all breathe, I mean really breathe...take time to listen to yourself.....If you want to scream....scream if you want to cry then cry.....you will have days when you don't want to talk to anyone....you will have days swimming in the grey....you must be aware of how easy it is to slip form the grey into the black....if you feel this happening, seek help!
a clear and calm mind is vital! I found keeping a journal and writing a blog for my family and friends was a good way for me to get things of my chest and to keep everyone informed......take it day by day, hour by hour if need be.
Our experiences are all different but the same...We are here to listen and prop each other up...strangers bound together by one thread.....
Be kind to yourself....breathe.......best wishes and love and light to you
Tracy
Stay strong|breathe|believe
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Hello Aussie'
Im a newbie too. My surgery is due Aug 4th and Im trying to cram as much into my free time as I can before then. Ive been finishing off knitting and sewing projects cos I just dont know how Ill be post op. Ive just started sleeping a bit better but my first week or so were dreadful .Im lucky that my work is being really supportive and will allow me to work on any days that I feel like it. The ladies on this site are great and you can ask all the dumb questions you like! Good luck with it all and maybe we can chat again soon
Adrienne
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Hi there,
yes it is a huge shock, so confronting and very, very scary. Once you know what you are dealing with and the treatments you are having, it will seem a little less scary and you will know exactly what you have to do to get through this. Breasts, hair and the like don't actually define who we are. You will find the strength to get through as you don't have any choice. Everyone's bc, treatment and how they cope with it all is different and their own journey however, on here there is always someone who has been through similar and who truly understands. It won't all be smooth sailing, and the support you will receive here will be invaluable. Take one step at a time, one appointment at a time and you will get through. We all experience the fear of the unknown and sometimes it is as bad as we feared but you do get through it. I had idc grade 1 stage 3. Lumpectomy, 6 months chemo, 33 radiotherapy sessions and 12 months of herceptin. I survived (and there were days that I didn't think I would get through) and am slowly getting my life back. Plan some nice relaxing things for yourself in between times. Take care and don't forget to breathe. Take care. Karen xox
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I hear where you are coming from, I was feeling (and still am) just the way you are. Its one hell of an inconvenience to your life. Do your research and get as much info as you can on what your options are on dealing with breast cancer. Make sure go get support cause that is what will help you get through all this.
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It's a terrible shock and hard to adjust to. The treatment is difficult but you get through it. I have learn that hair will grow back and a lot of things that once seemed important aren't really. Having love, support and acceptance is what counts.
I had a lumpectomy with big scars. At first my husband didn't want to look at my breast or touch it. I wasn't offended, he was and is a wonderful support. He is getting used to it now. It just takes time. I feel no less a woman. Now I am a brave warrior woman.
The good thing about breast cancer is that the path ahead is usually well known to the doctors and nurses, you really just have to turn up. People will look after you. Not always the friends you thought would be there for you, but amazing other friends and wonderful doctors, nurses, counsellors etc. I have learnt we are much stronger than we realise, we can do surgery, chemo, radiation, hormone tablets. We don't like it sometimes, even hate it, but we do it. We don't have to be happy or like it, we just have to turn up. Being grateful helps a bit. Take all the medication they offer you. There is a happy life after this for many women, but of course, not all. Good luck Karen
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Sorry yet another lady needs surgery. Looking at the practical side of things, have you seen a McGrath nurse yet? Before surgery mine fitted me for a free bra with inserts, gave me a zonta pillow homemade from volunteers and a drain bag, also made by local volunteers.
I wasn't really sure what to expect in hospital or with surgery but trust me, you adapt and muddle through. The pillow to support your arm and the drain bag were vital to my recovery.
Tips, don't have a heavy bath sheet towel, get a lighter one to use one handed and hang it low for easy access. Teach your partner how you want washing hung or you are going to have to stand on a box to do pegging for a few months. In regards to your partner seeing post surgery, that's between you and him. I didn't flash mine around too much but I did take personal photos which I think my husband 8months later has just viewed. It will take both of you a while to get comfortable with the new you but we all adapt.
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