My heart is breaking for you in your grief. You write beautifully, and your blog has brought tears to my eyes. I have a daughter about your age, and 3 sons also close in age to you. Reading your blog gave me a huge insite into cancer from my kids perspective. I put on a brave face, and try and keep things as normal as possible for the kids, but there is no way to protect them fully and shield them from this ugly disease. My daughter made a casual comment a few months ago that made me realise how this was affecting her. Towards the second part of my baldness, during winter, I wore a wig all of the time. It was a very good wig, and her comment to me was, " mum, I can almost forget that you have cancer when you wear your wig all the time". When I lost my hair at the end of summer, I would often wear nothing on my head around the house. Only after that comment did I realise how much my bald head was a constant reminder that her mum was sick.
My heart goes out to you as you mourn the loss of your mum.
Love Chris xx