can't sleep due to anxiety with upcoming surgery

Hi Anita,  I had a full clearance of lymph nodes after I had a mastectomy.  There was a small trace when they took 4 nodes, so decided to have them all taken prior to my chemo.  I am glad I chose this option as it gave name a better head space around where the bad cells were.  My diagnosis was early also, but I was stage 2.  That was 4 years ago, stay positive and listen to your body.  Rest when your body tells you to.  Wishing all good things for your now. xxx

Hi Anita,

I have the same diagnosis as you and had my surgery 3 weeks ago.  I had to wait several weeks for it and that was very hard to cope with.  Had a lot of trouble sleeping, so I know what it's like.  At least you have a husband to talk with and good friends.  I am single and live alone & had to do it by myself day in and day out and now I am waiting for radium treatment to start.  I found that listening to chill out music for a while when going to bed helped to distract me & I spent a lot of time hugging my 2 cats!  Friends always mean well but sometimes they don't say the things that help most & I found it easier sometimes to just not answer the phone at all on my difficult days.  The anxiety was awful.   That lifted a lot about a week after the surgery.  So trust me, it gets better.  Always remember, every day, even the shitty ones are another day towards your recovery.  All the best honey,

Karen  xoxo

Hi Anita. I remember the nights oh so well. It's quiet and you're tired but then the mind starts to go down different tracks. The more you try to clear it, it just always ends up back on the bad track. I would lie in bed thinking of my mother and sister and thinking 'now I know what they went through'. My poor Mum didn't make it, but it was 1968 and the treatment was primitive. My sister is doing great, now 18 years post diagnosis. I guess my point is, it's normal to worry and night time, when there is no other activity is when the trouble starts. I used to get on the computer until I nearly dropped off and then go to bed. As for your husband, he married you because you were you, not for your breasts. I'm sure he loves you and he will also love the new you, all the best, 

Hazel xx

Hi Anita,

I had a lumpectomy about 2 months ago and already it is looking just like the other breast.  I know everyone is different but don't worry too much about it, I am sure you hubby loves you for more than just that one part of you.

I downloaded some guided relaxation podcasts onto my ipod and have kept that by my bed for sleepless nights.  I can just reach over and grab it easily when I need it. 

cheers

Mira

Hi Anita,

Hang in there.  The nights, I remember, are simply the worst.  All thoughts are amplified in the silence.  And I remember waiting for that sun to come up.  I found by the time the evening came around, I was so emotionally exhausted from trying to stay positive for my husband and children.  It was only in the shower, or walks alone by the river, (or with a couple of close friends), that I really cried openly. 

My night time routine was a camomile tea and my gp put me on a melatonin tablet (non addictive) to take at night.  I found I got to sleep eventually, but would also wake up with 'horror thoughts'.

I have a handful of close friends who are my bosum buddies. The five of us are connected on viber and share the highs and lows at odd times of the night and day.  We're each trying to cope with different things in life, crying teething baby, sick or dying parents and then there's me with bc.

I'm sure your husband will be ok.  After my first surgery, my lumpectomy scar looked like a little smiley face under my nipple!!

Do something nice for yourself today.  Watch a funny dvd or something enjoyable.  My daughter was home sick from school last week and we watched 'Mama mia' (again). Abba music and greek islands do bring a smile to my face.

Be kind to yourself in these early days.  It isn't easy, but it will get better once you know your path for your journey.  Waiting is always the worst.

Take care,

Karen xx 

Hi Anita,  the nights are the worst.  It will settle down but something I was told to do and worked was write down all my thoughts in a notebook before going to bed or when I woke up.  It seemed to help get rid of them and I could then sleep.  I think your hubby will love you just the same and be glad to have you still in his life!!  Maybe also the dr about a relaxer tablet.  I was given Ativan and used those occasionally.  They didn't affect functioning the tnext day! Lx

Hi Anita, those days and nights before surgery can be difficult, but try to stay as occupied / distracted as possible. I found going for coffee with friends, walking on the beach and working were good daytime distractions, but night was a different story and had to try and shift my mind away from the worry and like Rowdy would get up and watch some tv / dvd (usually some comedy if possible), read a book (again something lightweight as I couldn't concentrate) or call my sister or one of the other night-owls who didn't mind chatting late into the night. Jane xx 

Hi Anita I remember the nights not being able to sleep.

It's like your brain turns on and you start to think toooo much. I would get up nd sit on the computer and watch something on tv that I didn't have to think to much about. Your husband will be ok, my husband is a real boob man and he is still interested in them. Try and take it one day at a time. Try and do something nice for yourself today and try and have a laugh, it takes as much energy to cry as it does to laugh