Anxiety Overload
Hi Ladies, I was dx in April 2014 with LABC stage 3 gr 1, 8/18pos nodes R, 1/9 LPos Nodes.
I am usually so very positive and can pick myself up after a "down' day but lately its just been days on end I cant seem to get reoccurance out of my head. I have been more active, returned to Mountain Biking and doing Body balance at the gym to help stretch out BMX scars and radiation tightness, but since then I seem to have pain/pinched muscles in my shoulder blades. In my heart I know that its not mets but I cant seem to tell my head that!!! Plus there are daily reminders constantly about cancer, TV, Social media, radio, I just cant seem to avoid it. I was talking to a friend I havnt seen for a while and I literally didn't believe a word that came out of my mouth" Going really well, prognosis is good, life back on track etc" I cant seem to believe my own words:/
I live in a country town so don't have access to BCN or support groups which is so frustrating so feel like I am on my own with my thoughts, Does anyone else feel like this???
Comments
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Hi Princess - I think what you're experiencing is very common. I had a very low risk cancer, diagnosed June 2013. Last year, about a year after the cancer, I was convinced I had vaginal cancer because of painful atrophy issues, then a tactless GP told me he needed to do xrays because of a back problem where he wanted to rule out bone cancer. I freaked on both occasions and ended up seeing a psychologist. Which actually didn't help, but that wasn't her fault. I think I was rather depressed at the time because of the fallout of the BC. I've been told it can take a year to 2 years to actually get over the shock of the cancer and start moving on. I think it's taken me at least 18 months, but we ALL live with that shadow on our shoulders that it might come back. Sounds to me like you need a really good dump and a download with someone, maybe a professional if there's someone your GP can recommend? Putting on a brave face when you're going through a completely crappy time actually doesn't help you to resolve your thoughts. I know that sometimes you don't want to download on friends, particularly if they haven't had BC because very few understand the emotional stuff you go through. But feel free to dump and download here as much as you like. None of us will think it's all unusual, because we've all been through those negative mental gymnastics. Do hope some of this helps. Best of luck, Pam x
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Hello Princess
Wheee - you are NORMAL ! We all have those moments and days of panic when a small thing can set us off and, as you say, the constant advertising reminders do not help us.
I live in outside a small rural town as well. Unfortunately my good friends (well, those who have not died !) all live many hours away so they really have no understanding of where I am at with this BC.
Your GP can refer you for 5 free counselling sessions so take advantage of that if you like - someone to talk to confidentially - even if you visit one in a town a distance away.
This website is invaluable so use it as often as you need. Even when you feel the need to vent it always helps someone else feel they are not alone.
If you put a call out via this website you may find another BCNA member not far away from you.
Please feel free to 'personal message' me if you want to talk off the main posts page.
If you are in Victoria you will be cold as it is freezing here so keep warm.
Big cyber hugs -
Summer :-)0 -
Hi Princess, you are very normal. I reckon it takes around 2 years to get confidence back in your health.I've had bc twice in the same breast.First time was 2003 and 7yrs later in 2010.I'm fine now but my poor GP sends me off for tests at the slightest mention of pain.Last year I had routine bloods and a liver enzyme came back elevated.Well next thing she's sending me for a full nuclear body bone scan 1 week before Xmas! I appreciate she's careful but my anxiety went up a few notches.But this is what we have to learn to live with after a bc diagnosis.I'm able to push the bc worry to the back of my mind until the next checkup. But it took me a few years to feel like that. You've come to the right place because we all understand your fears.Blog back anytime for support, info or to vent - I think it helps.Tonya xx
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Hi Princess
like you I was dx in April 2014 and I'm feeling exactly the same way as you. I had to have a bone scan and ct today due to new back pain which is probably nothing but I'm terrified. Today was my last treatment and instead of celebrating it has been an awful day on a number of fronts. I asked the girls on the site a couple of days ago if I was going mad but it seems many of us go through these feelings. It seems like such a waste of energy to worry about something that may not even happen . After advice from the girls on the site I am just allowing myself to acknowledge my feelings and to just feel them for the moment. I'm not sue that these feelings will pass as such but I'm hoping that by "feeling" them for a while that they will become less in the forefront of my mind.
If this continues on for a few weeks then I suggest you speak to your gp and see if you can organise some counselling to help you get through.
I do hope that we both can put these thoughts aside and look forward to brighter days ahead. Good luck.
Karen xox
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Thanks so much for your post. I have changed my Surgeon checkup to my oncologist to see if she could help me with some answers. whilst I am in the big smoke, Ill see if I can see the BCN as well.
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Hi Summer, Thanks for your reply. I am in Karratha WA, (think Red Dog Movie) So it is a beautiful 28deg today lol
I cried reading your post as I don't feel so alone with this and its so comforting to know I am not alone xxx
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Thanks Tonya, Im hoping this back pain is just knots from mountain biking. I am going to see my physio tomorrow to try to relieve it xx
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Glad to read all these posts. I too live remotely so spend a lot of time alone.
I think sometimes our medical team keep reminding us of reoccurrence in their arguments to take other medications like tamoxifen.
Yesterday I decided to go to the local show with a friend of my partner, on arrival she was in a bad frame of mind complaining about a local telco and problems with her internet like it was the end of the world threatening to jump off a bridge if they didn't fix it, I suggested that was a bit extreme under the circumstances, what I learned from that is don't sweat the small stuff we have been lucky in a way that we can rise above these silly things because of our experiences. I feel good about that anyway. If everyone could experience this maybe the world would be a better place. I guess my point is to live in the now not what might happen.
Janet
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Hi, I'm down in Exmouth and have not long finished treatment. I'm happy to PM you my number if you ever want to talk, it can be hard being remote and young. Hang in there it does get better.
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Hi tashie, I have heard lots about you through Von Atkinson. im happy to get in contact with you too and would love a catch up:)
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Hi Karen,
I am feeling better today but cant wait to head to Perth and see my ONC. Have you got your results back yet??
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I have PMd you, hopefully you can find it. My last message has been lost.
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Hi Princess
I feel for you I am fortunate to live in the big smoke but believe me one can still feel so very alone.
No matter what age at diagnosis, we all go through stress. We all are fearful when we have our annual mammogram/ultrasound no longer free because we have been diagnosed with BC, we may have side effects that others have or our may be "atypical"
Many marriages break up because the partner just doesn't get that we have changed. that small things don't seem such an issue anymore, that "our new post chemo/radiation/herceptin normal" means we can only work part time and need to rest more, to slow down and smell those roses....that we need to get rid of negativity sucking all our energy like the character in Harry Potter books. It has taken me years to do this and to learn to "do what I can and can the rest" even now I preach and sometimes try to do too much.
I no longer try to be wonder woman I was at 50 raising a family (who have now flown the coup and since married) working 6 days a week to pay bills, while hubby claims to be busy and to not have money when a bill comes up - I am what I thought I'd never be a divorced woman happy to be alone (most of the time) , to do things others never wanted to support me doing like all my Cancer Council/BCNA/Lymphoedema Support group activities; able to spend her money without fear of a sudden bill for a business expenditure.... and hoping I'll see some grandchildren to be born and maybe even see grow up.
I learn to make smaller shorter term goals: first to see my then 17 & 19 year old sons complete HSC and their degrees, then to see them married & dance at their weddings and those of several of their cousins; to be healthier so I do small walks, then longer ones; do strengthening exercises, start tai chi etc; see a grand nephew be born and turn 1 also friends grandchildren be born and then hopefully start school & so on. I return to knitting then find a son has also started!
yes there are setbacks for me lymphoedema and some side effects of Arimidex and then the drugs to control my blood pressure and cholesterol issues Arimidex causes me, gluten and lactose intolerance issues, weight gain but I'd rather be alive than the alternative.
I know it is easy to say but try to stay positive, if you need to vent this is a good place because we've all been there at various times since our diagnosis last year, in my case 9 years ago or for some I know decades later!
your pink sister,
Carol
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