Things i need
So its day 7 post round 2.After another day of analysis by those nearest and dearest I have awoken with an epiphany.
So my other half keep's saying "oh you re bottling it up. You re stressed.you need to talk to someone" since the second we discovered this pain in the ass. This happens about 3-4 times a day. (Have you ever realised that sometimes you re told something so much you start to believe it?)
So this has turned into more of a battle to a certain extent than anything else. My background was working in a high level a & e dept. Now that s stress and I can t even begin to discuss what we dealt with there on a daily basis.!!
I'm a fairly stubborn strong willed person.don t get me wrong i m just as terrified as you are that all this treatment might be for nothing. But I have realised this morning I have been fighting the wrong fight since being diagnosed. I ve been fighting my family to convince them I m not stressed and I don t need to speak to professionals. I need to fight this disease.
So, with that in mind. I have a list of needs to help me get through this. I need hugs, I need to have positive people around me (moupers just go away, you re draining me), I need fun, singing, dirty jokes, sarcasm, cups of tea, cream cakes yum, my kids being daft and having fun, fresh air, exercise, food, a holiday plan!!
I do not need to be patronized, told i m stressed every too seconds, told i m doing too much when all i want to do is catch up on some uni notes, smothered, or be treated like a leaper.
I m still Maggi. I m still here in a baldy more aggressivswearing more form. But it s still me. I still like being sarcastic and inappropriately funny. I still take pride in my appearance which is why losing my hair broke my heart. But it was a good thing to cry about it..i should not be getting told my reaction was inappropriate. I ve had my hair all my life. It ll come back no doubt curlier and wilder but i miss her. More than my titty let me tell you...but we ll get there.
Just people, chill and stop judging me.if i m not ok i will say. Yes I ve got/had cancer its cut out.chemo sucks but i need you all to support me and say...christ you re doing well not are you finding it difficult do you think you re coping?not productive people.
Be happy be positive be strong..most of all be true to yourself
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hi Maggi,
I hear you, I am the silly one the funny one etc etc.
I wore onesies to chemo treatment my kids bought me furry hats (teenage style Lions cats bears etc) I painted my nails in my style to keep the chemo demons away from losing the nails. I kept the nurses laughing through my treatment with my antics... was I in denial NO I was living through the Sh*t that treatment is..... in my own way.
now down the track I have sought my own counselling about the changes that treatment has enforced on my life.
Ask for the hugs ( I do constantly now I am 3 yrs since treatment) Cancer can't stop you being Maggi, so do what works for you
Hugs and laughter
Soldier Crab
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Hi Mirvine
Keep telling that family that all you really need are their hugs, their patient listening, their care. You may be stressed but they can relieve that stress on you.... no counsellors necessary. All that needs to happen is that they show you they care....hugs, cups of tea, sitting with you, reading you the newspaper or reading you a book. You will soon lose that stress that seems to worry them so and it will be all their doing!
Keep telling them until they understand. Although I have found this blog site to offer enormous help because people on here just ' get it'.
Very best wishes and lots of hugs, jennyho
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Hi! You're on the right track - it is about you and how you want to roll. Family and friends are a vital cog on the journey but they shouldn't assume we all fit into their mould of how a breast cancer patient is!
Be yourself and give them the cues to laugh or cry around you.
Be kind to yourself! Also sometimes those around you are still coming to terms with what is going on and react in a way that can be unexpected
Take care
Christine
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Yay to you! Your post made me laugh as it's exactly how I feel. Fun, sarcasm, jokes, cups of tea, good food and lots of laughter have got me through four months of chemo. That and an oncologist, friends and family who appreciate the same. I simply don't have the energy for others who, although well intentioned, are extremely patronising.
Cancer hasn't changed me as a person and my coping mechanisms are pretty much the same. I have good days and bad days and if I need help I ask.
I have no doubt you will get there! On your terms! You've got this!
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I am sure you are stressed...aren't we all.? It certainly is different from work stress though...it's not that immediate gotta do this now type thing...but that back of your mind worrying you when you try to sleep type thing. However crying is normal. I balled when my great chunks of hair fell out....I didn't cry when I looked at my mastectomy reconstruction scars though. I cried at my portacath scar though. Sometimes I cry for no reason I believe except the effects chemo is having on my seretonin levels. Little things can make me cry. Yet big stuff doesn't. But...as long as we can talk it through. As long as we can get reasonable sleep, find joy in our day and want to socialise when we feel well..., then hell we are doing okay. I am now hat and scarf obsessed. I spend more time on my appearance than I did with hair, lol. I'm writing this with a panda hat on, lol. You'll know when or if you need an outsider to talk too. Just tell your family like I did...sonetimes I just need a hug. Grievibg for our old life is normal. Stay strong. Kath x
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Hi
i also was the silly one who dressed up silly for treatments, laughed, chatted to everyone and bought morning tea for the whole onc day unit. I didn't want to be miserable. I didn't want the people around me to be miserable. I had my moments when it all came tumbling down, particularly after I finished treatment but I did what I had to to get through. Maybe your family are concerned because you aren't reacting the way they think you should. But the fact is you are doing what you need to to get through. Let your family know exactly what you've told us. They may still not get it but it's worth a try. Hang in there. Karen xox
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Mirvine
GOOD FOR YOU!! You're doing so well, keep going. What we are all doing is incredible.
I keep reminding myself: girl, this is your journey. show them how you do it.
That's what I want my kids and everyone to remember when they think about the time when mum had cancer - that I was a momma bear like I always am when the chips are down.
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Thanks for your wonderful, uplifting post! I hope I can get through the next few months being positive and amazing just like you!
I'm still fairly new at all this - diagnosed just over 1 month ago, now recovering from bilateral mastectomy and first oncologist appt is on monday. I'm being told by everyone how amazing I am and how wonderful my attitude is, and while that's a boost to the ego, I'm still surprised when they say it - what else am I supposed to do? I'm not breast cancer, I'm just me, and I'm going to be a bigger and better me through this and after this. I'm having fun showing everyone my temporary knockers, laughing about always being flat chested so there's no difference, etc etc. I'm tired of hearing everyone telling me to rest and take care of myself - I go crazy sitting around doing nothing, always have and always will, why should that change! I love doing things, not doing nothing, so don't stop me! I know what I can and can't do after this surgery, I won't be stupid, but I can do stuff. I do need reassurance and lots of hugs, lots of laughs and friends. I need people to treat me like they always have, not avoid me or be afraid to talk to me. I'm still the same me, just have a flatter chest and a few appointments to go to, that's all.
Stay awesome and amazing!! Donna
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I miss my hair too, I have a couple of lovely long wigs but gee I miss MY hair. Keep being your fabulous self, it's what will get you through the shittiness of it all.
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Just wanted to say..you rock!!
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