Away from home seeking treatment
I've flown down to Brisbane for a quick appointment arranged before Xmas to meet my radio oncologist today, then I fly back home to meet my medical oncologist, ooohhh this is a big week and I find myself a little anxious after all the information I'm about to be fed!
As I live away from family and friends, staying with my brother and his wife I have observed an interesting reaction, so far my communication with them has been via social media and phone so face to face has been interesting as they seem to look at me so seriously! I find myself having to convince them i am going to be ok.
Their life continues with plans to go to Bali in 4 weeks and for me it seems life has been put on hold for a bit. A difficult feeling for someone who's used to being independent and a traveler herself.
Last week my GP convinced me to take up their offer of 3 months chemo to give me a better chance. You just never think this will happen to you I guess.
She gave me Pristiq to take to help with my anxious moments, the first two days I felt like a subdued puppy and by day 4 I was like one of those blue wrens you see on a branch jumping around like a lunatic. I couldn't settle, couldn't sleep, was nauseous, sure I wasn't overthinking but felt my mind was numb. My heart rate was up and begun to think this isn't for me.
I am wondering what to do when those feelings of anxiety come along, peppermint tea just might not cut it. I guess i go back to my GP for another solution but thought i would ask on this forum for any ideas?
Yes their is a big picture and future for me but at the moment i am swimming in my own anxiety.
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My first week on Pristiq I felt the crappist but by day 10 I started to balance out and now I feel (about day 21) very much more in control. I have lots of tests coming up and bad news a few weeks ago. I think it's worth sticking it out for a while longer and give Pristiq a good chance. Do not stop it cold tuckey and tell your doctor if you want to stop as you must do it properely. good luck
Sarah
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I can't imagine how difficult it is for you being away from home and your usual support network. It is hard for your brother and his wife as they don't know how to respond or react. Going through chemo and rads I found I had to verbalise what I needed and help people understand that how I was feeling and what I was going through was temporary. I had to explain that no-one could help how I was feeling and that was OK. This was a journey I was on. There was a start, a middle and an end to the treatment and I was going to get better. In the meantime I was a roller-coaster baby! The best they can do is acknowledge what you are going through and do whatever they can to make you comfortable. Sometimes those around you need to feel as if they are helping you. So let them know what they can do. Chemo is an absolute bitch! But necessary. I didn't think I would get through it. The 2nd one was the worst, I ended up in hospital. My sisters had to drag me screaming and kicking to the 3rd one, but after that I coped well. My Onco gave me valium just so I could knock myself out to get through the really bad times. It worked for me and no I didn't become addicted. I can't remember much about chemo now. Stay strong. Your family need you to do this.
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Interacting with friends and family is difficult. I just want some normality but I know what you mean about the intensity. They cannot hide their anxiety and it seems so weird. It seems to pass with a little time if you do normal things with people and talk about something other than bc. While I don't mind telling people about the bc I get sick of the topic and would rather talk about something else anyway. If I can't manage my anxiety, I'm a person that looks for distraction. I get on the computer to find something interesting to read or I find something to keep me busy and stop my mind wandering back to that thing that's hard to think about too much. I seem to swing between wanting to avoid it altogether and needing to vent about it in a safe place like on here. I think we just have to go with the flow and do what feels right at the time.
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