Difficulty in acknowledging that I have breast cancer

Lululu

Thought I was okay with technology, but had major issues in trying to set up my profile.

my name is Louise, I was diagnosed with stage 1 invasive duct carcinoma 3 1/2 weeks ago, and underwent a lumpectomy 8 days ago with the final results of the sentinel node biopsy due this Monday.

Although I have the war wounds from surgery & feeling incredibly tired don't think it has really hit home as yet, as I was in the low risk category with only my dads sister having bc in her 50's & not surviving, & my father had a brain tumour which he did not survive when he was 40.

i just wondered how other people went with accepting the diagnosis or whether I am just in shock as it was a routine mammogram that found it, although I started at the age of 40, it would be 6 months away when they would have found it when I turned 50.

thank you for being able to post.

 

Louise

[Deleted User]

Hi Lululu, if you weren't so shocked then there would be a problem. It is very confronting to get a diagnosis of cancer, so give yourself time to process all the information that you are given, and take it 1 appointment at a time. Your breast care nurse can give you useful information and support, also this network is very supportive. Take care, Tracey B ??

Lululu

Thanks Tracey, I seem to be dealing with the family over their concerns maybe that's why it's taking me a while to accept it. I will do as you suggest and take one appointment at a time, and talk to my breast care nurse. Thank you for your suggestions & support. Louise xo

lisboy

Hi Louise

It is a whirlwind in the first few weeks of diagnosis and treatment. I was definitely in shock and could not believe that I was facing this. I think it is fairly common to us all when we are told we have cancer. I took it one day at a time and focused on getting rid of it and getting better. You have caught it early at stage 1 so that's a positive.

Try and look after yourself and rest and do things that make you feel good. This really is the time to focus on your needs. Get as much information as you are comfortable with from your treating Drs.

I exercise every day and meditate which I have found incredibly helpful. I didn't mediate before so this is new to me but it has really helped me live in the moment. That's just my experience though and you may find other ways to process your situation. It does take time though!

I wish you all the best. Don't hesitate to ask more questions on here as there is always someone willing to assist.

Lisaxx

Hazel M

Hi, sorry to hear about your diagnosis and welcome to the network. Most people are shocked, that's quite normal. I always expected to get BC because of my family history, I am unlucky No. 7 since my maternal grandmother. So I wasn't shocked, just sad. I get what you mean about dealing with the family, at times I felt like I was the one doing the comforting. All the best with your recovery and don't forget to take time and spoil yourself, keep in touch,

Hazel xx

Custard

Hi Lululu,

I was diagnosed 11 years ago, and I still remember that moment... I felt as though a train had come out of the wall and driven right through me... pushing my guts to the other side of the room behind me... shock I guess. Disbelief, guilt at being ill for the family, etc etc. I agree that if you didn't feel what you do now you would not be normal.

One week after my BreastScreen Mammogram my breast was off and I reckon it took 6 months for my brain to catch up with my body. (I had had them every two years since age 40 and they said I was a good patient because they could refer back to all the clear scans, and then at age 52, there were two + in the lymph nodes!)

During chemotherapy the illness from the drugs made me go into a state of coping day to day, and again no time for the brain to fully comprehend that diagnosis. those words "I am sorry but you have breast cancer" are a great leveller!!

Please be kind to yourself especially emotionally. Do cry.. I didn't for 18 months but boy what a dam wall I broke! Crying is beneficial, being brave when your energy levels are low is not.

We are all here for you! x Mandy

 

Cook65

Hi Louise

I am 14 months down the track and nearly finished treatment with only 3 more herceptin to go. It turned out I had 3 tumours (grade 3, stage 0) so ended up having more scans, ct scans and all sorts of tests, then a lumpectomy, then 6 months of chemo, then 33 treatments of radio.  I finished the radio on 19/12/14 so we had Christmas and my sons 21st in the beginning of January. I worked part time all the way through apart from the first 6 weeks of chemo. Everything happened so fast and all my attention was on doing what I had to do and getting by the best way I could. It sounds ridiculous but it is only in the last couple of months  that I have been able to realise and acknowledge  how sick I have been. I have finally had time to start to digest everything I have been through and it is a bit of a shock. None of us expect this diagnosis and for me, I didn't expect the biopsies to come back positive. I wasn't worried at all as I honestly thought it would be fine. Give yourself time. You will get your head around it at some point. Take care and good luck for getting your pathology back on Monday. Karen xox

Kazzi

Hi Louise,

Welcome to the network.  Sorry to hear a you have bc, but it's why we all come together in the first place.  I've found so much support from some of the fantastic women on this network, and after reading earlier comments, they've given such good advice. 

I was diagnosed in late April after finding the lump myself.  I remember vividly the phone call from my gp while I was at work regarding the biopsy and my whole world collapsed that day.  I've found the only way I've gone through this is with the support of my family, husband & 2 teenagers, family and this network.  I've also found certain other family members and some friends have difficulty coping with the news and I'm learning to deal with that.  Those who listen and make me laugh so much, that I  feel like my stitches will burst, have been the best help. 

Focus on things one at a time.  Your next thing is the pathology, so take someone with you to remember to ask the right questions.  Unfortunately, my results weren't that great with unclear margins, so after a further excision was unsuccessful, I had to have a mastectomy, 3 1/2 weeks ago.  Long term plan is a breast reconstruction for my 50th.

I think what really hit me about the cancer diagnosis was watching my surgeon write it down on the hospital referral form.  In beautiful loping handwriting, she wrote Breast Carcinoma, and I thought WTF, she's talking about me!!

In recovery, I try to walk everyday.  It started small but have now extended to the usual running route that I used to do.  It's good to get out of the house and have a cry by the river, then return home.  My next stage of treatment is chemo (12 weeks), starting next Tues.

I remember the early days being very difficult and I think it was because I was trying to get my head around the fact that I had cancer.  (Always been fit and healthy!)  I found I just had to ride the wave of emotions.  I found the worst bit is waiting,.. waiting for pathology, waiting for appts etc.  But, what has improved now, is that once I know what my treatment plan is, and what to (sort of) expect, things have settled a little.  

Be kind to yourself in these early days.  Listen to your body, if you need to rest, then rest.  It certainly is a roller-coaster. 

Take care now,

Karen xx

Fruit Pigeon

It certainly is a difficult time and as others have commented it is the waiting for results, appointments and treatment that are exhausting.  You feel, you are not in control of your life.  Be brave and as others have said take each day as it comes and try and get some exercise.  Just to be outside clears your head and gives you a different perspective on the situation.  I thought my Breast Cancer was behind me three years ago but another type of Cancer returned in my other breast earlier this year...so two mastectomies. Knowledge and experience are a great thing so this time it is not so daunting and overwhelming.  I am not enjoying the chemotherapy effects but realise it is a means to a good outcome.  I have cried and then got over it.  You are allowed to indulge yourself so do not try to be too brave BUT you will overcome this eventually. Get well soon.  Fruit Pigeon

lrb_03

Hi Lululu. It's been 4 weeks since my diagnosis & the only way I can describe how I feel is detached. When I'm talking to someone about it, it kind feels like I'm talking about someone else. 

Also, like you, I feel like I'm supporting family & friends at times, with their reactions.

all the best with your treatment

 

lyn

Lululu

Thanks Lisa I appreciate your ideas which I will put into practise. Will definitely try walking which is more my style. Thanks again, Louise 

Lululu

Hi Hazel, am spoiling myself and have allowed myself to polish off a bar of peppermint chocolate my older sister just in case!

i hope you are now on the mend & beaten the scourge.

take care of yourself, Louise xx

 

 

Lululu

Hi Mandy, that is precisely what I am experiencing, so it's so good to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel which I intend to get to eventually. Thank you for sharing your situation, in situations like this you know you are not alone (not wishing it on anyone else either though). I think it is helping being able to talk about it. Louise xxoo

Lululu

Hi Karen, I really admire your strength and will power and I think you are a amazing mum to be so concerned about your sons 21st. Thank you so much for sharing your journey, I agree that you never think it will happen to you and that we don't expect the bc and only think that it may only be a cyst. I will just take one day as it comes, especially that it is now Saturday night & Monday is not too far away. Take care Louise xx

Lululu

Hi Karen, I'm amazed at your positity and how brave you have been. I was in awe of you watching the surgeon beautiful handwriting & noticing something and noticing something beautiful in something so rotten. All the best for you on Tuesday I will be thinking about you too. Louise xx

Lululu

Hi Fruit Pigeon, thank you for sharing your story and being so positive. After talking to so many wonderful people on this site I do feel ok, and I think once I have those results on Monday & the treatment plan it will help how I feel. Take care of yourself Louise xx