Emotions - the adventure begins

ScorpionQueenScorpionQueen Picton NSWMember Posts: 750
edited October 2016 in Newly diagnosed

Wow! I have a strong family history of breast cancer and other women's cancer, but I never really thought it would happen to me. It's been 16 days of shock, sadness, anger, tears and laughter. after a mammogram and ultrasound I was diagnosed with Infiltrating Lobular carcinoma on 25/12/15. Then I had to take that news and keep it inside, I had family for Christmas Day lunch. You see, my sister in laws mother had just been diagnosed with bowel cancer, so I didn't want to drag everyone down even further with my news. Christmas came and went in a blur, I had my core biopsy on New Years Eve. It was surreal to finally see it written in black and white.New Years Eve came and went. Saw the surgeon last week and because of my heart condition, pushed surgery back until he consulted with my cardio. My surgery is scheduled for Wednesday 13/1/16. Lumpectomy and sentinel lymph node biopsy I'm told is all that will happen then.Final, full results will be known 22/1/16. Until then I remain positive, angry, blown away by the disgusting, insensitive reaction of my own siblings, my sister in particular,What was i thinking by telling her she now has triple close blood relative genetics for breast cancer and to please remain vigilant?!! (thank God I have my husbands family) apprehensive and terrified all at the same time. 

So I'll sail through the next few days waiting for my surgery....until then xX

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Comments

  • Cook65Cook65 Member Posts: 733
    edited January 2016

    Hi, welcome to the site but I'm so sorry you have had to join us.   it's such an awful time on so many levels. The waiting, the not knowing, the dealing with others reactions.  Surround yourself with those who are going to support you. Unfortunately it seems to be that you will definitely learn who your real friends are at this time. 

    It will all seem to go in a blur until you know exactly what you are dealing with and what your treatment will be. It is very scary but breast cancer has a high survival rate and is very treatable. Treatment sucks but you will get through it, we all do, and you will receive lots of support from here. Try to plan something nice for yourself whilst you are waiting. Take one step at a time and one day at a time and you will get through this. Take care and all the very best for your surgery. Karen xox

  • rowdyrowdy Member Posts: 1,165
    edited January 2016

    Anger, sadness,tears and laughter is what I would call my emotions and more. I think for me the highs and lows of emotions is one of the hardest things.This is the trip that dosen't stop giving one day at a time is my motto  Your sister is in shock and terrified it could be her next time. Unfortunately some people don't know what to say, my older sister always told me how strong I was until one day I told her she needed to stop saying it because I was just trying to get to the end.

    Good luck with your surgeryxx

  • ScorpionQueenScorpionQueen Picton NSWMember Posts: 750
    edited January 2016

    Thanks Karen, xx

  • ScorpionQueenScorpionQueen Picton NSWMember Posts: 750
    edited January 2016

    Thanks Rowdy,

    Unfortunately my sister will never change and what makes it worse is she is a nurse! I have just finished nursing my dad through metastatic prostate cancer AND my mother in law, ,pancreatic cancer...they passed within one year of each other and not once did she lift a finger..... But me being me, i thought she would show something....anyways have to put that behind me and concentrate on ME!  Thanks for your support, and yes its an up and down ride for sure, but i'll hang in there I  hope......xx

     

  • ScorpionQueenScorpionQueen Picton NSWMember Posts: 750
    edited January 2016

    I usually turn to my art for therapy, but not in the right frame of  mind yet....it will come though and i will fight! thats for sure ...thanks for your support xx

     

  • Ruth BirdRuth Bird Member Posts: 79
    edited January 2016

    Hi scorpionqueen

    Sorry about your shock diagnosis.

    There is a lot of awfulness in diagnosis, waiting and subsequent treatment. But there can also be a lot of awfulness with relationships. Especially with immediate relatives. We might expect support and love and kindness, but some relies are shit at that.

    Not sure who recently posted this Ring Theory, but I think it's a great summary of what not to say to someone who has cancer (or any other rubbish diagnosis).

    http://articles.latimes.com/2013/apr/07/opinion/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407

    Just because they are related, you don't have to have anything to do with them. If you do, you can control your expectations of their rubbish abilities, although that's easier said than done.

    I had the same type of cancer as you diagnosed late last year, and wish you all the very best. You can do this. Surround yourself with good eggs and positive stuff. The crappy people can bugger off.

    x

  • Nicky NooNicky Noo Member Posts: 6
    edited January 2016

    Funny the people you think will help you most can sometimes be the ones you want to dump. A so - called friend just wanted to tell me how terrible life would be after she had such a bad time after her diagnosis with Ca breast, no supportive words just doom & gloom.

    Yet others have been terrific!! I have not had many of the lows, seemed to have coped very well thus far so hope you can keep on an even keel but keep your chin up & have a tear or two when u need to. 

    Good luck for Wed xx

  • ScorpionQueenScorpionQueen Picton NSWMember Posts: 750
    edited January 2016

    My thoughts exactly Ruth!  I know I'll have good and bad days, hopefully more good! I'm still coming to terms with it thats for sure, and am still getting used to all of the support, I'm usually the one rushing around looking after everyone else! But I have to take stock and realise "it's my turn to recieve" ... thanks for your support and I hope you are on the road to recovery xx

     

  • ScorpionQueenScorpionQueen Picton NSWMember Posts: 750
    edited January 2016

    Yes everyone is different. But I honestly dont know where I got my empathy from! Thanks xx

     

  • ScorpionQueenScorpionQueen Picton NSWMember Posts: 750
    edited January 2016

    I haven't really cried, except when my sister said she never wanted to hear from me again....that seemed to hurt more than hearing "you have cancer" .I was really angry yesterday but  my head is held high and my spirit is strong.....I WILL get through this! Xx

     

  • ScorpionQueenScorpionQueen Picton NSWMember Posts: 750
    edited January 2016

    The ring theory makes perfect sense.....maybe i should keep that up my sleeve!

     

  • iserbrowniserbrown Regional VictoriaMember Posts: 3,836
    edited January 2016

    Hi! Now it is time for you.

    The ring theory recommended reading by Ruth will hopefully help to put relationships into perspective.

    Good luck for Wednesday 

    Take care

  • iserbrowniserbrown Regional VictoriaMember Posts: 3,836
    edited January 2016

    Hi Christine - from one Christine to another - I agree wholeheartedly with your comments. 

    To be told by your dearest friend that you need to give up everything; obviously that is what she would do and for her to knock you when you tell her that the Assistant Surgeon visited and said Christine you look so well, you don't look like the patient; I've just had a mastectomy!

    Goodness I've lost a boob and been complimented and you want to knock it!  Go away!

    It's true, there are acquaintances and neighbours that really surprise you with their caring nature and listening ability without being judgmental and their offering of food and then there are those that you've helped through many a crisis and you expect the return favour just cut you down with their lack of ability to understand.

    Each experience in life strengthens us and this journey is that as well as. 

    I was recently told to look up the poem, Reason, Season, Lifetime!

    It is wonderful to be part of this network and read and comment occasionally as you find strength in others experiences and everything is put into perspective.

    As to being boob-less, there was no choice but I now have a replacement which I wasn't fussed about but I am now happy and yes I still have niggles and aches but that is par for the course of treatment.  

    I am here to tell the tale that is the most important gift of all!

    Take care xx

  • ScorpionQueenScorpionQueen Picton NSWMember Posts: 750
    edited January 2016

    Hi Christine, Yes I think people always have an answer to how they will react if it was happening to them. But you never really know until it REALLY does! I tend to be a bit of a realist, which shocks many people I know. But I am also an empath, I know it's probably not the normal thing to do, But i have already made my decisions on what will be done in the future about my cancer, should I cross that bridge. However the thought of losing my HH cup breasts is a bit daunting, they're kinda my trademark! LOL! But if they've gotta go they've gotta go...the important thing is I'LL be here to share my story. For the most part everyone has my back 100% and I'm taking that and running with it! Thanks for your support! Xx - Tracy (ScorpionQueen)

  • Ann-MarieAnn-Marie Member Posts: 1,158
    edited January 2016

    Hi Scorpionqueen,

    My name is Ann-Marie and I am the Online Community Coordinator at BCNA.

    Welcome to the Online Network.  I am sorry that you have joined the group, however I am glad you found us. Both the members and myself are here to support you in anyway we can.

    If you need anything let me know.

    Ann-Marie x

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