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Antarctichorse's avatar
Antarctichorse
Member
10 years ago

Separated by Ice, Blizzards, Penguins, Seals, and the Southern Ocean

This is my first post here and not sure I'm in the right place. My wife was diagnosed with stage 3 c breast cancer back on April 16th this year. She has had two operations, and is now had her first chemo treatment. Neutropenia has also been diagnosed. She has had no other side effects, including lose of hair and nausea.She is a very fit lady who is very up beat about the whole business of this cancer. She has a wonderful support group at home from my parents,and a group of girlfriends. This is all re assuring as I work in Antarctica, with no way of getting back home before November. We chatted on the phone twice a day when she was originally diagnosed and just before operations and directly after. Now she is on chemo we talk only once a day, maintaining our normal husband and wife conversations. We always start with how she is traveling on the day and move on to her other activities, her appointments, and her interests away from cancer always ending on a high note. I don't know about the pyscology of other men, but for me I always find it frustrating when I can not fix things. I build, and fix things for a living, but there is a sense of hopelessness when your best friend,you're wife, has something that you have absolutely no way of "fixing". The only thing I can offer are virtual "man hugs", an ear over the phone, and the knowledge I have gleaned from others.Antarctica is a wonderful place to work and photograph, but it "sucks" when your wife is back home with BC.

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  • Mira's avatar
    Mira
    Member
    10 years ago

    Hi AntarticHorse,

    Welcome, you're in exactly the right place.  That must be so difficult being so far away from her at a time like this, I feel for you.  It sounds like you are doing the right things.  You could look at it from the perspective that the doctors have done all the years of training to fix her medically, your role is to be the best support that she could have and from the sounds of things you are doing a great job.  I would imagine that talking to you would be a little holiday away from all the negative aspects of cancer.  A mini holiday.

    Its not good that your wife has cancer, but she is a very lucky lady to have someone like you caring about her.

    cheers

    Mira

  • June1952's avatar
    June1952
    Member
    10 years ago
    Dear Sir Yes, this is the right place and I am sure many men will understand your specific frustrations being away from home. Our thoughts are with you and with your wife - is she a network member ? You are like most men - 'Mr Fix-it' who are out of their depth when they are not able to cure their partner. With you away like this I am sure your wife has developed many coping skills so is well and truly strong enough and able to deal with her issues. It is pleasing to hear that she has a lot of support back home - you just need to keep yourself safe so you can be here for her as soon as practicable. Keep up your good work and just be in regular contact with her so she knows you love her. Summer :-)
  • TonyaM's avatar
    TonyaM
    Member
    10 years ago

    Hi Antarctichorse, it must be so hard to be separated from your wife at this difficult time.But you are doing all you can and your daily calls would be such a support to your wife.When faced with bc treatments,we women tend to go into battle mode.It's like we have to stay strong to get through it all and then we might fall in heap further down the track.That's when your wife will need lots of hugs and reassurance that you still think she is beautiful.Hopefully, you'll be home by then There is a brochure you could download from this network called"I wish I could fix it"-written for partners.It maybe helpful to read.Blog back here anytime for support.Tonya 

  • Jess_BCNA's avatar
    Jess_BCNA
    Member
    10 years ago

    Hello AntarticHorse,

    It really sounds difficult to be so far away from your wife when she has been diagnosed with breast cancer, but you have certainly come to the right place to find some support. I just wanted to jump in to welcome you and to also let you know where you can find the booklet Tonya mentioned , I wish i could fix it - supporting your partner through breast cancer. While some of the information in the booklet might not be practical while working away - there is also some other information in there that might be helpful. 

    The online network can be a great place to find support and should you and your wife need any help with finding support services or connecting with others in the online network, please just let me know.

    ~ Jess (BCNA)