I know what you mean... I felt the same - I am 44 and with rubbish health all I could think was "Seriously? The big guy upstairs felt I needed yet another challenge?!"
Mine is grade 3 so means it is bloody agressive as it can get and even tough techmically I am stage 2 as the lymph node was clear and the tumor was 2.5cm in size they did find a 2nd tiny tumor in the margine so seeing there was a 2nd bastard hiding in there chance is there are others and since all I had was lumpectomy so it ia going to be Chemo then radiation then tamoxifen or similar....
I have many other health issues and am allergic to everything under the Sun so they all look at me like a ticking time bomb terrified I will drop dead on them when the Chemo starts so that "why me?" reared its ugly hwad a fair few times for me since my surgery which was on 31st March.
All I can say is I am kind of now resolved to pull through this and prove everyone wrong by not having any adverse reactions once Chemo starts (in 2 weeks) and I reckon I am stubborn enough to make my body comply.
I would also strongly suggest you wrote all your questions down before you meet with the surgeon for the results and have someone there both for support and so that they too listen to the information and if need be remind you to ask your questions and make sure you are comfortable with what the surgeon is advising.
Regardless of how prepared you are and regardless of how good or bad the news is it all is kind of a blur as you will be anxious and that appointment is the best time to ask questions and to make sure they are all answered. You need to completely understand your diagnosis and proposed treatment so having someone there will help.
I think I initially stuffed my self up a bit by being overly peppy and positive and to an extent did not allow myself to ask everything I should have asked as my coping mechnisam was to "not dwell on the bad stuff and be optimistic".
It did stuff me up where I failed to ask sufficient number of questions about the referral I was being given for the Oncologist as did not realise that was moving me out of the public system and the 'team approach' to my treatment. Fortunately for me 2 weeks later when I did see that Oncologist she having taken my history straight away said I was too complicated to go down that path and that the best option for me was the public hospital (due to my complicated health and potential for things to go wrong during Chemo) and that I should be under care of multidisciplinary team and not just an Oncologist. I do wish that I had asked more questions off the surgeon as I honestly did not realise referall given to me meant I would not be getting that as I never would have agreed. Now I have wasted 2 weeks as the oncologist then had to go away to organise my transfer to public and to start consulting with the rest of the panel. Had I asked sufficient questions during my surgeon post-op apppintment I never would have lost that time...
I am so with you - stay positive, have your fabulous haircut (I did the same by the way - decided that if I would lose my hair in a few weeks for God knows how long I was going to look good before that happened) and just take things one day at the time.
The main thing is that the cancer is out of your body now and all you need to concentrate on is getting the best outcome for you. So you make sure you do the right thing for you and allow yourself to feel whichever way you need to feel and remember everyone here has been through it already or is going through it same time as you so if you ever need to vent or bounce ideas off someone this is a great forum...
I have only joined a month ago but from various blogs have learned so much and they have helped me feel more confident and stronger about the whole.process. both the good and the bad of this whome BC thing that everyone is so kindly sharing is helping prepare for every eventuality so things can only go up from here on :)
Jel.